


Blυε Lεαƒ

by BlackSugerBlueCoffee



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Adaptation, Aftercare, Aged-Up Character(s), Alternate Universe - College/University, Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Blackmail, Blow Jobs, Brief maintion of self harm, Childhood Friends, Come Eating, Dirty Talk, Drunk Sex, Eventual Fluff, Eventual Smut, Explicit Sexual Content, F/M, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Fluff and Smut, Friendship goal, Hand Jobs, Heavy Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Abortion, Kenma Kageyama current roommates, Loss of Virginity, M/F, M/M, Oikawa Tooru is a genius, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Rimming, Tsukishima is a sweetheart, Unplanned Pregnancy, Unrequited Love, he's the best friend, m/m - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-16
Updated: 2019-02-14
Packaged: 2019-06-28 06:09:27
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 19
Words: 50,927
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15701421
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BlackSugerBlueCoffee/pseuds/BlackSugerBlueCoffee
Summary: After beating around the bush for 12 years and being oblivious about each other feelings Kenma and kuroo decided to take the next step.But they choose 2 different conclusion.......While Kenma choose to confess his feelings, kuroo decided to move on from it.Which could be the end of it.The chances of finding their ways together seems like as hard as to find a Blυε Lεαƒ in the wild.





	1. Blue is the warmest color

**Author's Note:**

> Hi there if anyone is reading. I've been writing the plot for months now. But I keep getting writers block. And finally managed to do it.
> 
> It'll be a multiple chapter fic. Hold tight cause Angst will be coming soon.
> 
> But I promise it will end well.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> !!ATTENTION!!
> 
> So for those who are now starting to read this fic.  
> When I stared writing this fic, I was relatively new to writing. And even though I still am, I think for the past 2 months I've written the most. Like I've never written so regularly. And that might have improve me a little? Like tiny bit. But still, it kinda change my writing. 
> 
> And now I'm kind of regretting writing some of the chapter, the way I've written them. And the length also.  
> So chapter 1-10 or more like 11, 12 is........ Not so good. So please bear with me.  
> Thank you for reading. Enjoy (at least I hope you do).
> 
> !ATTENTION AGAIN! (God, I'm so lame)
> 
> I've edited the chapters, so I guess the above statement kinda differs now. So if you're reading after the editing,ignore the whole note and just read. Thank you.

(Kenma's POV) 

 

What's the definition of 'Normal'?  
Kenma thinks.  
Loving someone who isn't of the opposite sex, is it really that odd? They say love is blind. Then why are you aiming your finger at those who aren't passing your 'Normal' filter? 

They say it's not natural to love someone who is of the same sex as you . You can't have kids, so what's the point of this meaningless love?

That's true. You can't have kids. But is reproduction the only goal of human relation? A set achievement which one has to obtain. Then what about those hetero-couple who are unable to have children? Are they also failure? Is their love meaningless? Should they also be separated? Cause they also can't reproduce, right?

Why do THEY get praised for staying with each other throughout this situation? Why is THIS considered as true love, role model but when it comes to homosexuality the same inability gets criticized and hated by all? 

Like don't get him wrong, those heterosexual couples who can't have children and still willingly stand by each other really deserve praise. But isn't it really one-eyed for the society to treat two groups of people differently just because of their sexuality? 

If anything those who are choosing same sex partner are willingly giving up on their chance of having a baby. They are ready to sacrifice the chance of having a biological child, as cheesy as it might sound. Shouldn't THEY be praised even more? 

Heck leave praising, it'll be great if people just leave them alone instead of harassing them.

It's not REAL love, it's not REAL family, it's just delusion , they say........ Do 'They' really have the right to say that? I mean how do you know if is it really True love or not if YOU haven't been on that situation before?

It is very much Real. So much, that it burns. It burns his soul. Burns his eyes and tear drops start to fall. 

Cause he knows that the person he wants the most in the world will never reciprocate his feelings. Will not stay by his side for the rest of his life. Well maybe He will but not in the way Kenma wants to. 

So tell him why, if this love isn't REAL, if it's just an illusion why does it hurt so much?. Like any time he even tries to think if it's really a delusion, all of his feelings come rushing towards him and crush him so badly that he forgets how to breath. As if they are trying to say 'don't even dare to call us fake. We very much do exist '.

And Kenma knows that. He has gone through all of it. He thought about it. About his own feelings and the accusation that the society makes. Even though it took him a long ass time to decide, he finally made up his mind. 

It wasn't easy though. Sometimes even though you know it's an irrational thing you can't help but get affected by it. Yes about the Having Biological Child and being Normal. Even though he knows it's stupid he can't help but think about it. Sometimes thoughts like 'If I confess I'll take away the opportunity of Kuroo having kids and having a normal family' featured by the thoughts of Getting Rejected. 

 

But it was enough for him. Either he was going to move on without confessing or confess and move on from this misery. 

 

So he choose the later. 

 

 

 

(Kuroo's POV)

Kuroo has fallen for this person for the last 12 year at least. So you better not call it 'oh it's just a crush '.  
He has grown up with this very person. They have seen each other grow over the years, physically and mentally. 

But he never had the courage to actually confess his feelings. For the past 12 fucking years. Why, you ask?  
Cause they're not a beautiful girl that he has been head over heels for years.

The person he has fallen for is his best friend Kenma Kozume. Even though Kenma is a year younger than him, they are still best friends. Ever since Kenma's family moved in to their neighborhood they have been friends. Throughout their years of friendship he has realized that his feelings for Kenma was too strong to be just friendship. 

But, but he wasn't going to loose his best friend for his stupid crush. I mean being mature and bold certainly wasn't a option, right? Kuroo was so done with himself honestly. No matter how many times he thought about confessing he always managed to chicken out at the last moment.  
Now don't get it wrong. He may be a scaredy cat but he was not a transparent soul. He was really good at consoling his feelings. Maybe a little too good at it. Cause his really intelligent friend (read: "Crush") who would have known what Kuroo was thinking something, way before anyone else could tell, was now oblivious about Kuroo's crush on him.

.......Or maybe he did knew..... Maybe he didn't want to address. Maybe...... 

There so many thoughts on his mind. So many 'Maybe' and 'Ifs'. But at the end he decided not to confess. 

I mean how many people out there are gay or Bi or in LGBT community in general? Specially in his country.  
Although he is Bi, maybe Kenma is straight for all he knows. And his confession can make Kenma really uncomfortable if he really is straight. And potentially can be the end of their friendship. 

So he decided to suck it up and move on. He is 23 years old after all. He needs to get his shit together. 

And so he made up his mind to suck it up and move on to take the next step.


	2. Winter

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Prof reading credit goes to Araashi

(Kenma's POV) 

There's so many "What ifs" going round Kenma's mind. Like a merry go round. 

What if he had said it earlier? What if he didn't hesitate so damn long to confess.............Or rather made the decision to confess. Cause at the end it was too late. It was too late to do anything rather than have regret. 

 

He can't get the image out of his head. The way they were holding hands, smiling lovingly. Kuroo looked so happy. Introducing his girlfriend to Kenma. Looking like he was so in love. 

It was so out of the blue. Kenma didn't even know Kuroo was going out with someone let alone be in a relationship with someone. Why Kuroo didn't tell him that he was going out with someone, before. Or was it love at first sight. Is that even possible? Aren't they best friends?............ Yeah, best FRIENDS. Nothing more nothing less. Kuroo isn't bound to tell everything that has been going on in his life continuesly. 

And Kenma doesn't know how to feel about it either. How should someone react when their long treasured unrequited love finds someone else. And the unrequited love also happens to be his best friend. 

Of course when Kuroo was introducing her, he put on a smile and congratulated them. But honestly he didn't know how to feel about it. He was so hollow. His mind was blank. And now that he thinks about it, he might have blacked out for a second when Kuroo introduced him his girlfriend. 

 

A part of him was happy about the fact that his best friend found someone after so long. But the other part was devastated about the fact that the person next to Kuroo wasn't Kenma himself but someone else. Maybe the part that was mourning contained the maximum of him. Crying isn't going to fix anything. rationally speaking what has been done - has been done. There's no one else to blame but himself. He should have done something before it was too late.  
His rational adult mind is telling him to accept everything and move on. It's telling him that life goes on and feelings change over the course of time. That his wound will heal and deconstructed heart will be reconstructed. Just give it the time that it needs and it'll be alright. 

 

But he's a human damn it. No matter how calm and collected may he seem - he also does crack at some point. Who wouldn't? Can anyone stay sane after that. He doesn't know, doesn't want to know. 

He was sobbing like a child in his apartment alone. Feeling so helpless and cold. Kenma hated cold. But now all the warmth from his body was gone. There's no one who can hug him, console him. Tell him everything's gonna be alright even though that's a lie. A part of him is taken and he knows that he's never gonna be the same again no matter what. He is a mess right now. Almost pitiful.

 

And two things he has realized after getting rejected without even confessing are that he loves Kuroo so much more than he was aware of and Kuroo does not have any kind of romantic feelings for him like he thought Kuroo had. 

 

Kenma did know that he loves Kuroo. But didn't know to what extent it was. He loves Kuroo so damn much. He is done for. But he thought Kuroo also loved him or at least had some kind of feelings. Some feelings that were much more than friendship. And probably that is the reason why his subconscious mind thought that the feelings were mutual. And without fully realizing he fell for Kuroo more. But it was all just his imagination.

 

He can't believe how wrong he was. Even though Kuroo wasn't 100% obvious Kenma could've sworn that Kuroo did look at him more than a friend. Kuroo didn't date anyone for the past 8 fucking years. It was like a silent mutual agreement between them that they didn't want anyone else but each other. Was that all in his head? Was he making up all that? Maybe he had been projecting his own feelings on Kuroo. Maybe he had been so desperate for Kuroo's affirmation that he was seeing things that wasn't even there. Maybe and now for sure Kuroo was just waiting for the right person. And he got her. The person who he was waiting for.

 

He's an idiot. Why did he even thought Kuroo loved him? God it's so hard. It hurts, it burns. But he should be punished for his foolishness. What if he HAD confessed to Kuroo? Oh God no. He could've made their friendship so awkward. He never came out to Kuroo but he did know Kuroo wasn't homophobic. But still. It would've been such a shock for Kuroo that his best friend wasn't straight and had feelings for him. And since Kuroo doesn't have any romantic feelings for him he would have gotten rejected anyways. And after that......... He could've lost Kuroo totally. Yes Kuroo is now someone else's but he still is in his life. 

He thought to himself while lying down on the cold floor. Pathetic.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow. I didn't think I was going to write the 2nd chapter so fast. But here we goes. And I'm sorry for the angst. T-T. Let me know your feedback.


	3. Marionette

Kuroo's brain is foggy. He wakes up with migrane of course and a shit ton of hickeys on his body. He doesn't even have any idea of where he currently is right now. He finds himself on a bed next to an unclothed girl in an unfamiliar room. He himself isn't wearing anything either. Well even though most part of his brain isn't functioning well, it doesn't take a highly intellectual person to tell what happened last night. He has done something that every responsible adult does. Sleeping their feelings away. Yep. He has done it.

If he recalls correctly after he decided to throw away his feelings for his best friend he was feeling like a fish not only out of water but straight into the hot frying pan getting fried alive. It might sound like he is exaggerating but he really isn't. He was so devastated after chickening out that he was desperately seeking for some kind of distraction. And what better way of forgetting everything rather than drowning in alcohol. So he opted for the bar.

Now, he was no stranger to the bar but he IS a responsible drinker. He can't even remember when was the last time that he got so drunk that he blacked out or needed someone else's assistance.  
He is always like the driver of the group when his friends invite him to a drinking event. Everyone gets wasted or close to getting wasted except for him. Anyways, he is 100% certain that yesterday wasn't like those any other days. Cause he can't tell what happened like for the last half part of the night. And he somehow managed to have a one night stand. Well that's not too bad. It's not like it's the first time that he has slept with a complete stranger. Yeah she's a stranger, it's a one time thing, it's okay. I mean people don't fall in love or get involved with someone just because they have had a one night thing with a strang- .Wait............ The fuck. WTF.

"Fuck fuck fuck fuck"

Suddenly Kuroo is completely sober, hyper aware of the fact that he is into deep shit. The  
one time he gets wasted he has to make such a big mess. Out of all the people he could've slept with he has gone ahead and slept with that very specific person who has crush on HIM.

It's like an open secret for all his classmates. All of them knew that Hanayo has a crush on Kuroo. Sweet, right? It is until you know what kind of sly predator she was. Might sound dramatic but sweetie life itself is the longest run drama series ever. And in this drama some antagonists are much more dangerous than the one in the fictional drama. And that is why Kuroo is more horrified than sorry for the situation.

 

Hanayo having a crush on someone is meaning she has found her next lamb. Ready to sacrifice.

Kuroo is literally having a mental breakdown now contemplating whether he should run for his life or try to solve this mess. If he can actually. How did he manage to do all this things less than half a day?

Kuroo snaps out of his thoughts when he hears some noises besides him. Oh no. She has woken up. And she is smiling up to him. And oh dear lord, anyone can tell what kind of smile that is. It isn't an innocent happy smile. It is a "You little poor thing, got you in my trap" kind of smile. He is done for.

 

"Hey~" Hanayo says with a sly smile. Isn't it too early for her to get this foxy. No wait it's probably 1 or 2 pm. So yeah not too early.

"Hi" Kuroo replies back.  
"So how was last night. Did you enjoy?? " she says.

Kuroo visibly cringes. He is suddenly feeling so dirty and nasty. It's not odd for a 23 years old to have sex. And he is not virgin either. But for some reason it feels so wrong this time. Probably it has something to do with the fact that the person he has slept with is someone he would like to keep a distance of 100 miles. The key word is probably. He's not sure.

This girl is really dangerous, in a bad way not in a badass way. Not only catfishing but littery blackmailing people is like her daily cup of tea. God knows what else kind of shady things she does. And it's not that easy to get out of her trap cause of course she has a group of equaly shady people backing her up. And Kuroo is from a wealthy family so 1+1=boom. He's fucked.  
But what can get possibly wrong. It's just a one night stand anyway.

"You didn't answer. What are you thinking so hard so early in the morning " She says.

'This fucking bitc-'. Kuroo curse in his mind. Cause she obviously does knows what he is thinking about.

"Nothing. And about how was last night, I don't even remember anything. I can't even tell when I met you yesterday ".

"Oh really?? So do you want me to tell you everything in details? I mean I don't mind. Even though those hickeys on your body is more than enough to let you know what happened last. It's okay I'll you "

she says and sits up. Reveling her naked upper half. Kuroo tries to look away but she puts her hand on his jawline and forces him to look at her.

"What? Why are looking away now? Why are begin so modest all of sudden. You weren't last night though. Instead of looking away your hands were all over me. They were touching me everywhere. They were on my breast, inside my-"

"STOP!"

Kuroo screms. Every single word is stabbing him. It's so filthy that he is close to throwing up. He never felt so nasty in his whole life. All he wants right now is either delete his entire existence or trun back time to when he was about to enter the night club and stop himself from making this grave mistake. But nothing can be done now.

"Oh? Angry? But why? You got to sleep with the sexiest girl from your university. You should be happy about it. Now you can brag about it."

"Shut the fuck up. You might be still in your hormonal teenage phase where you find this kind of things worthy of bragging but for an adult having sex is nothing. Doesn't matter who it is. But what does matter is 'Consent' dammit. You knew I was intoxicated and wasn't in my right mind then why did you still allow everything. You could've easily call someone for me and let them take me home. You know Bokuto, Daichi, Oikawa. Any of those 3 could've picked me up. But instead you bring me here."

"Ow Ow. Hold up. I was just trying to help you. I thought since my house is so close I will take you home and you can stay the night here. But how is it my fault that you are a sex crazed animal. You were totally like a dog in mating season."

"WHAT! Impossible! Look I barely get drunk but I do know what my drinking habits are. At worst I would bowls my eyes out. I'm never touchy feely with people when I'm drunk let alone getting violate and sexually harassing someone. If that was my drinking habit I would've quite drinking a long ago! "

Kuroo huffs after finishing his explanation. He was beyond frustrated. He can't except the fact that he- No it was too much for him.

"Oh really? But the video says otherwise though."

She says with an ominous smile, which makes Kuroo to froze in his place.

"What?" Kuroo asks.

But instead of giving answer she puts on her underwears and walks towards the TV. Then she connectes some cable and plays a video.

To which Kuroo's whole world comes crushing down. He didn't know what to feel or what to do. He sits there mindlessly.

When everything sinks into him, he gets up from the bed and makes a run for the toilet. He finds the toilet and all but jumps on it and throws up. He was already having the migraine and it was too much for him to watch the video.

Couldn't believe what he saw. He couldn't believe the person he saw in that video is him. How is it even possible? A hungry sex crazed animal was almost raping someone. And that was he himself. It's so unlike of him. He just cannot except it. His head is spinning. Everything is moving. He cannot think straight.

He hates himself. So dissapointed in himself. How can he do that. Guilt, dissapointment, shame is killing him. He does know what she is gonna do with that video but at this point he's not even concerned about that. The fact that he almost raped someone is killing him right now. What can he do to make it all better?

"God please help me. How can I live. It feels so wrong. I'm a horrible person."

He sits there on the toilet floor. Tears starts to fall down.

"My Goodness. You're such a mess. I don't get it what are you even mourning over anyway? Were you a virgin before? Were you virgin before this?Are you sad because you got your virginity stolen baby boy?."

Hebijima chuckles. And that gets under Kuroo's skin. His jaw gets hard and he clenchis his fist. On one hand he hated Hebijima but on another ther hand he was feeling really guilty and was feeling sorry for what he has done to her. But just one thing keeping him sane is that "Almost ".  
Now that he threw up a little ago,it seems like his brain fog is disappearing little by little. At least for the part when they got back here. He can't tell if he should be happy about it or be more disappointed. Cause now he can totally remember how regretful his action was but also can remember that he didn't totally forced himself on her. It was consensual on her behalf at the last moment. But for anyone who'll see the video it might seem that she gave up because of his force. Oh God. He's feeling so regretful that he can't even get mad at her now. Nothing but shame.

 

"Okay that's enough. Get your ass up from the floor. We need to talk."  
She smirks and leaves.

Kuroo gets up cleans the toilet and himself. Goes back to the bedroom and picks up his clothes. Gets dressed. And goes to the living room. Does she lives alone?? This apartment is seems too big and expensive for a person who doesn't even have a proper full time job. Is that even her apartment at all?

"What are you looking at? Is the apartment nice??."

"It's too big. And a bit too much for a college student to live alone at."

She smirks yet again.

"You're saying that? Even though you're from a wealthy family. I bet your apartment is more extravagant than mine. Have those thick bundles of Yen after all."

 

"Just because I'm from a wealthy family doesn't mean that I'll live a wasteful life. Sure I don't live in dorm anymore cause I've already finished my honors course but that doesn't mean I'm living a lavish life without even getting a proper job."

Kuroo is kinda irritated. What people takes him from. So stereotypical. 'So you're from a rich family that means you must be a spoil brat'. And the fact that he is in this situation partially because of this reason makes him even more irritated.

"Pff. A proper job?."

"What's so funny about that??."

"Come on. You're from a loaded family and now you're gonna act like a moral wrapped gentleman. Ain't nobody buying that shit. Who doesn't spend those bills when they have it. Don't try make yourself look like some special snowflake shit."

"Can you please stop. Generalising people is so damn ignorant in the first place. And on top of that you don't even me personally, like at all. So stop talking about my personal life and family."

"Oh no! Do I really need to stop? "

She dramatically gasps and the corner of her mouth go upwards slightly. She gets closer to Kuroo. Uncomfortablely close actually. And puts one finger under Kuroos chin. And continues.

"And here I thought I should at least learn about your family first before sending them that beautiful video of ours. What an art have you created, don't you agree sweetie?."

And here it is. The thing Kuroo was waiting for but really wasn't particularly exited about. Blackmailing.

So much has happened and still is happening that he is not sure what to feel or how to react anymore. He saw it coming but wasn't ready.

 

"Please don't."

Kuroo almost sounds pitiful even in his own ears. Well there isn't much he can think of, in this situation afterall. Anyone with rational thoughts is more than welcome to come and give him some advice and maybe save him? Too much to ask ? Okay. Then don't blame him either. He's also a human after all.

"Hmm? What did you say? What don't? Am I asking too much? I just want to make our relation public and also wanna show your family how much you love me. So they can bless us."

"Wait wait wait. Slow down a little there. What relation? What blessing? What are you on about?"

There's a dark look on her face. She smirks slightly.

"Oh come on now darling don't be so dense. We ARE in a relationship right?? "

She's now grinding her teeths and looking intensely into Kuroo's eyes. Is this what she wants?? Telling people that they are a couple? But why? Or does she really wants to be in a relationship with Kuroo, even though Kuroo doesn't like her in the any kind of way. He thought she was just going to get some money out of him and let it go. This is so much worse than he thought. There's no way in hell he's going to introduce her as his girlfriend.

"Stop it. I'm NOT doing this. Don't even think of bringing my family into this shit. Do whatever wanna do with me but my family isn't going to get involved into your little cat and mouse game."

"Wow! You still have the audacity of taking to me like that? Are you really that dense? Can you really not understand what are you into? I've the fucking power to DESTROY your life. I can show that video not only to your family but I can also send you to the jail for rape you dumb fuck. It doesn't matter what actually happened. All it matters is the prove. And no one will believe what you have to say when they saw the video. Cause you are not the victim. Specially in this case. And you were taking about getting a job right?? About how your family value of begin a good citizen that you are. Well too bad then I guess. Cause you'll not be even able to get your Master's degree let alone a job. Cause ain't nobody gonna keep a rapist in their university now are they?"

Shiver goes down Kuroo's spine. He seriously was clueless before. He really didn't knew how dangerous and pure evil this girl was. His hole life is gonna get destroyed because of this girl.

"What? Just what do you want from me?? What I ever done to you? I don't even know you that well. Just tell me what you want and leave me alone."

"Alone? I don't think so. Cause what I want is you. I want your egotistical self to be bow down right before me. And what did you say? You don't know me right? How full of yourself you can be. Every fucking person in our campus knows me you fucking asshole. And you, you... "

She's now boiling with anger. So frustrated and offered even.

"How dare you! I've never been so frustrated in my hole life. Not a single person has ever rejected me. No one has been able to resist the urge to sleep with me. Except for you! AND NOW YOU WILL HAVE TO INTRODUCE ME AS YOUR GIRLFRIEND TO ALL THE PEOPLE. I DON'T FUCKING CARE ABOUT YOUR FAMILY. BUT YOU HAVE TO INTRODUCE ME TO ALL YOUR FRIENDS WHO WERE LOOKING DOWN ON ME. AND FROM NOW ON YOU'LL DO WHAT I TELL YOU TO DO."

She's now yelling at top of her lungs. And after finishing her sentence she's now heavily breathing. And now Kuroo understand what she wants and what actually triggered her in the first place. This girl is so so so chill that he can't even. And the worst part is this childish behavior is not endearing but venomous. He tries to tell her that everything she's is doing is plain childish and she should get her act together. That he never ever intended to humiliate her by any means but she cut him off. She's too stubborn and blind to see anything.

"Do NOT try to play me. You are not getting out of this that easily. Do what I tell you to do otherwise I won't hesitate to do everything that I told you earlier I swear."

It was obvious Kuroo has no space to talk. Anything other than what she wants Kuroo to do will make the situation. So Kuroo agrees.

"Okay....... I'll"

"There you go. What a good boy you are. So let's just start right now. Call Kenma."

She's now smiling with fake innocence in her eyes and looking at his eyes.

Kuroo's mouth goes dry. Even after all this he still manages to get surprised in a bad way. He wasn't expecting her to name Kenma's name at the get go. It's like sprinkling salt at his freshly made wound.

"...... Why Kenma?"

"Uhhh? What do you mean by "why". Isn't he's your best friend? Of course you're gonna tell your best friend about your life silly. Won't you?"

Her cherry vibes and overly sweet speaking tone is now suffocating kuroo. And there's something in her eyes that tells Kuroo that she knows something that even Kuroo doesn't knows. But then again he's a Marionette of her right now. So he does as she says.

 

 


	4. Remorse

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter has been edited on 04-11-2018.  
> I've combined 3 chapters together. As now, it seems to me, that making 3 different chapters for this part was unnecessary.  
> Also I've edited the last part. 
> 
> Enjoy <3

Kenma is now finally ready. He has gathered all his thoughts together. He's certain that he wants to confess. He's mentally preparing for as to how he'll confess.

He was thinking about all these things when suddenly he gets a call from Kuroo. His face lits up. He takes some time to compose himself and calmly recives the call.

"Kuroo?"  
"Hi"

Kenma notices that Kuroo's cvoice is really odd. Doesn't matter how much he tries to console it he notices it either way. In his voice there is a mixture of stress, sorrow and fear even. Yes Kenma does knows Kuroo more than anyone. Sue him, he doesn't care.

"What's wrong?"

Even in this disaster of a situation Kuroo feels a endearment feeling. It's kinda bittersweet. It's once again it's in his face that Kenma is the one who knows and understands him the most. And the second he hears Kenma's voice all the feelings just slap him across his face. He really really loves him after all. If only those feelings were mutual......... Kuroo thinks.

But his thoughts get interrupted by the human from of venom who is sitting right beside him. The phone is on speaker of course. So she can hear all of their conversation. She gives Kuroo a warning look when Kenma asks him if something was wrong. So he tries to make his voice more composed and answers.

"What do you mean what's wrong? There's nothing wrong Kenma. In fact I want to tell you something. Something good.... "

Kenma frowns.

"What is it?"

Kuroo was going to tell him but suddenly Hanayo stops him. She whispers him to tell Kenma that they need to meet in person for this. Kuroo is really annoyed at this point. Everytime he thinks it can't get any worse something even worse than that kept happening. He just goes with what he has been told. I mean what else there's to do.

"Can we meet up? I want to tell you in person?"

"Um sure? But is it that important? We can always come visit each other though. You can come over or I can overcome to your's."

Hanayo yet again disapprove. She wants to meet up in some coffee shop. And tells him that she's coming along too. Of course what else Kuroo was expecting.

"No Kenma. Let's meet in a coffee shop. I wanna introduce you to someone."

All the sing of happiness from Kenma's face disappears. A good news? Introducing someone? Kenma really isn't liking how it sounds and the way it's going.

"Who?"

"You'll see when we meet. So how about 4 pm,in Orchard Cafe?"

"Sounds okay."

"Alright then. See you. Bye."

"Bye."

 

"Wow you really are good at acting. You sound so happy when you were talking. I thought you are really honest and can't act to save your life." Hanayo says.

"Well now you know."

Kuroo is bitter, really bitter. He's feeling like an edgy teenager. Ready to snap at everyone, everything.

He gets up. He really needs to get back home.

"Where are you going?"

"To hell."

Childish, really childish. He knows but can't help it. Hanayo laughs.

"I thought you already in Hell though. So it isn't enough yet? Should I word harder?"

This little.... Kuroo tries his absolute best to tempt his anger.

"I'm going home, where else."

"Hnnmmm. Hey give me your home key. I mean give me a spare one."

"What! Why would I? Are you crazy?"

"What do you mean by why? We're dating. Of course we should have each other's house key. Feel lucky that I'm not telling you to move in with me."

"This shit again. For fucks sake."

"Yes littery for FUCKS sake."

Hanayo laughs. Kuroo is so tired that he can't even get disgusted at this point.

"I don't have one with me right now. Will give you later."

"Okay baby boy. Come pick me up at afternoon when we go meet Kenma."

"Can't you just come by yourself? I'll have to come back to the opposite way to pick you up."

"No can do. What kind of person you are. You're going to intro your girlfriend to your bestfriend. You obviously need to pick me up. Don't be so hostile."

Hostile.... Kuroo though.

"Okay I'll come to pick you up. Be ready by 3:30 pm please. And it's already 1:30. I need to go."

"Okay honey~~"

Poison. Kuroo thinks in his mind. He gets back to the bedroom. Gets fully dressed, collects his stuff and leave.

* * *

* * *

After leaving the building Kuroo takes a deep breath. Even though everything is still the same in a hellish way he still feels kinda relif and peaceful after leaving her place. Which reminds him how much he hates her. And how worse the future days gonna be. His brain is full of these kinds of thoughts. He headed towards his home to clean the flith. At least the outer ones by taking a shower.

He gets into his apartment, throws his clothes away, probably gonna burn them cause they're giving him PTSD

and goes straight into the shower.

He hisses the moment water hits him. Didn't realize that there are littery wound in his body from yesterday's....... But they're not even hickeys, literally wounds. WTF. What on earth actually they did yesterday?

"God please at least don't wanna get infected. Shit. Gotta apply antiseptic."

Kuroo finishes his shower and apply some antiseptic and band-aid. And realise that he is kinda shaking? For what?  
Anddddd his stomach growls.

"Ahh that's why."

He hasn't eaten since yesterday morning and it's almost afternoon right now. Human body is amazing. Even though he is in so much pain and regret his body still reminds him what it wants, what it needs.  
Which reminds him he was empty stomach when he went to the bar and didn't even ate anything before he started to drink. Damn it! That's why the alcohol got him so hard.

 

Anyways he goes to the kitchen to make something for himself. Even though they're gonna meet up in a cafe he's pretty sure he won't be able to eat anything in front of Kenma after this. Even though Kenma doesn't know anything, and if he knew he wouldn't care much cause who cares about their adult best friend having an one night stand anyway. It's only him. It's all in his head. He's going nowhere with these thoughts. Going round and round.

 

He finishes his meal and get ready cause it's almost time and he needs to pick that snak.... by that he means pick Hanayo up. He locks his door and goes to the parking lot. Gets his car which he wouldn't need if he could go to cafe straight from his house. But apparently he needs to pick someone up from the opposite side and it's a lot of walking so he opted for the car. And goes to Hanayo's place.

\---------------------------_------------------------

 

Even though he'll certainly find out who Kuroo wants to introduce he can't help but think about it in a bad way....... He's really having a bad feeling. He almost doesn't wants to go. Almost. But he's curious of course. Curiosity kills the cat...... Gosh the symbolism. He hates himself.

Anyways it's almost time and he needs to get going.

\---------------------------_------------------------

'What the......... Why hell she's so dressee up. They're littery going to a cafe near his house in the board day light.' Kuroo thinks to himself.

"Hi sweetheart."

"Can you please stop with the pet names. I hate it."

"Why would a cat hate pet name?"

Ahahaha. She stared to laugh.  
Kuroo is all about these corny jokes and symbolism but right now for some reason it's making his blood boil. Yep he hates her.

"Get in the car already we're running late."

She gets in the car and Kuroo stars driving.

"Hey."

"What?"

"So have you thought about how are you gonna tell Kenma about our love story?"

"You mean a fictional story. The one that never happened."

"You're smarter than I thought."

"I would be glad if you stop thinking about me."

"Lol. As if. How can I stop thinking about the love of my life??"

".......... I seriously have nothing to say."

"Are you that touched? Haha. Anyway about the story. Have you thought about it?"

"No I didn't."

"Good. Then listen to what I say and do as I want?"

She says with a dark voice and smile. Her cherry vibe is gone totally. The duality of her character really makes Kuroo sick.

 

Kuroo pulled up in a parking lot near the cafe. They both get out of the car and head towards the cafe. they're late. It's always kuroo who needs to wait for Kenma or most of the time needs to drag Kenma out of the his room. But today that's not the case. Kuroo can see from outside that Kenma is already waiting inside of the cafe.

A lump started to from inside his throat. Suddenly he's feeling like an abandoned child. His hole existence telling him to run away from here. He doesn't have an ounce of will to go inside and meet Kenma.

"What happen? Why are you not walking? Let's go, isn't that Kenma waiting? You wanna ke him waiting?"

Kuroo doesn't answer. He just stars walking. But Hanayo stops him.

"What now?"

" Fix your mood babe. You look more like someone going to a funeral rather than a person who's going to introduce his girlfriend to his friend. And as far as I know, Kenma is really observant. He's gonna catch us right away."

"By us you mean YOU right?"

"Oh come on now babe. How many times do I need to tell you we are now one soul now."

"What rubbi-"

"Don't make me do something you don't want to face. Just. Do. As. I. Say."

 

Kuroo tries his best to fix his expression. Cause it's obviously true that Kenma is really observant. Especially when it comes to Kuroo he can read him like a morning newspaper. Kuroo wonders if Kenma really gonna find out that it's all a lie. That he's being trapped. He can't help but hope so. With all these in head they entered the cafe. But Hanayo suddenly grabs Kuroo's hand when he was about to push open the door. 'Wow!' Kuroo thinks with annoyance. Now he needs to keep up with this PDA ? He just sings and opens the door.

* * *

 

Kenma is already waiting for Kuroo to arrive. It's really strange, Kenma thinks. Cause he never waits for Kuroo. He doesn't really needs to. It's Kuroo who drag him out of his room. Well it's not too bad waiting for someone once in awhile.

TBH he kinda of get here before 4pm which is very out of his character. And Kuroo might have started tearing up if he was the one coming here first upon seeing how punctual Kenma has become at least once in his life, so it's better Kuroo isn't already here.

But then again he's sitting alone waiting and surrounded by strangers. For Kenma it's really nerve wracking. He's uncomfortable. He's tapping his fit constantly and waiting.  
Although after all these years he still plays games he still hasn't brought his game console. Because afterall he's an adult right now and can't be so absorbed in his won world when he's meeting someone new. So he's here looking on his phone eagerly waiting for Kuroo to arrive. Looking at the door whenever someone entering.

The bell starts to ring again. He looks up and sees Kuroo entering. 'Finally'! He thought. His face lit up. But................

* * *

Kuroo notices the moment he opens the door Kenma's glance shoot back at him. He thought Kenma would be on his own world and he would need to go there and nudge him. He also notices Kenma's face suddenly lit up and right after darken up? Why? Is that because of Hanayo? That's not right, right? Why would Kenma be upset for that? Maybe he's just pissed off because he waited for him in public where he's basically surrounded by strangers.

Yes that's more likely the reason. And now he's kinda spacing out? What is he thinking? Isn't he acting kinda strange?

 

He goes towards the table with Hanayo behind him.

* * *

There's a girl trailing behind Kuroo. Very dressed up. A new friend maybe? They are perhaps holding hands? Are they that close?

Kenma feels his heart drops. He's feeling nauseous.

It's amazing isn't it. Even though he's forcefully refusing to believe what his rational side is thinking his body is already reacting according to his thoughts. It's The subconscious side of him already knows what's coming.

Is that what happens when you are too gone for someone? No matter how rational you are you'll try and will refuse the truth?

 

Kenma kinda black out for a moment and by that time Kuroo and the lady are already in front of him.

"Kenma."  
Kuroo says in a soft voice. The one he always uses when he's talking to Kenma normally.

Kenma stands up. Looking at Hanayo.

"Hi." Kenma greets him.

Kenmna notices that the girl tug Kuroo's hand the one she's holding, impatiently.

"Kenmna she's Hanayo. Hanayo Hebijima. And Hanayo he's Kenma Kozume, my best friend."

'Best friend.........' Kenma thinks. Well that's right. He's only Kuroo's best friend afterall.

Both Kenma and Hanayo bowed each other and they sit down. Kenma notices that Kuroo and the girl string together opposite of him. That never happens? It doesn't matter if they are introducing anyone to each other they would always sit together opposite of the people or person they are introducing. It may seems kinda rude towards they guest but they could careless. Cause majority of the time it's Kuroo who's bringing a new friend and he knows very well that Kemna will feel uncomfortable if he's not beside him. But today is different.......... Kenma can't help but notice that a lot of things suddenly is different today. He can already feel what's gonna happen.

 

And Hanayo starts to speak.

"It's nice to meet you Kozume -Kun"

"It's my pleasure too. But please call me Kenma."

"Ahh really!? But directly first name... "

"It's okay, I prefer my first name."

"Okay then I'll call you Kenma-San"

"As you wish."

As they were taking the waiter came along and took their orders.

"Tetsurō - kun, you didn't even introduced me properly to Kenma -San"

'WTF why she's calling me by my first name!'  
Kuroo kinda caught off guard.

 

Kenma's head snap forward and he's equally shock as Kuroo if not more. Cause outside of those friends who plays volleyball no one calls Kuroo by his first name. Heck only Oikawa calls kuroo, 'Tetsurō'. And that's understandable, it's because of Oikawa's personality and how close they are. But why she's....... Kenma is confused.

"Proper introduction?"  
Kenma asks.

"Yes, proper introduction. He didn't even said who actually I am."

Kuroo glups. Kenma looks at him, his gaze telling Kuroo that he wants and explanation. It's not even a asking gaze he's literally demanding. Again odd for Kenma.

 

"Kuroo?"

Why does that sound so different. Kenma only called him by his name. But he can tell there's so much going on. Even though Kenma is so composed Kuroo can practically hear all the sadness, hurt and even anger in Kenma's voice. Is he hearing right? Or is it just his own emotions he's projecting yet again on Kenma.

 

Kuroo carefully starts to speak. He cannot fuck this up. Kenma would easily find out something is wrong if he's not careful.

"Oh I didn't mention? I always tell you everything that's why I thought I already told you. She's my girlfriend."

 

And there it is. The truth Kenma was trying to run away from. The picture he was visualizing,from the moment he got that call from Kuroo. He knew, he knew it. Yet his sky stats to crumble. He's feeling a little bit dizzy.

 

Kuroo notices Kenma suddenly just looking down and he's sweating? Again so odd. It's the beginning of October. And already pretty chilly outside. Even though it's not snowing the temperature is pretty low for Kenma who hates cold. And now he's sweating? After hearing Kuroo has a girlfriend?

And Hanayo is kinda creepily smiling. Again why? What's going on? Is this her general evil smile or there's more than meets the eye?

 

"Kenma?"

"Yes?"

"Why are sweating?? It's kinda cold though?"

"I think I put on more worm clothes than necessary. You know I hate cold. And it's not even that chilly yet I put on this much worm clothes, maybe that's why. Anyways congratulations to both of you."

That's maybe the longest and fastest speech from Kenma in one go. 'Is he nervous?' Kuroo thinks.

'WHY? WHY!? WHY!!!! WHY????? WHY???!!!?! TELL ME WHY KENMA. TELL ME WHAT YOU ARE THINKING. TELL ME WHAT I WANNA HEAR. PROVE IT WHAT I'M THINKING IS THE TRUTH.'

Kuroo thinks in his mind and holds back himself from saying it out loud.

"Thank you Kenma-San."

Hanayo says with an enthusiastic voice and brightening smile.

Kuroo is too busy observing Kenma to feel disgusted by Hanayo's fakeness.

 

The rest of the conversation went pretty normally it seems. The only thing Kuroo notices Kenma hasn't eaten his apple pie. He just taken one bite out of it. Again WTF is wrong with him. Or is just all his imagination.

Even though Kenma isn't foody he loves apple pie a lot. Any other time he would have finished the whole thing. But today....... Maybe he is not hungry.......... Maybe.

 

After chatting a bit longer they say their goodbyes. Kuroo goes to drop Hanayo.

 

And Kenma leaves on his own. With a heavy head and empty heart.

A heavy head that is full with thousands of _what ifs._

_And empty heart with nothing but remorse to fill the void._

 


	5. Empathy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 2 is the present state of Kenma after this meet up. So I won't repeat it here. I'll write from Kuroo's perspective here.

When they reach Hanayo's building's garage she takes Kuroo's phone without permission and forces him to unlock it. And then dials her won number so that she can have Kuroo's number. Also saves her own number in Kuroo's phone with a disgusting amount of emoji. And warns him not to avoid her calls or texts no matter when it is. Also reminds him about his house key and finally, finally! leaves.

  
Kuroo lets out a sigh of relief. And drives back to his apartment. It's already dark outside. He turns on the lights and sits down on his couch, throws his head backwards. A lump suddenly stars to form in his throat yet again. There's a aching feeling in his chest. Something is wrong **something**. But he can't tell what it is.

Well apart from the part that he actually buried his 12 years old love alive there's something else that is not quite right. But he can't figure out what it is. And it's killing him. Cause that **something** seems to be really important.  
And that reminds him Kenma's behavior throughout their whole meet-up. Those subtle changes of his expression, was really Kuroo's imagination? That can't be right? No that's not right. He can't be that wrong. Especially when the person is Kenma he is talking about. He too familiar with those expression to be wrong.

And he can tell Kenma was trying to surpass those emotions and was trying to act composed yet it wasn't working. That just shows how on edge he was. Normally if he _tries_  to act composed it's hard to tell if he's displeased or not even for Kuroo. But today.................. He can clearly tell Kenma was on a emotional rollercoaster. But **WHAT FOR THOUGH**?

Maybe Kenma also.........  
No that can't be. He would've at least gotten some hint, the ones he is craving for years. But he has never seen Kenma acted that kind of  way.

Maybe he's just upset because his best friend just popped  up with his girlfriend out of nowhere and didn't even tell him that he's seeing someone or anything like that beforehand that's why? And not to mention Hanayo called him by his first name which shows how close are they. Kenma must have thought they have been dating for a long time. And Kuroo didn't tell him anything all this time. And was trying to hold back so that he wouldn't come across rude towards Hanayo. Yep that's the only logical explanation.

  
Well for example if Bokuto did the same he would be mad also. He tries to explain himself. Which also means he needs to call Kenma and apologize. He picks up the phone, andddddddddd ~~*drumroll for this event please*~~ there's a call from Hanayo. What a surprise........

"Hello?"

"Hey honey."

"Why have you called?"

"Do I need a reason to? Can't I just call my boyfriend whenever I want? Anyway I need some money."

Already.............

  
"And what can **I**  do for that??"

"Oh come on. ~ _Baby are you dumb_ ~. You know what you need to do."

"How much?"

"Not much. 70000 Yen only. I know it's a piece of cake for you. "

Although that amount isn't a piece of cake for Kuroo, it certainly isn't that much either. Not because his family is wealthy, cause he does not depend on them, it's because he's doing a pretty good part time job after finishing his Honour's Degree. **But** the thing is he'd rather donate that amount of money rather than giving _her_.

Hell let he isn't even willing to give 1 Yen to her let alone 70000 Yen. Yet again he has no choice. It was a given that she'll ask for money.

"It certainly isn't a small amount. It's literally monthly rent for a pretty big apart in Tokyo. Don't expect too much. I don't depend on my family. They don't give me any money. I've to earn them. So even if you demand too much I won't be able to give you."

"That's not my problem. Don't get too comfortable. Are you expecting me to act like your real girlfriend and worry about your well-being?? Well too bad. That's not going to happen. Just give the money already. You should be thankful. I could've easily asked for more."

' _Why do I even bother_ ' Kuroo thinks.

"Okay I'll. When do you want?"

"Well I want it now but I'll just have some mercy on you and post pone it for tomorrow morning."

"Okay. By-"

"Wait wait wait"

"What?"

"What about the house key? "

"Why are you so obsessed with my house key?? And why should I believe a stranger like you. No let me correct a person like **you**."

"Because you don't have a choice? Listen I want what I want. Don't deny it. You'll regret."

"I'm not giving you. It's too much. "

"How dar-"

"Don't argue. You always talk about my family's wealth. But apart from wealth we do hold some special authority. Do you want me to use it? "

He can hear Hanayo's gulping sound. Even though Kuroo knows that he in a million years won't use his family's reputation for something like that and neither he wants his family to know about anything like this but it's not too bad to at least lightly threaten a brat like her. He has enough already. And knows more things are coming, so he needs a break.

Everything he's being doing from yesterday is partially for guilt rather than fear to be honest. But at this point the feeling of guiltiness is kinda fading away. Because of her behavior and the things she made him do.

  
"Okay I don't need those fucking keys. But I want my money by tomorrow."

And cuts the call. Okay then. Kuroo is more than happy that she at least stopped nagging about the keys.

' _Oh! Kenma_ ' He suddenly remembers.

  
Kuroo dials Kenma's number but he doesn't receive. He tries again and again but no answer.

"Is he asleep? But it's only 7 though. He doesn't sleep til it's past midnight."

He is now contemplating whether or not he should go and check on Kenma but chose not to. Something inside him telling him that Kemna need some time alone. He doesn't know for what though. It's just a feeling.

 

* * *

* * *

* * *

 

 

It's been 5 days since their meet up. And within this 5 days things manages to get even worse than before. Hanayo obviously made Kuroo to introduce her to his close friends. And by that it means Bokuto, Daichi, Oikawa, Iwazumi and Akaashi.

And as expected everyone was shocked but not pleasantly. Oikawa was practically disgusted when he heard it is Hanayo. He doesn't approve at all. He could care less that it is his friend and he should support his relation.

Eventhough Iwazumi gave him a warning look he could care less. Every one else was trying to supportive but their faces was telling him the truth. And honestly he'd be concerned if they were _actually_ happy about it. He might have consider looking for new friends if they were genuinely happy about it.

The only one looking at him suspiciously was Akaashi. He might have actually caught something from the way he was talking. Even though normally anyone wouldn't notice, Akaashi definitely would. He's just like Kenma. Has eagle eyes.

Speaking of Akaashi, he should be ready for receiving some dirty looks and salty comments from Tsukishima too. Cause Akaashi definitely gonna tell his boyfriend about it. God. What a match. Perfect couple. Perfect for each other. Kuroo sometimes envy.

  
______________________________-______________________________

 

Kenma hears his doorbell rings. Who's now? Today Kenma didn't have any classes so he decided to sleep. He isn't in his best condition afterall. Mental disaster does affect physical health too.

Gets up and look through the intercom. To his surprise it's Tukishima. He didn't expect Kei to show up. He opens the door.

Kei is holding some bags in his hand. Food?

  
"Hello Kenma-San"

"Hello. I didn't expect you to come. Come on in."

Kei is looking kinda hurt and concern at the same time.

"Have you just came to casually visit? Or did something happend?"

"Shouldn't I be the one asking that? "

"What?"

"About if something happened or not."

'Oh so Kei do know about it then. That's why he came to visit.'  
He thinks but still tries to deny.

  
"What are you talking about?"

"Kenma-San, Keiji told me about Kuroo-san. You don't need to hide it from me. And look at you. What have you done to yourself. I can practically count your bones. When the last time you ate? Or sleep if I say. There dark circles under your eyes."

Although Kei is not the type to show his concern for someone so vocally, Kenma knows where this attitude is completely from. Kei himself has to go through this and Kenma was there for him. That's why he knows and care for Kenma.

Honestly the only person knows about his feelings towards Kuroo is Kei. They had bond over their hard times.

  
"I did. I did ate and sleep Kei. Don't worry."

"Oh really? Is this why you are shaking? And lose 10 pounds?"

  
"Kei I-"

"Kenma-San please. At least not not me. Just please don't lie. You were there when I needed you. So please let me be your side when I need you."

So out of character. Nobody will recognize **this** Tukishima. Yet it doesn't surprise Kenma. Cause he knows this kei really well.

Kenma can hear that Kei's voice getting heavier and rougher as he continues to talk. He can tell that Kei is holding back tears. But he couldn't.  
Before he knew tears stared rolling down his cheeks. Maybe it's the fact that it's not any other person but Kei is in front of him that all his resolve got destroyed. And he realized he's being hugged by Kei.

  
Kei leds him towards the sofa and sits him down and keeps hugging him while he cries his heart out.

  
About half an hour later he clams down. He's exhausted and TBH hungry. Kei hands him a glass of water to drink and goes to the kitchen to grab some plates.

He unpack the foods and serves them on plates. He also brought an hole apple pie for him. Kenma is going to cry again. What a sweetheart this Kid is. Eventhough he's Tsundere and can be salty ass sometimes Keiji is so lucky to have him.

"Kenma-San please eat up."

"It's a lots of food. I can't eat all of it. Eat with me?"

"If that's what you want."

Kenma goes for the pie but Kuroo swatted his hand away.

"No. That's dessert. You can have it after you finish your meal."

Kenma slightly pouts and Kei let's out a chuckle. And they starts eating.

 

 

 


	6. Fidus Achates (Tsukishima kei)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey so I used the word "Vietnam flashback" in the chapter. Is that offensive? Is that racist? I actually don't know. If anyone knows please tell me. If it's offensive I'll replace it with another word.
> 
>    
> Also I'm not physically doing well so if the fic doesn't get any update for a long time just think I'm not here anymore <3

> _**Fidus Achates** :- Noun_ _for **Faithful friend**_

* * *

* * *

 

It's kind of an awkward atmosphere. No, chilly and tense to be exact.

Bokuto had dm'ed Kuroo yesterday asking if he was free tomorrow because all of their close friends are going out for drinks at the evening. And of course he said yes. He _needs_  some distraction. Not that type of disastrous distraction that he had previously. With safety this time. A safe atmosphere that'll be created by his friends those who actually care about his well-being.

But now, let alone safe, he's kinda having a feeling that Tsukishima will devour him. He's giving him those nasty and cold looks continuously. It looks like he's trying to pierce Kuroo's soul for some reason.

  
Kuroo kind of knows _why_ , but he's also kind of confused?

Like he does know that Tsukishima knows about Hanayo. Also Tsukishima is one of his 2 kouhais who knows what kind of person Hanayo is. Thanks to his another beautiful kouhai, Akaashi, who informs Tsukishima almost all the important information.

Don't get it wrong, Akaashi does keep the secrets buried inside him - the one's he's not allowed to tell. He wouldn't publicize someone's secret if he's vowed not to speak of them to anyone.  
But for some reason this intellectual couple likes to inform each other and discuss about controversial topics and shady people. Maybe they're trying to stay safe from these things by having strategic meetings, who knows.

Also especial thanks goes to his another best friend ~~_that fucking owl_~~ Bokuto Koutaro who is always eager to leak information to Akaashi. Honestly Akaashi wouldn't even know about Hanayo in the first place if not for Bokuto telling him. Not the relation part, but about what kind of a snake that girl is.

  
Back to Tsukishima. Kuroo honestly doesn't know why Tsukishima is giving him those looks. Even if Tsukishima knows about Hanayo he could care less about it. As much as it hurts to say it is the truth that Tsukishima wouldn't even give a single ounce worthy of fuck about his life choices. He can go choke on a bamboo plant and Tsukishima will be there waving goodbye to him instead of helping. That's how much he cares about Kuroo. Then what's this about?

He can practically feel Tsukishima's laser sharp gaze on himself. Even though everybody is here talking, laughing and in general being noisy he's kinda feeling threatened by Tsukishima. He was just going to ask him what is he getting those looks for but suddenly Bokuto practically lands *a hammer* his hand on Kuroo's back which knocks most of the oxygen out of his lungs.

"Yo bro whaddup, why are you **hic** shooo quite?"

Drunk, wasted. Predictable but it's still too early for him to get wasted. Kuroo is kind of having a Vietnam flashback over this wasted drunkard part. All the memories floating around him. He really gained PTSD from it.

  
"Kurooooooooooooo-"

Kuroo has to put his hand on top of Bokuto's mouth since he was shouting right in his ear. This annoying owl. He wants to ~~face-table~~ facepalm so bad. He's getting everything except for the **one**  thing he actually asked for. A fucking distraction from all his problems.

He sighs and removes his hand because Bokuto is trying to bite it. Such a 5 years old.

" **DoT'n pUT YOuR MoUtH oN MY HaND**."

Oikawa starts laughing obnoxiously, Kuroo is really rubbing off on him, huh. Everyone else also starts chuckling at Bokuto's condition. Well, everyone except Tsukishima.

  
"Yeah, why are you so quiet today Kuroo. Generally you two are the loudest." Daichi is pointing at Kuroo and Bokuto. And Oikawa takes the opportunity to poke him.

"You know Bokuto wouldn't get so drunk so early, if you weren't trying to be the grandfather of Statue of Liberty. Look at him, he was so bored that gulping down alcohol was the only thing he could have done. Poor Bo."

Kuroo just rolls his eyes. Tooru is really a drama king.

"All of you guys are here. How can he get bored without me. You guys are literally making obnoxious amount of sound the moment we stepped in. How can anyone get bored in this situation."

"Don't you dare talk about noises. You are literally the least qualitified person to complain about it."  
Yaku snaps at him.

"Rude! I didn't even talk properly today."

"It's not about today." Yaku says

"And that is why we are asking why are you so quite today Kuroo?"  
Daichi spoke from his place.

  
"It's nothing."

"Really?"

"Please do not encourage them to interact with each other, everyone. It's already noisy enough. We're going to get kicked out if these two start talking. Specially when one of them is drunk."  
Finally Akaashi speaks.

Bokuto gasps, truly offended by Akaashi's word. It's a good thing for Akaashi that they aren't playing a volleyball match together so he doesn't need to worry about Bokuto's mood swings. He can politely roast him all he wants.

"AkaAsHI!"  
Bokuto calls him with an overdramatic hurt voice.

Seems like a lots of people in this friend circle are really overdramatic. Which includes Kuroo too. Who also tries to deny that he's not loud at all ~~does he even hear himself talking? And that laugh?~~

  
Tsukishima suddenly asks,

"Are you absent minded because Kenma-San isn't here?"

Ahh. It's hits him. Is he really subconsciously missing Kenma? Kenma isn't here today because he's visiting his family to attend a family event.

Is this really why nothing is feeling right? Tsukishima also fell into the category of having eagle eyes. And the way he was looking at him, he can certainly tell what Kuroo was thinking, even before he himself realized.

"Not really. It's nothing. Maybe I'm a bit exhausted. You know my final is near."

Well he isn't completely lying though. It is true.

"Oh yeah I almost forgot. You and Oikawa-san are doing your Master's degree."

"You two are sluts for education."

Yaku says and everyone burst out laughing, even Tsukishima. Oikawa chokes on his drink and spills it. Iwazumi is now laughing and trying to save his dying friend.  
Kuroo is torn between banging his own head and hammering Yaku's. He really wants to make Yaku even shorter than he already is by hammering him into the ground.  
That was out of the blue. A whole new and worse way of calling someone **Nerd**. Hell, now after this he wouldn't even mind if someone calls him nerd as long as it's not _**slut for education**_ , WTF.

"Oh my God, Yaku **hic**. You're so _**Jesus**_."

"What?" Yaku asked

"He mean _genius_ " Akaashi translates.

And everyone starts to laugh even harder.

Their conversation goes on as the night gets older. They start to leave.

Kuroo is now in the parking lot, about to get into his car and he suddenly remembers that he left the house key inside. Now he's locked outside. What has he done to deserve this.

He was thinking about what to do and Akaashi calls him.

"Kuroo-san, what happened?"

"I left my house key on the kitchen counter when I was getting water and forgot to take it before leaving and it's pretty late now. I can't do anything about it."

"How about staying at our place for the night?"

"Really?"

"Why not? We live pretty close also."

"Tsukishima wouldn't mind?"

He's still thinking about Tsukishima's gaze.

"No he wouldn't. Kuroo-san, you know he's a little snarky from the outside but isn't really like that."

"I'm fine with you staying."

Tsukishima popped out of nowhere making both of them jump.

"Were you sneaking behind our backs?"

"Why would I? I was trying to find where Keiji went."

Tsukishima is now back hugging Akaashi and has his face buried in his shoulder. Kuroo guesses that he's kinda drunk. Otherwise none of them show PDA when they are completely sober.

Akaashi clears his throat and tries to untangle himself from his boyfriend. But he is being whiny and stubborn. Wow! When did he even get this drunk? He's normally a responsible drinker though? People are behaving abnormally these days. One is doing something they're not supposed to do including Kuroo himself.

"Let's go Kuroo-san?"

Kuroo is now really contemplating whether he should go or not. He really doesn't want to be a ~~cock blocker~~  third wheel between a couple. But he has no option. The rest of his friends went home already and pretty much wasted. So........

"..... Okay let's go. Did you guys bring your car?"

"Yes,"

"I guess we have to drive separately then?"

"Well yeah. Follow us."

"Okay."

 

  
\--------------------------------------------------_----------------------------------------------------

 

They pull up in the garage and Kuroo notices Tsukishima is still not sober. He's being even more clingy. Kuroo is now really considering if he should leave or not. Invading his friends' personal space and time is really not a good idea. A good friend certainly does not do it. If only Kenma was home..........

Akaashi notices that Kuroo is hesitating so he starts speaking.

  
"Kuroo-san, you really don't have to worry about coming over. I'm the one who insisted in the first place. If anything I'm sorry for making you uncomfortable. I hadn't realize Kei was this drunk. He's always so responsible, but-"

  
"No no! It's totally fine. I mean you guys were kind enough to invite me. And sometimes even most responsible person get wasted, you know?"

' _Who knows that better than me_..' Kuroo thinks bitterly.

"Then, should we go?"

"Yeah."

And they go for the elevator. Although Tsukishima is drunk, he's not stumbling. So he doesn't need any help.

They reach their destination which is the 11th floor. Akaashi tries and successfully opens the door with a clingy Tsukishima.

Kuroo still thinks it's a bad idea. He really doesn't want to see or hear something he isn't supposed to.

~~His Kouhais fucki-~~

' **BIBLE, HOLY WATER, BLEACH** '

He starts to yell those words in his mind so that those images won't appear.

  
They enter the apartment and Akaashi kind of forcefully yet gently ( _How does he even do it_ ) removes Tsukishima from himself and makes him sit on the couch.

"Kuroo-san, please wait a bit and keep an eye on him. He likes to take things out of their places and throw them when he's drunk. Don't let him do that."

And with that Akaashi ventures to the kitchen.

 _Tsukishima_  does that? Wow that's something new. And when does even he get drunk? It is the very first time he's seeing this guy drunk.

Akaashi comes back with lemon water. And makes Tsukishima drink the water.

"Why lemon water?"

"It helps to sober up."

"Oh."

"Kuroo-san, the room on the right is your room. We have a common washroom though. You have to share. Sorry for that."

"Oho Akaashi, it's more than fine. You don't need to be so polite. I'm the one who is causing problem. I forgot my key. I should stop acting like a child and become the grown ass adult that I _am_."

  
"You think so?"

Suddenly Tsukishima starts speaking. Still not completely sober but better than before.

"Kei, what are you -"

"Then how about starting from, apologizing to Kenma-San, you asshole?"

"What?"

Kuroo is utterly ridiculous. What on earth?

  
"What? You're asking _me_  that? When _you_ should be the one answering. What and who gives you the right to betray the person who you've known for 12 fucking years! You unloyal piece of shit! If you didn't mean it then why on earth you did you act like that?!"

Tsukishima is practically screaming at this point. Which he never did before. At least not in front of Kuroo.

He is so shocked that he can't even process everything. He can't make out the meaning of what Tsukishima is saying.

  
Apologies to Kenma? For what? Not telling him about his fictional relationship before? And what about the loyalty? What did he do that makes him a betrayer? He wish Tsukishima was more specific and sober.

"Tsuki-"

"Kei, stop it. When did you pick up this drinking habit? It's pretty late now. The neighbors are going to complain. And don't say whatever you want to our guest.  
Kuroo-san, I must apologize for his behalf. I didn't know he had this habit also."

"No. No it's fine, but Akaashi I want to understand what he's trying to say."

"I do believe he's just spouting random things. But if you want to know, I think you should ask him in the morning when he's not drunk."

"......okay."

And that night becomes one of the longest night in Kuroo's life, With no sleep what so ever.

* * *

* * *

 

 The next morning.

Kuroo is sitting on the couch, which is in the living room. He is still in Akaashi and Tsukishima's apartment. Waiting for them to wake up. Especially for Tsukishima.

But it's significantly early for anyone to get up. Not to mention, they were up for really late.  
Well, Kuroo didn't need to get up early, because he didn't sleep at all through the night. Which made him more irritated than he already was. And the cherry on top is that he's not annoyed about someone else but himself.

He's annoyed. Because he constantly feels that there's  _something_  that he is oblivious about. Something  ** _so_**  obvious that even a person who's skull is as thick as a black-hole, can see that  _something_  very clearly.

And here he is,  **The**  smart-ass Kuroo Tetsurou,who is known for his.........smartness  ~~duh~~.... is clueless about something,that he really should know about.

But apparently, another smart-ass known as Tsukishima Kei ,seems to know about that  _something_.

He truly hopes that Tsukishima won't sabotage him and leave him to figure everything out by himself. He looked and acted really angry towards Kuroo, so who knows.

  
Kuroo had been thinking about all these things and he almost falls asleep, but wakes up when he hears someone entering the living-room. He thinks it's Akaashi, but to his surprise, it's Tsukishima.

' _Shouldn't he be asleep now? He was drunk yesterday........ or today_ ' He thinks.

Tsukishima crosses the living room and goes to the kitchen to grab a glass of water. He finishes drinking and comes back to the living room.  
Sitting on the couch across the one Kuroo is on, he looks at him.

  
As much uncomfortable Kuroo is feeling right now, he's far more curious to let it get to him. He truly wants to know what Tsukishima had been talking about last night.  
He proceeds to speak but Tsukishima shuts him down. It seems as though these days people are shutting him down left and right.

  
Instead of him, Tsukishima speaks.

  
"You're going to ask me about what I was saying yesterday, right?"

"Today*. But yes. I want to know what you were saying about me. About betraying Kenma and acting? What about them?"

To Kuroo's surprise, Tsukishima is looking down. Not lifting his head and looks like he is hesitating.

"Was that all just nonsense, Tsukishima? Were you really that drunk and talking about whatever?"

"...........No,"

"Then?"

"I really am not sure if you are truly clueless or acting like you are,"

"Wh-"

"You're not that dumb, now, are you? If it was Bokuto-san or Hinata I could understand. But it's  ** _you_.**  I refuse to believe you really don't understand what I was talking about last night."

"Tsukishima,  _please_. I'm really clueless. I swear I've never felt so dumb in my whole life. Even figuring out how Kageyama-Hinata were doing that frick-quick, was far less complicated."

' _This basterd. Did he really just use another volleyball related comparison to explain this situation.'_   Tsukishima thinks with disgust.

  
"Can't you use any other scenario to describe it."

"But-"

"Whatever. Back to what I was saying.  
Listen, I have my limits. I cannot just talk about something, that's not mine at all. It's not  _my_  story to tell. But despite that I've already said enough.  **More**  than enough to be exact.  
All I can tell you now is that, I wasn't babbling about nothing. Every word I spoke is something I can stand for when I'm sober.  
And the rest is up to you. Well, that is if you really don't know already. Or if you really care."

"But Tsuki-"

"I said what I said. You're not dumb, Kuroo-san."

And with that Tsukishima stands up and goes back to their bedroom.  
Kuroo is soooooo done with everything. Of all people, it's Tsukishima that he needs an answer from. WHY! If it was anyone else,  ** _anyone_** , Kuroo could at least have a chance, to squeeze some information out. But  **T.S.U.K.I.S.H.I.M.A**. Damn it.

On the other hand, Tsukishima is right.  
It's not his story to tell. It's Kenma's. Something so secretive that even Kuroo doesn't know, but should have. Only Tukishima knows about it.  
If it is that important then he cannot blame him. He's only trying to be a good friend.

  
So in a nutshell, there's no one else to blame but himself.

' _Ok, noted_.' Kuroo thinks.

And gets up. He is almost sure that Tsukishima wouldn't want to see him anymore. He should leave now. He also mentally notes that he needs to thank Akaashi for letting him stay and apologize for causing trouble, later. With that, he leaves.

 


	7. Epiphany

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had to put the publication date 20 September when it's already 21 September in my country. WTF.  
> Also, do anybody know how to add photos in the fic from phone. Cause I use my phone to write. And it's not an iPhone. And ordinary phone. Thank you.

**Kenma's perspective**

 

After Kei's visit, Kenma is feeling relatively less shittier than before.

For someone who's constantly feeling constipated to let out any kind of emotions, it's fortunate that he _actually has_  this kinds of people around him. It makes him think that he has actually done something right.

And of course getting closer to Kei was a right step. Not like he has ever thought otherwise. It's just that this situation is making him appreciate this friendship even more.

If you had tell Kenma that he and Kei gonna be this close back in the time,when he was a second year in high school, Kenma would have thrown his game console at you.  
It's not that hated kei, it's just that the first year was a little _too_ sassy and hyper- aware,for him. He used to despise the idea of someone trying to read his mind. Is trying to dissect his thoughts to know what he actually **Is**.

  
But both of them has grown over the years. None of them are as hormonaly imbalanced as they were before. Kenma is not obsessed with the idea of covering his entire existence from everyone. And Kei has also calmed down significantly.........  
Well, okay, maybe not. But not as bad as before though. And to be honest, if it's not for Kei's characteristic of dissecting people's minds apart, they wouldn't have get _this_ closer. Also Kenma wouldn't let his guard down infornt of anyone other than Kei.

  
To sums it up Kenma is glad that he has Kei in his life.

  
Also when Kei came that day Kenma has actually spoken up about those things that both him and Kei knew was there and is happening,but never really said out loud.  
They both knew that Kenma has a  ** _special_** feeling towards Kuroo. Which is more than a platonic affection. They both knew that Kei is aware of it,but Kenma never tried to address it. It's like a silent understanding.

Kenma would let down his guard around Kei and talk fondly about Kuroo and Kei would _actually_ let out some sing of endearment at that.  **But**  those unspoken _key words_ were never spoken during those times.  
Kenma really didn't want to, or rather was still in denial and Kei never pressed it.

  
But **_that_**  day he did say those words aloud and cried his heart out.  
And it feels so good afterwards. He really really really is fortunate that Kei was there, holding him tightly and didn't complain at all when he was crying and babbling.

 

Now that Kenma's mind isn't as foggy as before, he thinks he should go _somewhere._   ** _Anywhere._** He _needs_ to get out of his apartment. This place is kinda of suffocating. And also too close to Kuroo's place. They can run into each other any moment. He's not ready to face Kuroo _yet._  So he's thinking what to do. And where to go. He Kinda wanna leave this place for 1 or 2 months. So that he can have enough time to get himself together.

Well 2 months wouldn't be possible. Cause he has his final coming in less than 2 months. Doesn't matter what is going on in his non-existing love life,he can't just simply drop this semester. It costs a lots of  _real_ money. So maybe 1 month at least.

Should he go visit his home? They don't live in Tokyo anymore. They live Takayama. And it's really far from Tokyo.

 Honestly sometimes he doesn't really understand his parents.

 

 

 

> Why would they decide to ' _Travel around the country_ ' all of a sudden?The moment he had been accepted in the university, his parents announced that now they're **FreE frOm tHeIR reSPoNsiBLtY OF beInG PAreNtS.** So now they want to live their life. And went for the country tour. Now their current location is Takayama.

Sometimes kenma doubt if he's really their child or not. Cause there's **_no_**  way Kenma would ever go for this tour ' _around the country_ '. It's too exhausting and uncomfortable for him. Not to mention at **that** age. His parents are not too young. They're in their 50s. Which may not be that older for others, but for Kenma who has been tired since birth, they're older. 

But _now_ he's feeling kinda greatful for their decision.  
His mid-term is over. Which is surprisingly early.  
It's 7th of October which means in 2days there is going to be winter festival in Takayama.  
He can use it as an excuse to visit.  
It's like the hole universe is telling him to visit. So who's he to deny. Especially in this time of his life.

Moreover he can ditch the classes all he wants. Because ~~The professor are shit~~ he's never really attentive and haven't learnt almost anything from those classes. On top of that he has Akaashi, Ennoshita, Yahaba, Futakuchi, Shirabu all there to help him with the school work.

Well yeah, it's extremely irresponsible of him to run away from his duty and totally depending on his friends. But............................. a person sometimes _needs_ to be like that. Otherwise.......................... Even his friends wouldn't want him to do something stupid from all this pressure, now will they?

So that's it. He's going for a long vacation. Also he's the only child of his parents, so they wouldn't question that much. Well at least he hopes so.  
They're always telling him to visit anyway. Maybe it's a little odd time to visit, in the middle of a semester but he'll figure it out,as to what to say them.

 

Kenma picks up the phone and calls his mother to inform that he's coming.

  
"O, Moshi moshi~."

"Moshi moshi."

"Ah Kenma-Chan!"

Kenma really doesn't understand as to why his mom still add the 'Chan' when she calls him. He's a grown ass adult. But oh well, don't they say you are never older in your parents eyes?

"Okaa-san, how are you?"

"I'm doing fine. But what happened to _you_ my child?"

"What?"

 _Am I talking in a weird voice_? Kenma thinks.

"I'm asking what is going on over there, what you are so pressed about? Maybe something big, as I can tell from your voice. Won't you tell me about it?"

And here he was thinking about telling a made up story to his parents, as to why he's going to come over and stay for so long. It's hasn't even been 30 seconds and his mother has already figured it out that he's dealing with some kinds of problems. And that is over phone, whats gonna happen when she will see him. She'll immediately figure it out that something really bad has happened. Not to mention he has lost some weight in the last 5 days. His father is also gonna notice.

"Can I tell you when I come over? "

"You're coming home?"

Kenma can hear his mother's joy in her voice. But the next time she talks, he can hear the worry in her voice.

"But your classes are still going. Why all of a sudden? Kenma, is it really _that_ bad that you need to come back home?"

"No Okaa-san, it's not like that. It's me who has  _choosen_  to visit home. And I might be staying for a long time? Maybe more than 1 month? Please, can I?"

  
"I mean it's also your home Kenma, you can stay as long as you want. And as for us, you're our only child, how can we won't be happy with it? It's not about how long you stay or not, I'm worried about _**you**_ my son."

"Okaa-san I'm fine, I promise. And also if you're worried about my study I can at least tell, I won't drop the semester. So just please, let me visit and I'll tell you about the rest later. Okay?"

"Okay then. I trust you Kenma. I know how thoughtful you are. When are you coming anyway?"

"I thought about coming today. But it's evening and I need to do some works here before coming, so tomorrow will be the time."

"Okay. Come safely. It's a long journey. I'll make apple pies for you. I'll be waiting!"

His mom sounds so excited that Kenma feels a rush of warmth in his chest. One side of his lips is twitching upwards slightly and his vision is kinda.... blurry? Is he crying?

' _When did I became so sensitive_? _There nothing to cry about_ '  
He thinks. Or maybe there **are** some reasons.  
Those words _'I'll be waiting_ ' really made him weak. He didn't even realize that he was feeling unwanted and was waiting for someone to reassure him,that someone _is_ still waiting for him.

It's stupid, it's really is. He does know that there are _more_  than _**one**_ person. But sometimes you just can not win against your irrational thoughts.

"Okay. Please put a lot of fillings in them."

"Haha. I'll."

"Okay,bye."

"Bye."

  
The call ends. And Kenma mentally starts making a list of things he needs to do before going, while weeping his tears.

First he needs to inform his beloved roommate Kageyama, that he is going home.

Yes that's a thing. Apparently Kageyama and Kenma are roommates. Life sure is strange, huh. Who knew, that scary looking intimidating guy will be his roommate.

Well actually Akaashi used to be his roommate. But about about a year ago when Kei and Akaashi got together, they decided to live together.  
And Kenma needed a roommate. Luckily ~~or not~~  Kei's then roommate also needed someone. So it was like an 1+1 math.

  
Kenma still wonders, how on earth ' ** _those two_** ' survived living with each other. Let alone living, how do they even agreed to be roommates. Cause according to Shōyō (and from them also)outside of their matches,Kei and Kageyama don't even want to breath in the same air. And **_they_**  were **_roommates_** for more than a year.

Whatever, he needs to inform Kageyama that he's going for home and the apartment will be empty. Cause, Kageyama also out of the city. Playing for the Uni.

  
Kenma message him. They don't call each other. It's awkward when they talk. Be that over phone or face to face.  
He message him about when he's going and for how long he's gonna stay, so that he won't worry about Kenma.

And then he texts Akaashi and Ennoshita about it, so that they can supply him the reading materials when he's gone. And apparently convince the professors that he's not a spoil brat,who is out there enjoying a lavish holiday in the middle of a semester. Or smuggling drugs.........

  
Anyways, he does all the things he needed to do before going. He also additionaly tells Akaashi,not to tell Kei about him before he's already on his way. There's a possibility Kei may come again and try to talk Kenma out of it. As much as Kenma appreciate Kei's concern for him, he really needs a change of place.

  
With all the works done including buying tickets and packing he heads to bed.

* * *

 

The next day comes. Kenma is dragging his luggage in one hand and holding phone in another one. It's early in the morning and a little foggy. He's already wrapped up with warm clothes. He stood behind the yellow line, waiting for his train. It'll come anytime soon.

It's not the first time that he's going out of Tokyo to visit his parents and every time he goes, he feels excited about it. He has never felt anything other than happiness.  
But not this time. It's really stupid of him, that he's still hoping for a _certain someone_  to come. And drag him out of here,even if Kenma says no. Like he always does. Kenma can _not_  wish for it anymore.

Not anymore.

And the train arrives. He board on the train. There's no meaning of looking back, so he doesn't.

The train starts it's journey.

* * *

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


	8. Fidus Achates (Oikawa Tooru)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Profe reader: Araashi

After a lot of effort, he finally gets to enter his apartment. And again he's sitting on his couch, head falling backwards. Is it Deja Vu?

**_Here he is again. Lost beyond saving. Drowning and drowning. Even the last ship has abandoned him. It's suffocating. He feels like the water is now above his head. The view of the open sky is disappearing, the light is fading._ **

........................................

Did the ship really abandon him though?  
Or did **_he_** , himself, didn't do enough to get its attention?  
Is he even doing _anything_  to save himself? He even stopped swimming. At least he could've tried to keep himself afloat, but he isn't even doing that.

Up until now, he was interpreting the situation as his cry for help while there's no one to hear his voice.  
But in reality he is surrounded by people who are willing to offer their hands. All he needs to do is just reach out to them.

Why is he forgetting that humans _can't_ solve every problems in their life, all by themselves? They _do_  need help of others, time to time.  
Isn't that is the reason as to _why_  we are social?

If any of his friends were hurting like this, he would have been the first one to come forward to help. He himself wouldn't want any of his friends to suffer on their own.

He _should_  seek out their help. And for a fact he knows, **who** that person is. Who's help he needs.

  
This guy, obviously, is a no bullshit type of person. If he likes something or someone, you can tell. And if he doesn't, you  ** _definitely_**  can tell.

When all these emotions and guilt is making his head foggy and holding him back from making the right decision, he really needs him. To slap some sense back into him.

  
                        **"Oikawa Tooru"**

 

 

* * *

* * *

* * *

 

  
"It better be important."

Tooru was sitting across from him. They are in a playground. Sitting on a seesaw. **_Trying to balance each other. Sometimes failing, sometimes succeeding_**.

Tooru has a grumpy look on his face. Kuroo basically dragged him here. Tooru hasn't met him personally neither talked to him outside of their group gathering for at least a month. He is still upset about Hanayo.  
......... A true friend. Yep, that's what he is.

He isn't someone who will kiss your ass, when you've messed up or are wrong, just because you're his friend. He will tell you and if you want he **will**  help you to get out of the situation.

  
"It is important, Tooru."

"Yeah? So important that you had to drag me out from my room, in the middle of the night?"

"It's only 9! Don't exaggerate."

"Okay it's 9. But I was READING, YOU FUCKER!"

"You know Yaku was right. You really are an education slut."

" **DoN't cALl Me tHaT EveR AgAiN.** ALSO, HE CALLed THAT BOTH OF US NOT ONLY ME."

"Okay okay. Calm down. But Tooru, it's really important though."

His voice gets lower and lower as he speaks the last sentence out loud. He's now looking down. Even thinking about that night is making him want to disappear from the universe. Although he tried to tell himself that, at the end it was consensual. But he couldn't get past the fact that, he did, in fact, try to force himself on Hanayo.

Some people might not get it as to **_why_  **he is so obsessed with that part. And why he can't just "get over it." They might also find it a little bit annoying, and call him over dramatic. But it's just sometimes he's too nice for his own well-being.

  
Tooru leans forward and tries to look at his face, the one he is trying to hide.

"Hey? What happened? Why are you looking down? And what was _that_  voice?.......... Tetsu?"

He can clearly hear the concern in Tooru's voice. He's speaking in soft voice now. As if trying to approach a scared animal.  
He's going to cry. He really is. It's been so long since he heard this warm voice.

"It's about Hanayo."

 **Crush!**   **Bam**.

Ouch! What happened? He's suddenly on his ass. Sitting on the ground?  
He looks up. As expected Tooru suddenly got up without warning, that's why he's on the ground.  
~~~~

~~Now I'm lying on the cold hard ground. Awwwwww awwwww. More like sitting~~

  
"Ouch. What was that fo-"

  
"I knew it. Your very important topic is your love life. You had a fight with your girlfriend and now you want a solution as to how you can make up.  
Listen, I'm not even slightly interested in your love life. So don't even try to drag me in it."

And with that he proceeds to leave.

"Tooru wait!! That's not what I mean!"

" Wha-"

"She's _**not**_  my girlfriend."

"You broke up? Good for you then."

"No! There's no need for breakup. Cause there's no relation between us to begin with."

Now Tooru seems confused.

"What? I don't understand?"

"You could've. If you let me explain. Listen, dammit! Listen to what I have to say. Don't just jump to a conclusion and throw people away. Ow!"

Tooru helps him to get up.

"It's going to hurt like a bitch. It's winter, Tooru!"

"Shut up. You deserve it."

"Why?! I-"

"I don't know the reason _yet_. But I have a feeling you do."

"What the-"

"Stop whining like a baby. Even kids don't complain this much when they fall down."

"It was too sudden, okay!?"

"That's how falling works."

"Shut up. And I fell in an awkward position."

He continues to complain while Tooru helps him to get rid of the dust.

 

"Now tell me what all this is about."

  
He starts telling him everything from the beginning. As much as he can remember. With maximum honesty.

And after he finishes-

  
"Tooru?! Where are you going??!"

"I'm going to cut a bitch! Literally."

Kuroo holds him back. And tries to calm him down.

"LEAVE ME! LET ME GO!"

"Did you even listen to what I said? I was also in fault."

"You grandson of Gandhi.

What world and time do you think we live in?! Are trying to convince me that everything she has done is justified, just because you **_almost_** did something stupid while you were drunk and almost unconscious?! YOU are telling me it is okay to blackmail someone, practically rob money from them, all because They ' ** _aLmOsT mAdE a CoNsEntUaL MistAkE?'_** "

"But I -"

"SHUT UP, SHUT UP! Oh my God! I can't believe we're friends. People call you intelligent?! Intelligent my ass. And I was damn right, you **_did_** deserve that fall. 

Can't you see, that bitch was itching to take your dick. All of this was her plan, just to get into your pants and to suck all the money out of you. Enough is enough!"

Wow, so vulgar. But maybe, it's the truth.

  
"I think we need to talk throughly about it."

"WHAT TALK. I'M MURDERING THAT PUTA!"

"Tooru, clam down. You know, we are not going to go anywhere with bursting out like this."

"Okay. Maybe true. But- **achoo!** "

"Ah! We should probably go home. It's colder and you are not properly dressed."

Well, to be fair,Kuroo didn't even gave him the time to dress up. 

"No, it's okay."

"No, it's not. We're going home. We can talk about it later."

"Okay, how about it, we can go back to your place and I'll come over? And discuss about it."

"But you were studying though. Wouldn't it be a problem?"

"Nah. I'm already ahead of my task."

"You edu-, I mean nerd."

"Kettle calling the pot black."

Kuroo rolls his eyes.

"Whatever. Let's go."

* * *

* * *

* * *

 

 

Kuroo is making hot chocolate for Tooru and himself. Tooru is on the couch, has already made a cocoon of blanket around himself.

"Do you want milk bread?"

Tooru prickes up like a bunny.

"Wow! You have them?"

"Yes. Do you want?"

"Of course I want! Don't you know me?"

Course Kuroo knows him. That is exactly why he's offering him milk bread. Tooru's favourite food. It's an apologetic gesture honestly. He knows he shouldn't, but can't help but feel guilty about bothering his friend.

He gives the milk bread to Tooru and puts down the mugs on the table. And attempts to start the conversation.

"So... Should we start talking?"

Tooru takes a big bite out of his milk bread and starts chewing. Thinking hard before answering.

"But where should we start from? There's so much to say and think about."

"You say this now but weren't you the one who was dashing to murder someone like 30 minutes ago?"

"For clarification, I  ** _still_**  want to.  **But**  I'm trying to be civilized and The Great King that I am."

At that Kuroo rolls his eyes.

"Shut up!"

"I didn't say anything."

"You rolled your eyes! Whatever.  
So before talking about what to do next, I think I need to tell you about something that, that bitc-, I mean Hanayo could've pulled up, and you might not even realize that she has.

I'm gonna talk about this before, so that you can have a clear vision about what you  _actually_ did. And how much it's your fault and how much Hanayo's. And hopefully you won't be feeling "bad" about her when we take actions against her."

"Okay." Kuroo replies simply.

"First of, you are a strong drinker. Doesn't matter what, I've never seen you getting  **that**  wasted."

"But I was empty stomach."

"Okay okay. You did mention.  **But** you still need a certain amount of alcohol to get that worse Kuroo. And getting that horny? No! You don't get horny when you are drunk. You got sappy and emo as fuck. We literally had to go search for you and drag you out of the closet the last time you were wasted. You always run away from people when you are drunk, let alone molesting someone.  
There's no way in hell you were that turned on. Unless some drugged you or something. .............................. wait......"

"Tooru, no. You are taking it way too far. She wouldn't-"

"Shut the fuck up. Here I'm trying to help you and you are whiteknighting for her? And why wouldn't she, when she can?  
You  _know_  that girl. She's too shady to not have access to drugs."

"But-"

"Tetsurōu, what is more rational or easy to believe? To believe someone has done something, that totally opposite of what they supposed to do. Or to believe, someone has done something they totally could've done?"

".........."

"Listen I'm not telling you that, it's exactly what happend. But it's a possibility. At least for me the chance of happening the later one is more, than the first one. Especially keeping in mind of what has happened next, it really is a possibility.  
I just want you to keep that in mind that it could be the case, you understand me right?"

"Yes. Yes I do. And honestly, now that you mention....."

"What. What is it?"

"I wasn't completely wasted when Hanayo came around. In fact I was still in my sence and was thinking about calling Boo or you to come and pick me. And suddenly she appeared and offered me another glass."

"And you took it!? Why?!? I know you were drunk but still! Anyone would be sobar and alert when  **she**  comes around."

"Listen. I was already in my emotional state. And on that day I was particularly more emotional. That's why I couldn't refuse."  
  
"Speaking of. You still didn't tell me  _why_ you were so emotional that day? What happend?"

...  
...  
....

"Tetsurōu? If it makes you uncomfortable, you don't have to tell me."

"No. Not that. It's about....... Kenma."

"So I was right. Did you get rejected?"

"What!? No. But how do you know I....."

" 'I' what Tetsu? Why can't you phrase the rest?"

Kuroo is silent. Isn't replying. Why can't he thought?

"Did you even tried to face it? Did you made  _any_  effort to get what you want?  
Okay let's forget that, first tell me do you at least know what you want? How desperately you want that? You have that self realization, right?"

Kuroo is, yet again, silent.

What should he say? He does know that he loves Kenma. But to be honest he was so scared to admit that, that he never thought about confornting himself with these kinds of questions. All he thinking about was, how to avoid facing it and how can he run away from it.  
Now that he thinks about it.............

' _Wow I really am all those example of how not to be an adult. Or any functional human being in this matter.'_

"No. I don't have the realization."  
Kuroo said defeated.

"I can't believe you. And here I thought you will eventually realize everything and get your shit together. If I knew you are this dumb I would've interfere a long time ago."

"A long time ago? How long do you even know about it? Is it really that obvious?"

"How long? IDK, let me think. Maybe from the first time I've seen you two together? Cause, yes, it's that obvious you dumb fuck.

Tetsu, I really am dissapointed. When I saw you with Hanayo I thought, you've already confess to Kenma and got rejected, then decided to move on. I've never imagined that you would be this coward and run away from your true feelings. Not to mention falling into this garbage while doing so."

"Yes. You're absolutely right. I really am a coward and dumbass. I- I shouldn't have done this. Should've face everything like a normal person. I-"

Kuroo let's out a deep sigh. His voice is cracking. And let's his head fall forward. Uff! So many regrets.......

Tooru close the distance between them and comes closer to him. Puts a hand on his back in a comforting gesture. Rubbing small circles to sooth him.

"It's okay. I'm sorry. I shouldn't have reacted so harshly. What is done, is done. We can't change past but can fix the present situation, right? "

"Yeah."

"You okay? Take some time if you want. "

* * *

 

"Yes, I'm okay now. We can continue."

 

"Okay, so back to what you were saying. The drink."

"Yes the drink. I was about to call one of you, when she suddenly appeared and offered me a drink. And I took it and finish it?............No wait. No I can't tell. Did I finish?- No. No... I might have taken a sip or two. I didn't finish the drink though. At least not that I remember.  
Even though I was functionally drunk, can only one or two sip make me  ** _that_**  wasted?"

"Only if, that was more than alcohol........... Hey, as we cannot just assume, we should go and take some test to confirm?"

"Confirm what? Does my system contain drug or not? And if it really does, do you think they'll let me get away with it? They will call police on me, you empty toothpaste tube."

"I can call nee-Chan. Her friend is a medical officer. She can help."

  
"But Tooru it'll be little risky for nee-Chan's friend. She can loose her licence for this. I don't want that. And moreover even if we somehow find out that I was drugged, where is the prove that  _she_  was the one who actually gave me the drink?

There's no eye witness. I can't talk for myself cause I was already drunk at that point. They will not count my statement.  **And**  we can't even prove that someone  **else**  has drugged me either. They straight up will assume it was I, who took that shit on their my and then proceeded to rape a girl. On top of that she has that  **CD**."

And well thinking back to it Kuroo is right. They can not prove shit.

"But she took you in  _her_  place. If you were really that drunk and was touching people obnoxiously then why did she took you home? She could've call someone else for help or couldn't care at all for you. But no, she took you to  _her_   _home_.  
That is something worth considering. Wouldn't they understand?"

"There's a difference between understanding and establishing. You can understand a lots of thing but, if you don't have the prove, you can not call it, the truth."

An undeniable reality. It's so true that it is making them angry.

"Urgh! THEN WHAT? BACK TO THE FIRST PLAN. KILL THE BITCH."

Even in this situation Kuroo can't help but laugh. Tooru is ridiculous.

  
"Also, I need to tell you something else."

"What?"

"You know we had that get together that day?"

"Yeah?"

"Well I had to sleep over at Akaashi and Tsukishima's, cause I forgot to take my house key and lock myself out."

"Bravo."  
Tooru says with a sarcastic monotone voice.

"Shut up. So, Akaashi asked me to sleep over and I went with it. But was kinda regretting cause Tsukishima was drunk and was clingy towards Akaashi."

"Wow. What's happening these days. Those people who are supposed to stay sober, are getting wasted and doing all sorts of things."

"IKR. Whatever. When we get to the apartment Tsukishima suddenly burst at me.

He couldn't phrase it properly but he was saying something about cheating on Kenma and hurting him. And I should apologize?  
But I wasn't sure did he really mean everything or was just rumbling. And if he wasn't rumbling I needed to know more about it.  
So I wait till the morning. In the morning he did told me that, he meant everything he said but refused to tell anything beyond that. As it's not his story to tell but Kenma's."

"Well understable. He's just trying to be a good friend."

"Yeah I know. He also told me to use my own brain."

"Which you rarely do this days."

"Why you-."

"Also please don't tell me you didn't actually get what he said."

".........."

"Tetsurōu! Are you serious!? A person can't be  ** _this_**  dense, even if they try to."

"I'm sorry, okay! I just can't think straight! I know, I know I should get what Tsukishima was talking about, but I just can't Tooru! That's why I need you."

"Honestly at this point, I think you are purposefully trying not to think about it. So that you won't hit with the unexpected truth."

"I'm no-"

"Tetsurōu. Please. For the love of common sense, how can you  _not_  get it?

Other than you, Tsukishima is the person who is really close with Kenma. He must have seen something that no one else has seen. And as I mention you should've also saw those things. But you didn't. And now everything is a mess because of that.  
Why can't you understand that Kenma obviously loves you.  **Romantically**  "

There it is. Finally! The Pandora's Box is open now. Well someone has to do it. Thanks to Tooru who doesn't hesitate at all. It's all in front of his face. No more hide and seek. It's already pharsed out.

Well Tōru really does judgment to his name. He does  ** _Go Through_**  everything.

 

And even though everything, that he deep down knew was true, is in front of him, he still can't help but decline it.

Afraid. Yes that's what he is. Or coward.

  
"No."

"What?"

"Don't give me false hope."

"What!?"

"Kenma. He doesn't love me in that way."

At this point Tooru doesn't even know how to respond. Is he being serious? Is he trolling him or something?  
Otherwise how can you _not_  see the obvious? It's like not seeing the earth is round.

 ~~Oh, no wait. Wrong example. Those damn flat earther~~.

  
".........You. You're doing this purposefully, right? You're trolling me."

"What? No! Why would I?"

"Okay, then who are you? Give me my friend back. He sometimes can be a little dumb. But never **_this_**  bad. Where is he?"

"Oh stop it."

"You're the one who should stop. FFS. Why can't you see the obvious? Do I have to break every single thing down? Will that help?"

"I don't understand. What is even there to break down?"

"Your head apparently."

"Wow."

"Shut up. I really am " _this_ " close to killing you."

Tooru huffs. It's even harder than teaching 4/5 years old. Cause, you know he's trying to dig through his friend's thick skull, which is apparently denser than the earth's radius.

"Listen up you dildo."

"Wow!"

"Shut up. Don't interrupt.  
Why on earth else do you think Tsukishima would say, you have cheated on Kenma? It's not like you can't have a "girlfriend", when you have a best friend. He must have seen that Kenma looked at you in a different way and you also have treated him differently, which you one hundred percent did, that's why he said you cheated on him."

"But-"

"I'm not finished. And have you not realized that Kenma is out of the city for a oddly long time? In the middle of a semester not less. And that is _right after_ you introduce your "girlfriend" to him. You still think everything is okay? There's nothing odd to it?"

  
Tooru is seriously going to kick him in the balls, if he says **It's nOT tRuE**  one more time.  
But thankfully he doesn't this time. He is thinking hard. And honestly Tooru doesn't understand what is there to think about? Everything is right here, in front of him.

Kuroo speaks in a really small voice. Regret is clear in his voice.

"What do I do then? If it's really true then he probably hates me. And how do I get out of this Hanayo situation? Oh God."

"Okay first of stop assuming things like, he hates you. Cause the last time you assumed something about him was wrong and drag you into this mess."

Kuroo doesn't say much but seems to note it mentally.

  
"Although I would say, he could be mad at you. Cause you know, he _has_  feelings for you. And might have thought it was mutual, because he's not an idiot. He most probably noticed that you treated him more affectionately or some shit? And then all of a sudden you just show up with "Girlfriend". And shoved it on the poor kids face. So yeah, he's most probably heart broken than anything else."

Kuroo just let's all this sunk in. The more he absorb the information the more clearly he can see the complete picture. It all makes sense now.

That day, when he introduced Hanayo to him, all those unknown expressions on Kenma's face is now making sense.

Kuroo's eyes starts to burn. _Now_  he can clearly see the pain in Kenma's eyes.  
Warm water starts to roll down his cheeks.  
This time Tooru doesn't say anything, just sit beside him with silence. And let's him cry.

 

 


	9. Spring Day

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry that I had to edit this chapter after posting. But I really wanted to add lyrics from one of my favorite song of all time "Spring day" by BTS.  
> I don't know but this chapter potentially be the last chapter so I didn't want have any regrets, so I added the song lyrics.  
> I'm not physically doing well. If I'm alive I'll definitely write more.
> 
> Also I'll suggest you to listen to "Spring Day" by BTS while reading this.

The next morning Tooru goes back home. But before going he and Kuroo talk about what to do with that CD. And comes up with some ideas. Well at least 1 debateably decent idea. Which they'll try to execute within this week.

After Tooru leaves, Kuroo tries to call Kenma. But couldn't reach him. Every time it is out of reach. So he opted for the next possible option.  
Kenma's mom.

  
"Moshi moshi?"

"Moshi moshi. Kozume-San?"

"Yes. Kuroo-Chan?"

She was surprised a little bit. And it's fair. It's not everyday that Kuroo calls her.

"Yes. How are you?"

"I'm well. How are you doing?"

"I'm okay."

"So why have you call? Is there anything specific or....."

Kuroo can be wrong, but he can swear that there's some anger and hatred in her voice? A very little hint. It's almost unrecognizable, but Kuroo knows her for a long time so he can tell. Kenma basically got this kind of his personality from his mother, the passive aggressiveness. 

Judging by her voice, she probably already knows about everything. Kenma must have told her.  
And honestly he can't blame her for hating him. Cause which parent wouldn't?

  
"Yes there's a specific reason."

"May I know what is it?"

"Kenma."

"As expected."

Kuroo can hear her sighing.

"Sorry?"

"Nothing. Carry on. What about him?"

"How is he?"

Kuroo can't help the trembling in his voice. Just thinking about Kenma and what misery he's being putting up with for more than a month. All because of him.

"What is your voice trembling for Kuroo-Chan? Have you finally realized what you have done to him?"

Now the sadness and agony is clear in her voice.

"Kozmu-San I-"

"I'm not blaming you. It's your life. You're free to choose who you want to be with. You're not bound to reciprocate someone's feeling. But you shouldn't have create an illusion in front of him. You shouldn't have care for him _**that**_  dearly, if you are going to leave him in the end.  
I know you're a kind person and maybe you did all of it out of your kindness. But Kuroo-Chan in the end you have broken my child's heart."

Kozume-San is on verge of tears. Kuroo just can't. He's really done with himself.

"Kozume-San I really am sorry. I know a simple apology is not something that can make everything better. But there's a lots of miscommunication. And I need to talk to Kenma to sort them out. Can you _please_ give the phone to Kenma. I want to talk to him."

"I'm sorry, but I can't."

"Why not? Please Kozume-San **_please_** "

At this point Kuroo is literally begging.

"It's not upto me. Even if I wanted I still couldn't have helped you. I can't go against what Kenma wants. It's his wish to not to talk to you. I can't do anything. Sorry."

And with that she ends the call.

Kuroo knew that Kenma is really upset with him. But the fact that he doesn't even want to talk to him and that is by all means, is killing him inside.

For all these years of their friendship they've fought countless times. Even been into serious fight but never have they ever tried to avoid the other to this extent.

The only way is left for him is to go to Takayama.

But he cannot leave just yet. He needs to solve the situation at hand first. He hates it. He hates it so much.

He looks out of the window. winter is fully here. Even though it's not snowing heavily here there still snow flakes falling 

 

 

> _~Miss you_
> 
> _Saying this makes me miss you even more_  
>  _Miss you_  
>  _Even though I’m looking at your photo_  
>  _Time’s so cruel, I hate us_  
>  _Seeing each other for once is now so hard between us~_
> 
>  

All the memories of them begin together is suddenly in front of his eyes. And he realizes that he is missing more than just his 'crush'. He is missing his best friend. The person whom with he has share all those moments. Happy, sad, victory  or loose. Everything. 

He puts a hand on the glass of the window and looks outside. 

 

> _~Passing by the edge of the cold winter_  
>  _Until the days of spring_  
>  _Until the days of flower blossoms_  
>  _Please stay, please stay there a little longer~_

 

* * *

 

It's not easy for a mother to see her child in pain.  
She didn't wanted to come across rude towards Kuroo, cause honestly he's like her second child. But she's a human too.

She still remembers, after Kenma told her that he's coming home to visit, she was worried but at the same time was really happy. She prepared and made all the dishes that Kenma likes.

She was waiting for Kenma. But when she saw him, her heart broke into million pieces.  
Her already petite child was even more petite. He looked like he has loosen a lots of weight. Had dark circles under his eyes and ready to collapse.

She hugged him warmly and realized he was shaking. Suddenly he wasn't a grown up adult but a mere child for her. A scared child who wants love and support. Even though she didn't knew the reason behind it but she wanted to protect him at all costs. She was wondering what made Kenma looking like this. 

They didn't talk about what was going that day. She just wanted him to eat and rest properly.

After some days went by they finally talk. And it all made sence as to _why_ Kenma is like this. It wasn't simply a heart break. It's **Kuroo.** The person who shaped Kenma into the person he is now. He's always been there. **_Always._** Kenma didn't only loose his love but his whole world. 

And she saw her son cry.  
That made her realize 2 things. One, that Kenma is a really strong person, who has not once cried in front of her since he grow up. Two she couldn't stand seeing him cry. Her hole world was crumbling down. She was ready to do anything to stop those tears.  
Kenma isn't a child anymore, so giving him candy or toys won't stop him from crying. She wanted to give him what he wants but couldn't. It was out of her limitation. She felt so helpless.  
The only thing she could do was sitting there, holding her crying child close.

And that image is till in her mind. She _does not_  want Kenma to go through this again. She does not want Kuroo near him. As bad as it sounds, she could care less.  
And it's not like she's doing it because she wants, Kenma himself told her.

She wants nothing more than to see Kenma happy. And she knows, that happiness is Kuroo. So, she wouldn't keep them separate on her own.  
But she knows that the person who ones used to be the reason of his happiness is now the reason of his misery. So it's better this way.

* * *

  
"Kuroo-Chan?"

Kenma's head shoots up the moment he hears the name. He can hear his mom is talking over the phone. She's in the kitchen and he's in living room. One part of him wants to run upstairs so he won't hear anything, but the other part really wants to know what he has call for.

 

 

> "What is your voice trembling for Kuroo-Chan?"

His voice is trembling? Is he holding back tears? But why? What for?

 

 

> "Have you finally realized what you have done to him?"

Wait what is she doing!? She's not suppose to tell him.

 

 

> "I'm not blaming you. It's your life. You're free to choose who you want to be with. You're not bound to reciprocate someone's feeling. But you shouldn't have create an illusion in front of him. You shouldn't have care for him *that* dearly, if you are going to leave him in the end.  
>  I know you're a kind person and maybe you did all of it out of your kindness. But Kuroo-Chan in the end you have broken my child's heart."

He looks at his mom from where he is. She's trying to hold back tears. Sorrow is painted on her face. Now he is feeling terrible.  
Cause somehow he has managed to make his mom cry.

His mom is silent for a moment, probably hearing what Kuroo is saying.

 

 

> "I'm sorry, but I can't"

He hears his mom reply. He wonders if Kuroo is asking for him or not.

 

 

>   
>  "It's not upto me. Even if I wanted I still couldn't have helped you. I can't go against what Kenma wants. It's his wish to not to talk to you. I can't do anything. Sorry."

He sees his mom terminating the call.

' _So he **was**  asking for me after all'_ He thinks.

  
He walks upstairs in his room. Close the door behind him, crawls into the bed and sits next to the closed window. Puts his headphones on and plays one of his favorite song these days. 

 

 

>   
>  _~I  to exhale you in pain_  
>  _Like smoke, like white smoke_  
>  _I say that I’ll erase you_  
>  _But I can’t really let you go yet~_

 

It's fully winter now. And Takayama's beauty is something worth admiring. Especially in the winter. That is the reason why so many people comes to visit. But it's still peaceful and quiet here. Totally contrast of Tokyo, the heart of the country, urban monstrasity.

White. Everything is white outside. Covered in ice. Morepouring from the sky. It's beautiful. It's really is.  
Yet gives a bittersweet feel. Maybe it just human nature. Whenever it's raining or cold, they just want to be with someone. Someone to hold or be held by, to snuggle into, overall the company of the love ones.

Kenma's vision is getting blurry. His cheeks are wet. He didn't realize some drops have already escaped his eyes. He wipes at his face.  
It's been over month. It's surprising that there are still tears left in his eye. He wonders how long it's gonna take to go back to "normal".

 

 

>  ~ _Yes I hate you, you left me_  
>  _But I never stopped thinking about you, not even a day_  
>  _Honestly I miss you, but I’ll erase you_  
>  _'Cause it hurts less than to blame you~_

 


	10. Salvation

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry I didn't proof read. Cause I'm too excited to do so. I'm apologizing advancely for the mistakes.

It surely wasn't an easy task to hack Hanayo's PC. And it was even harder for Oikawa to actually convince Kuroo to do so.  
He still can't understand how that shit head still can say  
" **It'S nOT fAiR. It's InNVaTioN Of PrAivaCY** "

' _Innovation of privacy my ass_ ' he thinks.  
What kind of moron still gives a fuck about it, after all the things had happened.

Also Kuroo will go to that snake's den with the snake itself. But it's when she is intoxicated. So that he can search for the original or other copies of the video and terminate them. And it's not that hard to find her wasted anyway.

For the past month or so she has taken so much money from him and not to mention the other petty things.  
So yeah it needs to end. He is just waiting for her to call him.

_______________________________

Couple of days went by and the call comes.

"Mo-"

"Heyyyyyyyyyyyy bby. How ya doin."

Kuroo hears her giggling. Already drunk. Sigh.

"What did you called for? And don't even try to bullshit about you being my gf. Just get to the point."

"Wow, shoo rude. Okay then, come join me and then drive me hooommme."

"Just tell me the address."

After getting the location he sent a text to Tooru that he's going to her.

* * *

 

  
He did take his time to go there, so that he wouldn't need to spend that much time there.  
At this point he knows very well that he's only needed for paying the bills and taking her back to her home. So he waited for a bit.

  
When he entered he immediately wanted to leave. It's practically an orgay. He's not even surprised at this point. But that doesn't stop him from getting disgusted.

He's not saying that he didn't saw his friends making out or didn't walk into them when they were having sex. But even after all this, _this_  is something so different. It's not young adults looking for someone to have sex, it's disgusting cause even middle aged people grinding on a 19 years, and using money to do so. Basically borderline prostitution.

He sighs and tries to look for Hanayo. Hoping that she's not sucking someone's face or........ Cause the last thing he wants is to fight with a random guy. He just wants to leave as soon as possible.

Luckily Hanayo isn't with anyone. She's on the bar counter, drinking .  
He walks up to her and calls her.

"You cameeeeee!" She exclaimes.

"Look! Look! I told you I won't leave without paying."  
She says to the bartender.

The guy looks annoyed, done with everything. He gives Kuroo the bill to pay, which is apparently so much that he wonders is it even possible for 1 person to chug that much alcohol. The drinks weren't even that expensive but the amount was ridiculous. How didn't she die from alcohol poisoning?

He doesn't say anything. Just pay the the bill and drugs her out. She is being whiny and clingy. Not endearing at all, purely annoying.  
The hole ride was a test for his patient limits. And dragging her out of the car to her place was another hassle. But he managed to do so.

She was already asleep by the time he took her in the room. He puts her on the bed and starts doing his intended work.

He won't lie, he's definitely feeling guilty about doing this. A person who let him in the house and sleeping knowing that he's here, and what he is doing? Going through her stuff and messing with it.

But honey, Karma's a bitch. You rip what you sow. All he is doing is trying to save his own ass. She has done enough to deserve at least this much. And he's not even harming her, he's erasing those blackmail material that will go against him.

Tooru has already taken care of the files that is in the PC and laptop.

He searches and finds what he is looking for. She is still sleeping. He broke the physical copy and formate the SD card. Also goes through the PC, laptop and even phone, to make sure everything's gone.

With everything done he leaves. Now he can breathe.

 

  
Hanayo wakes up the next morning. After going through her morning things she realize that he didn't ask for money when Kuroo came yesterday because she was drunk af.  
She picks up the phone and calls him.

"What now?"

"Didn't even say hello?"

"Don't think it's necessary."

"Okay whatever. I need money. About-"

  
"I don't need to know the amount."

"Are you gonna give the card then?"

"Nice joke. But I'm not in the mood of chatting and joking around with you."

"Neither do I. So give me what I'm asking for."

"And why should I?"

"You damn know too well why should you." She's gritting her tooths.

"Umm. No I don't. Try giving me one?"

"Kuroo! Do want me to use that fucking CD!?"

"What CD? I don't know what you're talking about?"

"You BASTERD. REMEMBER YOU'VE ASKED FOR THIS."

And she cuts the line. And strom back to her room. Searches for the physical copy of the CD but couldn't find it anywhere. So she turn on the PC. The file isn't there anymore. Nowhere. Not even in her laptop. She is devastated. Can kill _anyone_. Her head is boiling and she starts to feeling sick. Immediately run to the toilet and vomit.

Deja Vu?

__

* * *

 

Kuroo is smiling ear to ear. He can't help it. He's been through a lot. The only thing in his mind right now is to go Takayama.

He really has delayed the **one**  thing he needed to do. He'll go on his knees and beg for forgiveness from Kozume-San and of course Kenma.

He doesn't know if Kenma still loves him or not, but he of course will say the things he needed to say. The true feelings.

 

* * *

* * *

Well he didn't wanted to take anymore time. So he hoped on the train the same day. It's a long journey but he can care less. 

And it's not too bad of a journey either. Watching the beautiful scenery and little little naps inbetween. Also leaving Tokyo's urban life behind and getting closer to Japan's beautiful winter, is something desirable.  
And above anything, he can see Kenma again.

  
And the train stops at the station. Although the journey wasn't bad, he certainly wanted it to end as soon as possible. He just cannot wait. But now he needs to take a bus ride.  
It's only 5:30 pm but getting dark outside.  
He takes the bus and checking the location again. He knows where they live but the exact house will be hard to find. And here it's snowing significantly more than Tokyo. Temperature is also a lot lower.

The bus reaches the stop. It was just 20 minutes ride. Now he needs to find the house.  
Turns out it is really easy to find someone's house if you are outside of the city.

  
He's in front of the house. It's a two story house. A very traditional Japanese style. Pretty sweet. Nor too big, neither too small.  
He takes couples of large breath before knocking the door. Sound of soft padding on the wooden floor can be heard from outside. And the door opens.

"Kuroo-Chan!?"

Clearly Kozume-San wasn't expecting Kuroo to see on her door out of the blue. We can you blame her? They live 307km apart. And not to mention the transportation isn't that good from here to Tokyo. And on top of that it's winter. So yeah, you can say she's a little surprised.

Kuroo rubs the back of his head. Feeling kinda embarrassed. Cause he didn't ask for permission beforehand, let alone permission, he didn't even inform any of them. But he was afraid that they will not allow. So..... Yeah, he's _now_  embarrassed,  
**after**  all the way getting here .

"Yes. Can I come in?"  
Kuroo asks sheepisly. Unsure of whether she will let him in or not.  
And honestly the darker it's getting the more colder it's getting. He's fucked if he's not allowed.

Kozume-San seems to getting over her shock.

"Yes, yes of course."

Well that's a relief. She surely is upset over this hole situation but she couldn't just shoo Kuroo away. She does love him. And not to mention he has traveled all the way to here, in this cold.

  
She leds him to the living room.

"I didn't think you'll come here."

"I had to. I've done so many wrong things. I needed to redeem myself."

"I don't think it's a wrong thing if you can't love someone back."

"No! No Kozmu-San. That's the problem. It's not what you and Kenma think is the truth. And I totally know it's my fault for not telling the truth."

She seems to confused.

"What?"

"Umm, can I talk to Kenma first about this? I really want to talk to him. He really has been going through a lot, only because of me. Can I?"

"Well Kenma didn't say anything about not wanting to meet so I don't see why not?"

Kuroo smiles.

"His room is on the second floor."

"Thank you!"

Kuroo says like a over enthusiast child and run towards the stairs. And stops, tries to tiptoe over there so that he can surprise Kenma.  
Well give that their situation is shitty and he probably shouldn't try and " _ **sRpRiSE**_ ", he couldn't help it.  
He wants to tiptoe in Kenma's room and bursts the door open, so that Kenma would jump 1 feet in the air. Just like when they were young.

He does tiptoes there. Wait for a moment and **bAmMmM**!  ............................

"......."

"......."

"...."

"...."

".."

".."

  
**DASHI RUN! RUN! RUN!**

He runs back to the living room. That was not he was expecting.

* * *

* * *

 

Fixed or not Kenma needs to get back to Tokyo. It's been a month and a half. And finals are nearing. He has already troubled his friends enough.  
So now he is preparing for leaving..... mentally.

  
He is thinking about all that and trying to dry his his hair with the towel. And contemplating whether he should put on normal clothes or PJs. When suddenly the door burst open.  
And who he sees on the door? A bedheaded lamppost.

By the way he is butt naked. Yes, it's winter snowing havely and he's butt naked, totally makes sense. So..............

There's an awkward silence. He sees Kuroo's hole face, ears and neck turn into a deep shade of red. He's probably also mirroring the same expression judging by the temperature rising in his face.

He sees Kuroo sprinting away from his vision. The door still open. He hurriedly closes the door. And tries to put on clothes with shaky hands. He's dying from shame.  
It doesn't matter how close Kuroo and he is, he has never been totally naked in front of him.

"Why didn't he knocked?!? Also he's here!"

Kenma can't decide what to feel first? He just got 2 shock at once.  
KUROO IS HERE!  
Also he saw him naked...........

  
He takes some time to compose himself and heads to the living room as well.

  
"What happened? Why aren't you telling anything? Did Kenma reacted badly?"

He can hear his mom talking.

"No."

"Then? Your face is red Kuroo-Chan, and you're sweating. He must have said something negative."

  
"I didn't."

He sees Kuroo jumping from his spot. Karma.

"Really? But he run from there though?"

"Because he's an idiot."

Kenma side eyes him.

"I'm sorry."  
Kuroo says in a small voice and Kenma bites back a smile.

He still doesn't know why Kuroo is here. But he's just happy to see him. Suddenly he doesn't even feel any anger or any kind of negative feelings towards Kuroo anymore.

He can't believe it, the person who made him cry continuesly for almost two months is now in front of him and he's not even feeling 1 ounch of hatred towards him. He's really stupidly in love.

..............Speaking of love. Kuroo's girlfriend.........

Suddenly Kenma's face fall. Kuroo must've notices, cause he comes to Kenma and speaks.

"I want talk to you about something. It's important. Can I?"

Kenma doesn't reply instead he turns to his mom and tells her

"We'll be going to my room."

"Okay." His mom says.

With that he turns and walks with Kuroo trailing right behind him.

 

* * *

* * *

* * *

 

"Aren't you gonna take the opportunity Hanayo? It's too good of a chance to let go, don't you think so?"

"What the fuck do you take me for huh? I'm not a dumb bitch who will let this go to waste."

"Then why haven't you tell him yet?"

"Maybe cause I've a brain that's why? 'Think before speak' never heard of it? I wanna wait for at least 2 or 3 months before telling. So that it can grow, so that he'll feel something towards it.

* * *

* * *

* * *

 

 

 

 


	11. Communication

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Proof reader: Araashi .

The atmosphere is a little bit awkward.  
Kuroo is sitting on a table chair and Kenma is on his bed. Both of them are still uneasy about what has happened. Not the Hanayo one but the seeing Kenma naked one. Yep that's what matters. ~~_(Slowly_ _cl_ _aps)_~~

 

Kenma breakes the silence and speaks...................... Well at least tries, because Kuroo also speaks at the same time.

"So what did you come here for?"

"Why are you wearing a PJ bottom and hoodie?"

"What?"

"What?"

Kenma tries his best to not to face-palm. And once again two things hit him at once.

One - he's a moron, he doesn't even realize he has chosen two different things from two different sets. Two - why have all sorts of nonsense incidents  
happened since Kuroo has come?

"It was on purpose. I'm half ready to go to bed."

"It's 6 pm."

"And?"

Kuroo narrows his eyes.

"It wasn't on purpose."

"It was."

"It wasn't."

"It was."

"........It wasn't."

"It was."

".........."

"........"

"........"

"What do you want!?"

"You panicked and picked the wrong clothes didn't you?"

Kuroo is now wearing one of his annoying cheeky smile. Kenma's face heats up again. He wants to punch Kuroo so bad.

"No shit, Einstein. What do you expect? You almost broke the door and entered without asking when I was changing."

"Not my fault that you didn't lock the door while changing. Why wouldn't you lock your door?"

"Because normally there isn't a wild cat running around the house."

"Did you just symb-"

"Shut up, I didn't."

"You did."

"Come on, we are not doing this again."

Kenma says, whining. Kuroo smiles a little and nods.  
He really missed all of this. This playful teasing, each others company. Everything. But there's a **lot**  to go through now.

This time it's Kuroo who starts the conversation. Not straight into the main point but he really does want to know how Kenma has been doing.

  
"How...... how have you been these past days?"

Kuroo asks sheepisly. And also guiltfully. Although Kenma looks normal from outside, he just _knows_  that he isn't alright. The aura is different.

"Fine."

Kenma says mellowly. His tone doesn't match his expression.

"No, you're not. I can tell."

"Don't put words in my mouth. It's _**I**_ who know how I'm feeling."

  
"That's why I'm asking you. Tell me please,"  
"Kenma, I came all the way to here so that we can talk. Don't hide anything please. Everything, _anything_. You can tell me whatever you want. Even if it's something negative about me. I deserve it Kenma. Just don't hide."

Kenma looks at him. Wearing a poker face. Tries to talk but suddenly crumbles.  
His pocker is face shattering, lips are turning into a pout and wobbling. A few drops of tears escape his eyes. He tries to hide his face but Kuroo is already there, on his knees, holding his face. He wipes out the tears.

Enough tears have already escaped, when he wasn't there to wipe them. He doesn't want any more to fall.  
Kenma starts to cry even harder. And oh God Kuroo wants to beat himself for making Kenma cry like this. It hurts so much seeing him cry like this. He has never seen Kenma cry like this. He's never been this vulnerable. And that just further implies how much painful it is for him.

He gets up and sits next to him. Wraps his arms around him and scoots him closer to his chest. Kenma is still and stiff for a moment but he eventually reciprocates the embrace.  
Kuroo has one hand around Kenma's back going up and down in a soothing manner and another hand patting his head. The younger one nuzzles into him even further.

They have adopted these kinds of comforting manner over the past couple of years. Actually _**these**_  actions are the one that show they are more than friends or best friends. Suddenly Kenma remembers that and rises his head from Kuroo's chest and tries to escape from the embrace. Kuroo notices that but doesn't force him to stay. Lets him do what he wants.

"What happened?" He asks.

Kenma looks at him through lashes.  
"Please stop comforting me like this, I don't want this euphoric feeling. It's all lies anyway."

"Kenma it's not. I'm-"

"You're my best friend, I know. But Kuroo, I don't want us to be only best friends. You probably already know through my mom, or at least I'm assuming so. If not, well, now you know."  
He's not looking at him. He's looking down, eyes glued to the bed. Refusing to make eye contact.

"So do I." Kuroo says desperately.

Kenma finally looks at him. Surprised at what he has heard.

"What?"

"I said I want it too. To be more than friends. Kenma I-"

"Kuroo, you have a girlfriend." Kenma says coldly.

"I don't."

Upon hearing Kenma furrows his eyebrows.

"You guys broke up?"

"We didn't need to. Well, you can see I finally broke through the hell."

"I don't get it."

"You will, after I explain. It's a lot to tell. So give me time okay?"

"Okay."

  
Kuroo starts telling everything. From the beginning to end. About Hanayo's trap, Tukishima's outburst and Tooru's help. And along the way he sees various emotions displaying on Kenma's face, shifting like iridescent.  
When he finishes, Kenma looks torn among feeling relieved, angry, happy and sad. He's quiet for a moment, processing all the information and thinking what to say.

"So, you........ Wait. You're. ........... You're stupid."

"Yes, people have been reminding me that for quite a few times, these past few days." Kuroo says bitterly.

"They are not wrong for certain. I mean I thought I was pretty obvious about showing that in fact I thought of you more than a friend. How didn't you pick up on that? You always notice anything related to me immediately. And even if you didn't, you should've at least tried to let me know about your feelings instead of running away. Just like I was going to."

"You were what?"

"I was going to tell you that I......... Actually that day when you called me to meet at the cafe, I was just planning on telling you. But before I could.... "  
The pained expression returns on Kenma face. Kuroo is alert again, ready to comfort him just in case he cries again. But he doesn't this time. Waiting for Kuroo to speak up.

"I know, I know. I'm sorry. I really am. Even though I knew something was off, I still couldn't catch it. I was truly blinded by my fear, Kitten."

Ah, there it is. One of Kenma's weaknesses is when Kuroo uses these pet names. And no, the pun was not intended. Neither the symbolism.

"Well, no point in talking about the past. But shouldn't we do something about her? Will you let her go away with what she has done?"

"I want to pay her back for what she has done, as much as you want. But I can't take any legal actions. As I said Tooru and I were thinking about it, but I don't have any proof. So............. And Kenma I'm just happy that she is finally gone. And will not enter my life anymore."

"So am I. But...."

"Didn't you just say that there is no point in talking about the past? Then why are you bringing her up again?"

"Yes I said so, but some things are not same Kuroo. And from what you said she seems to do this kinds of things quite often."

"That is true. But as I said there's no proof. And we should not focus on her. She has already taken a lots of time from us, which she doesn't deserve. Let's not give her any more time or attention. We should focus on ourselves, don't you think?"

Something about the last sentence, makes Kenma almost jump. Maybe the tone or the meaning behind it. Whatever it is Kenma looks away from Kuroo. Looking through the window. Trying to compose himself. But doesn't let him take the time.

"Kenma, why are you looking away?"

Kuroo says. Even without looking, Kenma can _hear_  the sly smile in Kuroo's voice. That slick motherf-

"Am not."

"Yes you are. You clearly aren't looking my way."

"That's cause I'm watching the snow fall."

"Ah."

Kuroo also looks through the window. Even though it's night, the light illuminating from the house making a beautiful picture of snow falling. Takayama really is beautiful.

~ **Knock knock** ~

"Come in."  
Kenma calls and his mother comes out.

"Dinner is ready boys. Come downstairs. And Kuroo-Chan you should change."

"I think I'll take a shower after dinner?"

"It's okay then."

"Okaa-san, you're already serving dinner, what about Otto-San?"

"Oh, you haven't noticed? He's already home."

"When did he come?" Kuroo also seems to have not noticed.

"I think you two were too concentrated on the topic at hand."

"Probably." says Kenma.

"But Kozume-San I didn't tell you about what happened. I think you need an explanation too."

She seems a little flustered at that.

"I apologize. But when I came upstairs to call you guys I kinda overheard your conversation? I'm really sorry, I didn't mean to but I couldn't help it."

"Okaa-San?!"  
Kenma seems surprise and little bit angry. Only a little.

"I'm sorry Kenma-Chan. I know I shouldn't have."

Kuroo laughs a little. Well it's a good thing that she overheard. At least now he wouldn't need to explain some uncomfortable stuff face to face.

"It's okay. It's for the good actually. I don't need to explain this anymore. Umm does his father also....."

"No. No he doesn't know about anything. He's just happy that Kenma is here."

Kuroo sighs in relief. He really doesn't want Kenma's father to know about it. He can be _**really**_  protective over his only child sometimes. There's a possibility of his ass getting kicked out, even after the explanation. He might be even prohibited from contacting Kenma anymore. And that's the last thing he wants. So it's a good thing he doesn't know.

Kenma's mother chuckles at that. Kenma is also smirking. Both of them know about Kuroo's fear.

"Okay come on then. It's really cold. You don't want to eat cold food in this weather now do you? "  
With that she leaves. And Kuroo drags Kenma behind him. He's eager to eat but as usual Kenma isn't.

* * *

 

The atmosphere in the table isn't as bad as he thought it would be. Kenma's father seems to be in a good mood. They're eating pretty quietly and talking occasionally.

"So Kuroo-Kun, have you come here just to pick Kenma up from here back to Tokyo?"

Kuroo freezes for a second.

"Ah, actually I invited him." Kenma's mother answers instead of Kuroo. Seeing, the poor child is already terrified.

"Really? But you didn't tell me about it though."

"You see what happened, I kinda miscalculated the date? I thought he's wasn't coming today."

Kuroo notices that she's not entirely lying. Rather It's almost the truth. He wouldn't have come if Kozume-San actually let him talk to Kenma, so there is the part of her inviting Kuroo and she certainly didn't expect Kuroo to show up today.  
She really is Kenma's mother, huh.

"Oh that's why. But why did you invite him all of sudden? Not that I'm complaining but he has to come from Tokyo. It's really far you know."

"Oho I know. But I thought he should at least come visit Takayama when we are still here. We're going to move from here really soon. Kenma is here, it's winter in Takayama, so I thought it would be a perfect time."

"Well, you are not wrong......."

"Wait. You guys are moving out again?" Kenma asks, surprised. It's a new information for him also.

"We are planning to, Kenma. I was out of the house today for this purpose."

"Why didn't you guys tell me?"  
Kenma is now pouting slightly. And Kuroo is looking back and forth among Kenma and his parents, wondering what's happening.

"Oo Kenma-Chan, we didn't tell you because we have just started thinking about it. Nothing is decided yet."

"Still."

"Sorry my child/aka-chan"  
His parents says at the same time. And all of them chuckle.

The rest of the dinner went without any more heavy conversation. They finish and Kuroo and Kenma try to help with the dishes but get rejected. Kuroo is told to take a bath and Kenma is forbidden from doing so because he catches cold easily. Instead, Kenma's father helps his mother. It's kinda sweet, Kuroo thinks. And can't help but think about him and Kenma being like this. Sappy. He really is cheesy.

  
Now it's time for bed. And of course there is a problem. Well Kuroo didn't expect that there would be a room for him, it's too much to ask. But he should've also known better than expecting a futon for himself.  
Apparently Kenma's family is always on move these days, so they carry as less things as possible. They already have to provide Kenma with a room. And therefore they don't have any extra futon.  
So...................  
Yeah, he needs to share a bed with Kenma. Which would be totally fine, hell they've shared bed or futon countless times. Be that the time of sleeping over or at the training camp. But _now_  it's different.  
It's different because, now they know about each others feeling. It's all out in the open. They have confessed to each other indirectl-

........  
...........  
..............

Kuroo wants to face-palm now. It's still indirect. Neither Kenma nor him have confessed properly. Nothing is official.

He is drying his hair in front of the mirror and Kenma is preparing for bed. It's still early, only 8:46 but they are ready to go to bed. Well part of that is because they need to get up early, in order to visit some of the places. Kuroo didn't plan on it but he's staying tomorrow and the next day he'll go back to Tokyo, with Kenma of course. It'll be a crime, not to visit this beautiful place when given the chance.

He is contemplating whether to not confess now or wait for tomorrow. Yes they both know about it but still. You need to say it out loud. Last time they didn't and a lots of things have happened. So one of them needs to. And he knows he wants to do it. But, now or tomorrow? They are going to go to a lot of beautiful places tomorrow. He wants to do it [( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) ] with a beautiful background. He is thinking about all that when he feels someone swatting his hand and taking the hair dryer. He looks at the source and it's Kenma.

"What?" He asks.

"What what? If you are trying to be bald you can just shave your hair. Why are you trying to do it by over heating your hair?"

And suddenly he realizes that his head in fact is over heated. His face is red too.

"I didn't realize."

Kenma turns off the dryer and puts it on the table.

"What were you thinking about so intensely? Usually you think like this when you're on the ground. Are you going to play any games anytime soon?"  
*( (͠≖ ͜ʖ͠≖) . ~~I'm sorry I'll just stop~~ )*

  
"What? No not that. I was thinking about p-........"

"P?"

"Pfff. Nothing. Let's go to sleep. We need to wake up early tomorrow, right?"

Kuroo drags Kenma by hand and towards the bed. The bed is not even queen size. So there's no room for partition. They have to sleep normally without any drama. Kuroo takes the right side and Kenma takes the left side. And oh they are also sharing the same blanket. It's really really cold actually. So Kenma can't help but snuggle into him. It's getting hard [(͠≖ ͜ʖ͠≖) ~~it's the last time I promise~~ ]  for him. But he wouldn't complain about it in a million years.

Kenma is already dozing off. Seems like he didn't sleep well recently. So didn't Kuroo.

"G'night." Kenma says sleeply.

"Good night."

Kuroo also drifts into sleep right after Kenma. It turns out to be a really good night's sleep for them, after a long time.

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ahh finally. It took me longer than expected. Actually I've a quize today in uni, lol I didn't even study for it but pretended like I'm busy. Sorry for the late update. I think I'm gonna be inconsistent like this cause I'm a mess.  
> And thank you for reading, any comments will be appreciated.  
> Another thing, I was thinking about writing s-... smut. But I've never done it before and I'm kinda like really shy? IDK what to do.


	12. Silver Blue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay first of all 'Hida Takayama' is a real place in Japan. And all the information and places mentioned in this chapter are real.  
> I did my own little research about it and picked up the places I like. 
> 
> Please do consider that I'm not Japanese, neither I have been to the country. It's my first time researching about it. If I made any mistake I apologized. 
> 
> And secondly, its been 2 months! For 60 days I'm writing this fic. Wow. Never thought it would be this long. Thanks for reading and staying with me. I hope you'll be there till the end.
> 
> [Take a sip of water everytime there's 'Souvenir'. Stay hydrated kids]

There are a lot of places in Hida Takayama to visit. One day is nearly not enough for one to visit all the sites here. But Kuroo has no choice, and he didn't come here to visit the place anyway. He was running for his life up until yesterday.

Unlike Kenma, Kuroo doesn't have the luxury of skipping classes for a long time. So they have to go back soon.

Despite that they are planning on seeing 8 different sites. A lot. But not impossible.

They'll start off by going to the morning market. They'll be visiting the one which is located by the Miaygawa river. Which is also an advantage, cause the 2nd place on the list is 'Nakabashi Bridge', it's over Miaygawa river. The bridge is the most representative landmark of Takayama. So they can visit the bridge and market place at the same time.

* * *

It's 6 in the morning and they are all dressed up. Kenma's parents also gonna keep them company for the morning market tour. Apparently the market is not only for tourist attraction, people who live in Takayama also goes there for daily necessity, who would've guessed.

All of them are well dressed to fight the cold weather.

The market place is not open yet. It's going to open at 6:30. So they goes to visit the Bridge. It's a good morning walk for them. Everything is covered in snow. Yet it's breath-takingly beautiful. The bridge worth the title of the most representative landmark of Takayama. 

They walks around the bridge, observing it's beauty while snow is falling lightly. Kuroo and Kenma are holding hands and Kenma's parents are also holding hands. It's kinda magical, fairy tale like. They also takes some pictures.   
[ ~~I wanted to add some pictures. But I don't know how to do it. Someone draw a picture, I wanna see it π_π. JK JK. Sorry, I can't internet.]~~

After spending some time there, they headed to the market. It's open now.   
You can find all sorts of fresh vegetables and other farm products there. You can also find Takayama's local veggies which are hard to find outside of Takayama.

Kenma's parents buy those veggies and some meat for the dinner. In the meantime they buys some snacks to eat. Since it was too early when they left home and didn't get the chance to eat.

There's also souvenir shops that sells chop sticks and 'Sarbobo' dolls as souvenir. Although, Kenma and Kuroo have to visit a lots of places and it's only the beginning of the day, they still buys some souvenirs. Can't help it, they're beautiful.

It's 7:40 am and time for them to go for the next place. They say by to Kenma's parents and tells them that they'll meet at dinner time.

The next destination is the Hida Folk Village. It's a beautiful preservation of old time. They don't plan on spending much time in there. Try their best to see as much as they can in that short time, also *click click*.

* * *

And the next destination is the Old town. They can either take rickshaw or walk through the town. Even though they have a tight schedule, still don't want to take rickshaw. Wants to see those wonderful old architecture. But all the walking making Kenma tired. So Kuroo offers to carry him, to which Kenma respond by elbowing him in the belly. So he does not try any further. But they do stop for some coffee and some snacks at one of those café that are servicing for centuries. 

It's a small café, cozy and aesthetically pleasing. Fill with intoxicating aroma of coffee, sweets and cinnamon. Every typical aspect of a cafe is there, but it's just more beautiful than any other café they have seen so far. It feels like they are in the 19th century.

Also the experience is soooooo different from the last one they had. But none of them are seems like they are thinking about it. Too lost in the soothing silence, enjoying each others company quietly, and sipping from the cup.

They finishes their eating and leave to walk a little more around the town.

* * *

Around 10:30 they went to visit 'Matsuri No Mori', their most anticipated place, or at least Kuroo's. For Kuroo it is. Cause he missed the opportunity to attend the autumn festival and 'Matsuri No Mori' displays all the key elements of the festival. The name 'Matsuri No Mori' literally means 'Festival Forest'. It generally opens at 9:00 am.   
The main exhibition space is underground, which gives it a mysterious atmosphere.   
They've to walk through a long hall that leads to the exhibition. Along the hall there are some replicas of the festival floats as well as some folding screen on which you can see floats from some other festivals.

Kuroo looks at them with wide eyes and mouth hanging slightly open. They walk around and sees the colourful props. They also got to see some performance. Almost 2 and half hour later they finish their little tour there and decide that it is lunch time. So it's time to go to the Takayama city centre. It is their 6th destination.

There are tons of restaurant, café and souvenir shop in the mall. But instead of shopping they went for the lunch first. They need to seat down first. Have been walking a lot today and more to come. Shopping can be done after eating.

They order some local special to eat which was suggested by Kenma's parents. God bless them and their knowledge about this place. They were the one who suggested which place to visit today. Otherwise neither of them had any idea what to do in the short time.

They're waiting for their food to arrive and chit chatting about what to do next, what kind of souvenirs to buy for their friends and also for themselves as a memory. When  the idea of giving Kenma some kind of jewellery suddenly comes in Kuroo's mind. As a souvenir, that he'll wear often. Kuroo noted it.

  
Their food arrives. They eat eagerly. Even Kenma eats properly, seems like walking a lot made him hungry too. 

After paying they went to the souvenir shop. There's so much to choose from. They kept in mind the personality, likes and dislikes of the respective person, while buying the souvenir. Although they didn't intend to buy so many things, ends up buying a lot. They still have to go to 2 more places. Well too late now.

* * *

* * *

It is 3:35. A bit odd time to go to the temple. Their next destination. But who cares, they are short in time. And it's a good thing, since practically no one is here right now.

'Hida Kokubun-Ji' temple. This was Takayama's oldest temple. Built in 8th century, later destroyed and re built in 16th century.   
It's a nice quiet place with a great three story Pagoda. There's is an old Ginko tree. People say it is more than 1000 years old. That's fascinating.

They breaths in deeply. Inhaling the cold air. It's peaceful. In front of them is the temple.

"Kenma."

Kuroo calls. White smoke leaving his mouth. Red nose, red cheeks. From outside anyone would say it's due to the cold. But Kuroo knows what is going on in his head.

"Yes?" Kenma is now facing Kuroo. Waiting for answer.

"I think I still haven't tell you something that I needed to say yesterday."

"What is it?"

Kuroo glups. Even in this cold he is sweating.

"Kuroo?"

"I- ILoveYou willyougooutwithme?."

Kuroo says hurriedly. Fast. A little too fast. Thankfully Kenma still gets it.

But instead of answering Kenma laughs and Kuroo looks at him with fearful eyes and gulping.   
Kenma can't help it. Cause It is a bit ridiculous. Ridiculous the way Kuroo says it. He is so nervous, like Kenma already doesn't know about it. As if Kenma didn't spend the past two months crying over losing him. As if he'll reject him. Silly. But it's adorable.

On the contrary, despite knowing Kenma wouldn't reject him (Well if logically speaking) Kuroo still can't help the nervousness. It's precious, this moment, Kenma, everything is precious for him. And he doesn't want this to turn out bad.

All the butterflies in his stomach making him feel like he is floating. He's feeling a little lightheaded. And to make everything worse Kenma isn't answering, only laughing. Is he gonna rej-

  
"Is that even a question Kuroo? At this point no less."

Kuroo seems confused.   
[ ~~why are you confused my son.~~ ]  
Kenma laughs even more. Kuroo really is hopeless. This time Kenma answers. Not verbally at first.

He takes a few steps closer towards Kuroo. Stands on his tiptoes, puts his hands on Kuroo's shoulders, to which Kuroo's body subconsciously bends down and the two pair of lips meet each other. Both of their eyes closes instinctively.

It was a really soft, slow and short kiss. Just a peak. Those soft lips are just touching each other. Like they're getting to know each other for the first time.  
Both of their faces now painted in a lighter shade of red. Mimicking the sun and the sky behind them.

A temple and a thousand years old tree are in front of them. And they are embracing each other. Admitting their love for the first time, by vocalising and by action. They don't know what does that to the rest of the world or if it matters at all to them. But for them it certainly significant.

It's like vowing in front of the temple and admitting that their love is eternal. And keeping the thousand years old soul as their alibi. In a hope that it will stand there and announce their love for upcoming thousands of years.

Silly. It's silly. But isn't human mind is the most intellectual, yet dumbest thing ever?

 

Kuroo has one of his hand on Kenma's back and other one on his waist. Hugging him closely yet not too tightly. Like, he is afraid that he'll hurt him.   
Kenma pulls back but does not separate from Kuroo. Instead he turns his head slightly and whispers in Kuroo's ear.

"I love you too. And I _ **am**_ willing to go out with you.......Let's make the next place to visit our first little date?"

Kuroo shudders at the whispering. Face getting even redder. Kenma peel himself off of Kuroo's embrace, takes a few steps back and looks at Kuroo. Who is as red as a ripe tomato and looking at the snow beneath his foot. It's seems like they are teenage virgins, who are kissing for the first time. And Kuroo wouldn't lie, it definitely feels like that.

Kenma calls for him softly, just above whispering.

"Hey?"

"Hmm?"

Kuroo looks up, seems like he is out of the daze now.

"Shall we go?"

"We should. But before...."

Kuroo starts to rummage through the shopping bags. Seems like looking for something.

"What are you looking for?"

Kenma asks, looking at Kuroo curiously.   
Kuroo pulls out a gift, wrapped in a silver coloured warp and there's a blue ribbon on it. He hands it to Kenma. Kenma takes it carefully. Looking back and forth between the long slender gift box and Kuroo.

"Open it." Kuroo says with a smile.

The packaging is so beautiful that Kenma almost doesn't want to open it. But does it anyway.   
And it almost takes his breath away.   
There's a long silver chain and at the end of it theres a two part pendent. It's not a couple pendent.   
Rather there's a dark ocean blue, round background pendent and the other part, the front one is a sliver half crescent slender moon and a spikey silver star connecting the two end of the moon. There's also tiny tiny, 3 usual stars, between the star and the moon. All of them are silver and connected. The moon has white stone in it's body.

After looking at it for a minute Kenma looks at Kuroo with questionfull eyes. Kuroo smiles again.

"For you. Do you like it?"

"It's beautiful, how can I not? But it wasn't necessary."

"It is. I- I wanted to give you something, the first time I tell you about how I feel. As a memory......."

Kenma blushes and giggles. There's too many butterflies in his stomach. He couldn't be more happy.

  
"Can I put it on you?"

Ufffff. He is going to vomit  butterflies. What it is called again? The Hanahaki disease?

"Sure, why not."

Kuroo takes the pendent. Unlocks it, goes behind Kenma and puts it on him. Looks over Kenma's shoulder to see how it looks. Kenma also looks up him, smiling. Kuroo can't help but give a pick on his lips. He back hugs him. And nuzzles into Kenma's shoulder. Kenma puts his hand on top of Kuroo's head and pats him.

It might sound stupid, but putting a pendent on Kenma, in front of a temple, gives Kuroo a different kinds of feeling.   
Kenma also feel something within himself. A blessing short of. He is happy. They are happy.

"Hey, let's go. The sun is already going down. The museum isn't gonna be open for all night."

Kenma tries to shake Kuroo off of him.

"Uuuuu. Can't we just stay like this?" Kuroo whines.

"No we can't. We are gonna freeze. And  don't  you want to go to our first date?"

At that Kuroo quickly straighten up.

"Course I do."

He starts to drag Kenma by hand again.

"Wait." Kenma calls.

"We didn't bow to the temple. Let's pray and make a wish?"

"O yes, I almost forgot."

"Not almost, you totally did."

They both stood side by side, hands closes together and head slightly bowing down. They some time to make their wishes. And after finishing turns towards each other.

"What did you wish for?"   
Kuroo asks. Kenma shakes his head.

"What? Why can't you tell me?"

"You shouldn't say your wish out loud. It won't come true if you do."

"Bullshit."

"Language! We are still at the shrine."

"But it's ridiculous."

"Doesn't matter. Let's just go."

* * *

* * *

  
When they arrived at the museum it was 4:55 pm. Sun is already going down. And they're really cold. Need something hot to drink.   
Thankfully the museum has a café. But they decided to take a break halfway through. So they went for visiting. Hand in hand.   
They looks like a tourist couple. Holding bags in one hand and the other hand is busy holding the other's hand.   
Well they  _are_  tourists and now also  ** _couple_**.

The Hida Takayama museum of art's two must see is, art 'Nouveau' and art 'Deco'. It also has interior decorating lamps and furnitures.

They are half way through and needs a rest. So they go to the café. They order their drinks and desserts. Kenma orders apple pie and Kuroo churoos.

"Thanks for today."   
Kenma says normally. But for some reason it sounds like honey to Kuroo's ear. He's gone. Too lost in love. Beyond saving.

"I should be the one saying that. I know how much you hate going out. And in this cold no less."

"It's not like I did it only for you. Honestly I didn't see most of the places by my self. So I wanted to see them before going back."

"Really? But you have been here for almost 2 months though?"

"And your point?"

"Nevermind."

They finishes their eating. And also complete the rest of the visiting. It's almost 8 pm. And they need to head back, they'll be going back to Tokyo tomorrow.   
It's been a long day. But they wouldn't trade even a second of the day's moment for anything else.

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Uff I'm so mad. I don't know if any of you are facing the problem or not, but when I was uploading this chapter yesterday it was soooooo hard. For some reason AO3 wasn't working properly and I had to retry like 7-8 times. On top of that I couldn't make any edits on the chapter. I basically had to upload this chapter without editing. Sigh. I'll make the edit now. Well at least try. If you're reading this, that means I was successful editing this chapter. <3


	13. Holding hands and starting

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Is not proof read. So there will be mistakes. 
> 
> Also it's my first time writing any kind of intimate things. Please forgive me for the shitty writing.

Who would've known that staying 2 months in your parents house will make it so hard to leave them. Also it makes you spoiled. Cause now Kenma is suffering. Really hard.

Firstly it was too hard to leave. His mother's face........ The express on her face just broke his heart into tiny tiny pieces. She was 1 second away from crying, when they were bidding goodbyes.  
It's like moving out for the first time all over again. He himself was going to cry, when he was hugging his mom before leaving. His dad patted him on the head and gave him and Kuroo some sorts of motivational speech. Shortly after the bus arrived and they had to leave.

And now on top of missing his parents Kenma is struggling with the daily chores. He has kinda gotten use to be dependent on his parents, specially his on mom. So, now it's a pain in the ass to get up early in the morning on his own, cooking (boiling water and making ramen basically), doing the dishes, etc etc etc. Also despite of not being a foody person, he still misses the delicious food his mom used to make for him.

Speaking of mom's food, his mom has given Kuroo and him a lots of side dishes and pies. Which he is grateful for. Cause he was free from cooking for the past couple of days. But the foods are gone now and he *needs* to cook............ **Sigh**. And he's out of groceries. So grocery shopping comes first.  
Which isn't that big of a deal, but for some reason the minute he steps on the city he's been feeling tired constantly.  
First he thought it's from the long ass journey. But seems like it is something else.

Takayama in addition of being a beautiful city it is a **_really_** quite place, or at least his parents house was really quite and peaceful. Where Tokyo is anything but quiet.  
And as an introvert, Kenma gets charged from being alone or at least by being in a quite environment. Similarly, noises and crowds drain energy from him. And going out of the apartment into the real noisy world, ufff, just thinking about it making him tired.

Thankfully _thankfully_ , Kuroo, bless his soul, somehow came to visit him and offered him to go grocery shopping together. At least now he wouldn't be alone. Kuroo will distract him from the rest of the world.  
To be honest nowadays whenever Kuroo is around him, all the surrounding images of people and places seems to get blurred, almost like all his attention focusing on Kuroo. And all the sounds seems to get muted, all he can hear is, Kuroo voice. You can call it love, or just him trying to hide from the urban mess and finding relief.  
Whatever it is, Kuroo is his distraction and he wouldn't complain going out for groceries, with him. ~~And not to mention Kuroo will be doing as almost all the work.~~

So here they are, in the grocery store. Kuroo is pushing the trolley and Kenma is closely side by side, checking the list.

  
"I think we are done."  
Kenma says, looking up from the list.

"Already? Umm, Kenma I think we should start looking for Christmas decorations."

"What? Kuroo no."

"Why not? None of us visiting our home. We will be spending this Christmas together. Then why not?"

"Not that. It's only 2nd December."

"Yes! Exactly! It's 2nd DECEMBER not November. Christmas is in 23 days."

"We have plenty of time. 23 days a lot."

"No we don't. We are having exams coming up. And my exams gonna end at 20th! Come on now."  
Kuroo is now whinnying like a five years old. And Kenma was going to try one last time to stop him from buying decorations this early, but....

"HEY! HEY! HEY!"

Kenma sighs yet again. What a perfect timing. And looking from the enthusiast person's cart......

"BO!"

Here we go.  
Kuroo sprinted towards Bokuto, as if they didn't see each, like this morning.

"You are here too! What an accident!"

"It's 'Incident' Koutaro-San."

A voice speaks up from Bokuto's voice. Kenma didn't even noticed that Hikari is also here. She looking as done with everything as Kenma is feeling right now. Well at least good to see he's not the only one suffering, seems like his classmate even suffering more.  
Hikari walks up to Kenma with a smile on her face. Seems like she's relief to see him here.

"It's the same thing."  
Bokuto says.

"Not really."  
She says, rolling her eyes. Bokuto doesn't really seems to care. Engaging in conversation with Kuroo excitedly. And she faces Kenma to talk to.

"Hi. It's been a long time since I saw you. How are you? " She says.

"Yeah it's been a while. I was out of the city."

Kenma says, slightly uncomfortable. Not because she's asking the questions, more for the reason behind his absence. They're pretty close, so Kenma wouldn't mind talking to her about it, but it's just, it's too early. And she must've noticed Kenma's uncomfort because she doesn't enquiry further.

"So are you coming to class or dropping?"

"No no. I'm coming. I've already attend some of the classes. The one's that are not common to us."

"Ah, that's a good thing. So are you guys also gonna buy decorations for Christmas?"

" _Now_ I have to, you know."  
Kenma indicate towards Hikari and Bokuto's trolley. And she laughs.

"You know what the worst part is? We are actually going to spend this Christmas in my parents house. We are not gonna even use them."

She says, shaking her head.

"You're going to intro him to your parents?"

"Well more like, to my whole family officially. Cause my parents have already met him."

"They liked him right?"

"Of course. Otherwise we wouldn't be invited. They're really fond of him. You know his personality, I don't have to say it anything about it to you."

"That surely I do."

"Kenma! Look."

Oh dear. Those two. Kenma and Hikari both sighs at the same time. They've picked up, the most extra and obnoxious looking decorations.  
Kuroo is usually really tasteful when it's comes to clothing and other things, and so is Bokuto. But for some reason when they are together, everything is a mess.  
And the amount of the items is ridiculous too. There's no way in hell they are buying this much. Not to mention they are gonna come back for this **ChRIstMaS ShOpPinG**. Like a thousand time more.

"Kuroo stop. We are not buying this many stuff."

"You too, Koutaro-San. We are not even gonna use them."

"Don't be stingy!" Bokuto whined.

"We are not begin stingy. That's just too many things. They're gonna go waste. Not to mention you guys are gonna come back here multiple times." Kenma says.

"But-"

"No buts Kuroo. We are not buying all that. Pick your favorites and put the rest in their places."

Time like this Kenma feels like he is a parent. And has a grown ass man child, rather than a friend.............. Boyfriend. And suddenly Kenma blushes without any reasonable cause, at least for the people who are watching him. Thankfully it's winter, so no one questions him.

"You too Koutaro-San. Do the same."

Both the boy and the girl are younger than their boyfriends, but at the moment it seems like, they are the older ones, handling two toddler.

"WHA-"

"I'm not listening to any complains."  
Hikari says. She is this close to open a cereal box and pour on Bokuto's head.  
But thankfully they do listen to them and keep only a few items.  
They went to the counter, pay their bills and check out. They had to part away, cause Bokuto and his girlfriend lives on the opposite direction from their.

The shop isn't that far from Kenma's apartment, so they haven't bought the car. With bags in their hand they started walking. The environment is pretty good for walking, aside from the fact that it's cold af and snow is covering everything. It's afternoon and the sun is going down pretty fast.

Kuroo has one of his hand around Kenma's waist, keeping him closer. Kenma isn't complaining, it's too cold anyway. It's nice to have someone's body heat closer to his.

"Now I've to cook."  
Kenma says tiredly. Already tired, just thinking about cooking. Kuroo chuckles.

"I'll help."

"Kageyama gonna be grumpy seeing both of us in the kitchen. You know he's little shy."

"Yeah I know. He's like you. Introvert. Then how about my apartment? I live alone so no one will be distributed and neither gonna distrub us."

Kenma slightly blushes at the last sentence. It was clearly suggestive. Which he knows Kuroo is saying jokingly. They've been dating for a week only. The furthest they have gone so far is making out. Slowly. They'll progress slowly. At least that is what they've decided.

"I don't have any problem."

And they goes toward Kuroo's apartment instead.

Kenma is thinking. Thinking about what happend that day, and how they had come to the conclusion of waiting ~~till marriage~~.  
They've talked it out 4 days ago. When Kuroo came over his apartment.

Kageyama was out of the apartment. So they had a little alone time. They didn't intend to do anything. They were only talking casually. But somehow he ended up on Kuroo's lap, kissing deeply. This time the kiss wasn't soft like the one they had shared in front of the temple. It's anything but soft. Although it started with just a peek, it sooner became more than that.  
Kuroo started to lick Kenma's lip kittenishly ( ~~No pun intended~~ ). And then started to suck on his bottom lip. Kenma gasped slightly. Definitely wasn't rejecting, was just surprised. After sucking and biting on the bottom lip, he was again licking the bruises. Also pushing his lips slightly for permission.  
He wasn't forcing Kenma at all, was really concious about his wants, comfort and discomfort. And was ready to stop any moment, if Kenma didn't want anything that was too much for him.  
But Kenma didn't want to stop. He parted his lips slightly and lets Kuroo in, he didn't hesitate a bit after receiving permission. He slides his tongue inside Kenms mouth and starts exploring his mouth, also the hold around kenma gets tighter. Kenma couldn't help the little moaning sound, although it was nearly sallowed by Kuroo. He grips hardy on his boyfriend's shirt, trying not to melt.  
Kuroo is now licking inside is mouth. He yelps and shot his eyes open when Kuroo licks the middle top part of his mouth. It was like a trigger point. The fry feeling wasn't completely different from anything they had been doing.

Kenma's head is getting dizzy. He can't think straight, loosing balance, eyes getting glossy. Thought he doesn't need any balance, Kuroo his holding him very closely with his hands.......  
No it was one hand, another hand is going under Kenma's T-shirt. Rubbing his lower back, and slowly coming towards his belly. Kenma sudders. The skin to skin contact is driving him crazy. He let's out another moan.  
And also realized that there's a bulge forming, not in his crotch. It's Kuroo's. And honestly he's so gone that he wasn't going to stop. He was ready to go all the way in.

But Kuroo stopped suddenly. Puts Kenma on the bed and hurriedly leaves the room. Kenma was confused.

"Kuroo?"  
He calls after him but he does not reply.  
What suddenly happend that he walked off? Does he not want him? But he is hard though.........  
.........  
Kenma lays on the bed, questioning everything.  
He has come down already calmed down from the lush. Brain is functioning more accurately than before. So he gets up and walks in the living room. He saw Kuroo is sitting on the couch. So he didn't leave.

"Why did you walk off? You don't, you don't want-"

"Kenma, Kitten it's not that. You know that baby."

Although Kenma was slightly disappointed, all those pet names were making his heart flutter.

"Come. Sit here, we need to talk."

He says, patting the place beside him. Kenma goes and sits next to him.

"Talk about what?"

"About how and when should we take the next step in our relation. I think going without talking about it first won't end up well, just like now. I think we are going too fast."

And it depends on how to you see it. It's true they have been officially dating for 3 days at that point. **But**  Kenma and also Kuroo has been in love with for so many years that it does not feel like the relation is so young.  
  
"Okay. You are right. We should wait for couple of months?"

"Yeah that sounds okay. A couple months."

"Umm, how many?"

"6-7? You know slowly."

"Okay."

For Kenma's side, he is actually more than ready to have physical relation with Kuroo right now. Cause it's been too long. He has accepted Kuroo as his significant other so long ago that it does not feel like it's too early.  
But at the same time he can not just force his opinion on Kuroo, when he has already said that it's too early. But 6-7 months seems too. He doubts that any couple wait for that long, even after knowing how much they want each other.

On the other hand, Kuroo is torn between his own desire and Kenma's comfort.  
If he is honest, he wanted to have Kenma completely the first time Kenma kissed him. In front of the temple. It's so damn hard for him to control. _**But**_  he doesn't want to rush Kenma. He really does treasure him.  
And thinks Kenma is just going with it and he might regret later. So he is taking it slow for him.  
[ ~~You should just stop thinking my child. Dumbass~~.]

And already is regretting the long ass timer that he has set. It's gonna be real fun for him.

 

Tooru called him a ' _Soggy milk bread_ ' when he told him about it. He was shaking his head and told him he is not being considerate, rather he's pushing his opinion on Kenma. He should've let Kenma decide if they wait at all. And his defense was that Kenma did agree without any protest.

* * *

* * *

 

  
And now only 4 days later he is ready to slap his past self. For making that decision. 6 month is way too long. He can't wait even 1 day let alone 180 days.  
It might sound horny and he _is_  horny, he wouldn't lie. And no one can blame him cause he waited for 12 fucking years. And he can't blame anyone either, cause he could've got what he wanted, if he didn't cock block himself.

  
"Won't you open the door?"

Kuroo come back to reality from his thinking. They are already in front of his apartment and Kenma is waiting for him to open the door. He rummages through his pocket and pulls the keys out .

They enter the apartment. Kuroo locks the door behind and Kenma makes a bee line to the kitchen, and puts the bags on the counter top.  
It's Kenma's first time visiting Kuroo's apartment as his boyfriend. Spending some alone time with him.

Kuroo also comes to the kitchen  
and puts the bags in his hand on the counter top as well.

"What should we make?"  
Kuroo asks.

"Something simple. Omurice?"

"Yeah sounds good. But it's too simple. I think we should make Tonkatsu too."

"Okay. Let's divide the works."

They fall into places pretty quickly. Doing the work without any hassle. They've done this before, a lot of time to be honest. But something about today is really domestic.

They finishes cooking and serve them on the table. They end up making Miso soup too. It's was pre-packaged so wasn't a big deal.

They sit across from each other.

"Ittadakimus."

"Ittadakimus."

They starts eating.

"Kenma."

"Hmm?"

"I was thinking something. You don't have to agree, I'm just putting it out there."

"About what?"

"About us moving in together."

Kenma looks at him surprisingly.

"I thought we are waiting... ?"

"No, not that. These two are different. I'm taking about just living together. I've an extra room. So I was thinking if you want to move in."

"Why so suddenly."

"I kinda mi-...... miss you."  
Kuroo says. His ears are getting hot.  
He's so that Kenma couldn't let the opportunity to go, so he started teasing him.

"You miss me?" Kenma says with a teasing smile.  
"Even though we practically spend all day together, everyday. Also I live like 1 minute away from here. Do you really love me that much?"  
  
Kuroo's face starts to burn. Red as a capsicum. [ ~~Unfortunately you cannot cum. Lol]~~

"What's new about it. You already know it."

"Why are you blushing then after saying it?"

"I'm not!"

"Kenma stop it."  
He whines. Kenma laughs.

"Okay okay. I won't tease."

"When did you become such a tease though? Knew hanging around with Tsukishima is a bad thing for you."

"Don't say anything about him!"

"Okay I won't. But won't you tell me about movies in together."

"I don't have any problem to move in. I'm graduating after this semester, which is this month. And I'm not gonna study further like you, so I have to move out anyway. But..."

"But?"

"You're also finishing. Both of us going to job hunt. What if we ended up getting job and the offices are really far apart?"

Kenma's expression change into something more sad.

"We will see about it kitten." Kuroo says softly.  
"Let's finish up now. Foods are getting cold. By the way you let Kageyama know then."

"I mean he already knows that I'll be moving out, cause I'm graduating. And I believe he has already find someone to be roommate with."

"Good then."

With that they finish eating. Did the dishes together. And spend some lazy time on the couch watching TV. Kenma is practically on his lap, head resting on his chest. Blanket wrapped around them.

"Kitten."

"Stay over? It's late anyway. And not to mention the cold outside."

"Mmmmkay."

Kenma says. Nuzzling into him. He has no intention of leaving this cozy, warm place anyway.  
Kuroo giggles at that and scoots Kenma towards him even further. This time he's on Kuroo's lap fully. Purring softly. Kuroo's chest fills with happiness. He founds himself falling in love once again.

 

 


	14. My happy Valentine

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here we go again ~

Time sure passes quickly. Specially when it comes to exams.  
It was one hell of a week though. Everyone was practically swimming in a pool, made out of coffee. All students were glued to the coffee shop. It was like that the coffee shop is the light and they are the moths. It was so stressful that when exams were over some of the students slut drop out of excitement.

But for those, who are graduating, it isn't time for relif at all. They need to find jobs now.  
Kenma and are not exception either.

Kuroo has studies Biochemistry. So now he's gonna work in the hospital that he has gotten accepted in, also gonna do his research for Ph.D.  
TBH it was almost decided that he's gonna be working in this particular hospital a long ago. Cause non other than his professor recommended him to them. It's because he is one of the top students. He's always been a good student. And the hospital isn't far at all. 25-30 minutes drive.

On other hand Kenma has graduate from the biology department in Botany. And thankfully has found a job in a botanical farm. Where he will work and also gonna do research. Also he considers himself lucky that he lives in Japan where the transport system is excellent. It will only take about 20 minutes or so by train from where his dorm is.  
Well more like _was_. He is now moving out. In his boyfriends house, since the distance from Kuroo's apartment to his is about some as it is from the dorm.

It's a lot. Graduating, getting job, moving in with the love of his life, also saying bye to the previous year.  
They've spent the Christmas and new year together.

  
Christmas day is not a holiday in Japan. Neither they celebrates it as a religious occasion. It's more a joyful day. Exchanging gifts and eating McDonald's is the thing they do. But they do celebrate new year. They've 4 days off, to January 1st to 4th.

  
Most of their friends were out visiting their family, since the exam is over.  
So they spent the Christmas with each other.  
Kuroo's gift was the new game he was wanting to buy. Kenma couldn't hide the smile when he gave him the gift.  
And Kenma gave him a Black and red sweater. Honestly out of volleyball and study Kuroo does not have that much interest in anything else. So it is really hard to decide what to get for him. So Kenma opted for something practical and useful, since it's winter.  
Kuroo was grinning ear to ear when Kenma gave him his gift. Neither of them will mind reviving _anythi_ _ng_ from the other at this point.

  
But they did celebrate the new year eve with their friends. At least with those whose family is in Tokyo.  
Kuroo got a little bit tipsy that night and it was hassle for Kenma to handle him, cause, apparently his emo mode was activated. And Kenma has to deal with his mood swings. Was laughing one time and millisecond later would be making Mariana Trench out of his tears.  
( ~~ **YOU'RE MA TEARS. YOU'RE MA, YOU'RE MA TEARS. sorry about that)**~~

It was actually really hard for him, to drag Kuroo's ass back to the apartment, since you know he's like twice the size of Kenma. And let's not talk about getting help from the friends. But he did success bringing back him to the apartment. And stayed over the night there.  
The apartment wasn't _their_ , rather **_his_** at that point. Cause Kenma had yet to move in.

 

But that time also come around. And Kenma moved in.  
Before starting moving things they thought Kenma didn't have that much stuff.  
But oh boy, the classical thing happend. Turns out that even the 'not too much' things also a shit lods of stuff. And a bitch to move. And almost half of the stuffs are related to video gaming. What else can you expect, it's Kenma.

Well that part was also solved, since they were going back and forth, crossing only 3 buildings. And true to Kuroo's word they were living in two separate room. Kenma has taken the spare room that was empty. And he has settle down now, since it's been a month.

It's almost the middle of February. Seems like their life has gone through a hell lot of changes. Every single of which is for the better.

It is true, that it wasn't easy to go through all of that, but they have survive.

* * *

 

Getting used to each other wasn't that hard either, since they've practically lived with each other for years now. Instead, it is now easier for Kuroo, to make Kenma go to bed early and waking him up in the *morning*, and not be sleep deprived.  
In the college days specially, Kenma managed to make his bad habits even worse. He barely managed to make it to the morning classes and sometimes didn't at all. Kuroo tried and did help, but he could only do so much with his own classes. And they lived apart.

But now they live together and have mandatory office days. Like it or not, you have to wake up early.

* * *

 

The apartment now feel more like a home now.  
Walking up together in the morning. Making breakfast and lunch boxes for the day. Eating breakfast together and chit chatting about who will arrive first, and what they need to do. Dividing task between themselves, so they have some time for themselves after they're done with everything.

It's a home. It is.

You see, here is the recent and their most stressful problem starts.

It _is because_  they've started to form a home, they want to do things on their own.  
Like no order in or buying pre made food. No ramen. Not on a regular basis at least.  
It is their own little rules. They **_want_**  to be proper adults now. So they've started from the eating, the most vital aspect. If they're still on ramen, then where's the difference between college life and now.

But the problem is, now they are cooking daily. Struggling with the recipes that are a little bit complicated. Basically anything more than fried rice and Tonkatsu is difficult for them.  
Sometimes it's totally flavour less, sometimes too salty or burnt.  
And sometimes it turns out perfect. And that's what making their menu bigger day by day.

  
Doing more cooking means doing a lot more dishes.  
Those neatly clean dishes are on the self placed perfectly.  
But processes of cleaning was a hassle. Even after living on their own for so long, they still messes things up.  
Breaking things, making permanent scar on them, spilling dish washing water.  
Sometimes they'll be frustrated and sometimes they'll laugh like silly.

You'll see cups of two different kinds in the cupboard, according to each their aesthetics.  
All the plates and cutlery are now for two people.

 

In the balcony, there are clothes of two different sizes. You can tell, what belongs to whom.

And the laundry......... God bless everything except for whatever it is that stole the socks. And if you wanna stole, take both of them. Why only 1 from every pair.  
Also there's been a lot of time when they've put the white clothes along with the colour one's. And....... Well, self dyed cloths are not too bad, are they? Be optimistic.

But they can't. Depending on who has done it, the other will always go for his ass.

Yes it is a home.

  
You can see stuff here and there, out of their places. Sing of people living here.  
Cushions on the couch are not neatly place, there's a blanket still lying on it.  
DVDs and cables are also not placed.  
They often like to spend the evening, either by watching TV or playing video games. Sometimes pass out on the couch, not making it to the bed.  
Their separate bed, in their separate rooms.

But still. It's their home.

  
And when it is, the end of the day, and the body is worn out from all the work, it wants nothing more than wanting to go back to the little home. To where it can get in touch with the familiar warmth.  
The warmth of love, happiness, little little argument, foolish jealously.

  
Nothing can make them want to trade it. ....... ........ ............. At least, that what it was supposed to be.

* * *

 

It is 14th February. Kuroo and Kenma are both working extra time, for the past 3 days. So that they can leave the work a little bit early today. They're still really new to their jobs, so don't want to take a day off, thus the extra work.

You can tell whatever you want. You can hate or think it is unnecessary to have a day dedicated to the person you love, saying why a have one special day when you can love a person throughout the whole year?  
But having a specific day, just made you want to put extra effort. And appreciate more, the special someone you have. What is wrong with that?

  
They have already made the plans out for today.

As it is Valentine's Day, all the nice restaurant are packed in city. It's too crowdy. So they have planned to go out of the city. It's a nice resort, with a nice surrounding view. They can have a nice dinner there.  
It's not too far, since they have a full work day tomorrow. But it's still out of the city, nice and quiet. A nice relaxing date.

They've wished each other in the morning, but haven't exchage any gifts. Planning on doing it at the dinner.

* * *

 

Kenma gets back from work at 1 and Kuroo is supposed to be back in about an hour.

  
So he takes a shower. Starting to get ready. And packs the gift in his back pack.

The gift is nothing much, yet not really small either. There's chocolate of course. And......

And a pendent for Kuroo......  
A silver pendant. Just like the one Kuroo gave him.  
The only difference, it's a Sun. And there's a bright orangish yellow stone in the middle.

Kuroo is the sun of his life. It sounds chessy, but whatever the truth sounds like, truth is truth.

 

Kenma waits for him.  
The 1 hour passes. He doesn't come back. It's okay. Maybe work hasn't finished.  
2 hours goes by. And 3. Kenma started to get anxious. But he still waits.

And 4 hours.  
Kenma starting to get really anxious and kinda mad.

He couldn't take it anymore so he called him. But the phone is off.  
What on earth?

 _'Is he okay?'_ He thinks.

Kenma knows where Kuroo's office is. He hasn't been there before, but now he has to go.

 

* * *

 

**14 February, 2018**  
**12:36 pm**

  
Kuroo is working in some papers, writing the test report he was working on. Almost done. He can leave even earlier than he expected.

Suddenly his phone rings.  
Considering the timing he thinks it is Kenma. So he picks up without looking.

"Ken-"

"It's Hanayo."

Kuroo's hole mood gets bitter, and he regrets not looking before picking up.

"Why on earth did you called me for. And how did you get this number?"

"O comes on. Don't pretend like you're some short of VIP and finding your number is impossible."

"Whatever. I don't want anything to do with you. Bye."

Kuroo proceed to cut the call. But froze at what she says next.

"Your unborn child. Don't you even care about it?"

 

 

 

 

 

 


	15. Yellow Chrysanthemum- Take my 'Red' one

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> SIN

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've sinned. I'm going to hell.
> 
> !!Warning!! Explicit sexual content and blood involved.
> 
> So from the beginning, I've tried to keep the fic as practical as possible. But..... But in this chapter I've done something that not so practical. Hehe... Heh.... He...... I'M SORRY OKAY. BUT I HAD TO. It's not even that big. And also I have my alibi.
> 
> Okay so, normally if you wanna do a parental conformation DNA test, it will at least, at least take you 1 day to get the result. Even if you choose the best Lab.
> 
> But, for the plot I had to make it, couple of hours.
> 
> Now listen to my alibi.
> 
> If you know the lab worker, you'll get the results even quicker. And I've seen in a drama where they get the result in 2 or 3 hour (maybe I should not believe in drama).  
> So hence it might be o..... kay? Maaaayyyybe?
> 
> OK thanks for liking. You can read the chapter now."
> 
>  

 

Kuroo couldn't believe what he was hearing.  
'It must be her new trap' He thinks. And he's not going to fall for it again.

  
"You think this is gonna work? Do you think I'm gonna make the same mistake twice? You are totally wasting your time if you think you'll get me with your lies again."

Kuroo says in a calm voice. Although no one is around him, he still doesn't want to create a drama.

  
"17 weeks. That's exactly what this child's age is. If you still think it's a lie why don't you come to my home and see? I've already a baby bump."

And it hits Kuroo. If he recalls correctly, it is exactly 4 month and 8 days since that night happened. Yes, he knows the days correctly. He cannot forget even if he wants to.  
If the baby is 17 weeks then......

'NO NO NO NO NO. WHY.' Kuroo thinks in his head.  
He tries to calm down and think properly.

"Even if you are pregnant, what is the proof that it's **_my_**  baby? I'm sorry, but I'm not the only person you've slept with. Be that, before that night, or after."

"Hmm. I knew you were gonna say that. It's **_my_**  body, so I know who has left essential things in me, to get me pregnant. And you are free to do the DNA test, if you want to. You can choose the hospital even. I don't mind."

Now Kuroo started to feel the horror.  
Why is she _this_  confident? Is it really true after all? Then why has she waited so long to tell him? She could've told him earlier. WHY DIDN'T SHE?

Kuroo was angry. Frustrated.

"Of course I'm gonna do the DNA test! But even if it's true why haven't you told me earlier, dammit!"

"Not ' _Even if_ '. It is true. Don't ask so many questions. Come now and see it for yourself."

With that she terminates the call.

Kuroo sits there silently.  
It's the same situation all over again.  
But this time there's a life involved.  
His baby...... His own child.

He couldn't sit there anymore. He takes his phone and keys, and leaves, with the unfinished work behind.

Pulling in the parking lot of Hanayo's apartment, he takes the elevator to the destinated floor. The elevator reaches the floor. He all but runs towards Hanayo's door once the elevator door opens. It doesn't take much time for her to open the door once Kuroo rings the bell.

As soon as the door was open and she was standing in front of him, Kuroo feels like all the oxygen has been kicked out of his lungs.  
True to what she said, she in fact, is pregnant.

There's a little bump in her lower abdomen. It's little, but still clearly visible.

She wore that blood boiling smirk again when she caught Kuroo staring at her belly.

"Surprised?"  
She asks, really not wanting an answer. Her face tells that she knows everything.  
Kuroo doesn't answer. He just grabs her hand and starts walking

"What the fuck. Why are dragging me? Where are we going"

"To take the test."

"Can't you wa-"

"NO I CAN'T."

Kuroo was furious at this point.  
How wouldn't he be? This is WAY over his imagination. If she really is pregnant, that means she is now playing with a fucking **life**.  
And it's her child also. _How can she_.

Now he has lost the last ounce of sympathy for her. Nothing but disgust.

He starts the car and drives back to the hospital. He himself works at the lab. So it wouldn't be too difficult to do the tests. And it will be so much quicker. Not to mention she wouldn't be able to play any trick this way.

  
When they receive at the hospital's lab, the first thing Kuroo does is, taking a syringe and drawing his blood out. Hanayo looks at him with horror.

After collecting his blood sample he takes her to one of his colleague. She is a nice lady, and Kuroo can trust her.  
He tells her to take Hanayo and check if he's really pregnant or not, cause honestly that bump could be fake. And also check how old the baby is, as well collect the sample.

He waits outside the room. After some times they came back.  
And yes, she in fact, is pregnant. The baby is 17 weeks today. So Hanayo was telling the truth.  
His colleague gives him the sample. Now it's time for test.

Although he hated Hanayo with every fiber in his body, he still doesn't want to harm the unborn soul.  
So he calls a taxi and send her back home, because the tests are gonna take a while to complete.

Which reminds him that today's plan is over, he won't be able make it. And what time is it?  
He curses under his breath when he sees the time.  
Finds out the phone is dead when he tries to call Kenma.

"Of. Fucking. Course." He says out loud.

He charges his phone for couple of minutes. Waiting so that it will gain charge enough to call Kenma. No....... He can't talk now. So when the phone is alive again, he sends a text message to him instead of calling.

And goes back to the lab.

* * *

 

Kenma was about to leave the apartment when he receives a message.  
He opens it, and it is from Kuroo. His face gets darker as he reads it.

  
  
_**5:03**_  
_**Kuroo**_  
"I'm really sorry Kitten, but we have to cancel our plan today. I can't make it. Also I'll be late."

  
Kenma huffs and plops down on the couch.  
Nothing much can be done. He can't be pouty. It's Kuroo's job. In hospital no less. Must be emergency. He thinks.  
He looks at his backpack and takes out the gift. And looks at it. Sometimes after he falls asleep on the couch, holding the pendent.

The sun is going down outside.

* * *

* * *

 

  
Kenma wakes up at the door's opening and closing sound.

It's dark. Only the lights from outside is illuminating the living room area. He doesn't even know what time is it. Someone enters.  
Even in this dark he can tell that it's Kuroo's figure.

"Kuroo?" He calls out.

But Kuroo doesn't reply. Instead he walks up to him and falls down on top of him.

 **sniff**   **sniff**

"Kuroo you've drunk, haven't you?"

"Yes."

"Are you drunk? Have you driven back home at this state?"

"I'm not drunk, Kenma. Just not totally sober."

"Kuroo that's so irres-"

Kenma couldn't finish the sentence. A pair of lips suddenly presses against his own.

But soon enough the kiss become rough. It's all teeth and rough bites. Kenma cries out  
with both pain and pleasure.  
Kuroo has never been so rough.  
Suddenly he pins down Kenma on the couch and climbs on top of him. He puts hands either side of Kenma's face and leans on him.

"K-Kuroo?"  
Kenma is now starting to get a little bit scared.

"What are you-?

"Kenma, you love me right? You won't leave me, will you?"

Kuroo's face is red. And It's not the usual blush that he gets when they are intimate like this. It's from the alcohol. He's not drunk, but tipsy for sure.

  
"Why are you asking this now Kuroo? Of course I do. And why on earth would I leave you? Did something happen?"

"No. It's just. I want you."

He whispers in Kenma's ear, and Kenma shivers.

"Please Kenma. Please. I wanna know that you are mine, by body and soul."

"Kuroo I think now is not the right time. You're not sober."

"I'm I'm I'm."

With that he suddenly picks Kenma up bridal style. And headed towards his bedroom. It's dark in there too. He searches for the light, with Kenma in his hand. Once it's on he walks up to the bed and almost throws Kenma on it. He lightly bounces at the force.

As the light is on now, Kenma can clearly see Kuroo's face and he is scared. His eyes are red and cheeks are too. Hair is messy. He does not look good.

Kenma sees Kuroo unbuttoning his shirt and unbuckling the belt. He is stripping. Now he is crawling on the bed, coming towards him.  
Kenma doesn't want this. He didn't wanted it to happen like this.  
Kuroo is not sober, not in his right mind. And something definitely has gone down, that's why Kuroo is behaving like this.  
If that's what happend, that means Kuroo just wants to let the hatred out. He doesn't want their first time to be a result of hatred. Plus he.......

"Kuroo, please don't do it. You yourself will regret it. Listen what I say."

But Kuroo doesn't seems to be listening.  
Kenma once again finds himself under Kuroo, pinned down.

Kuroo plants a kiss on his forehead, then on the nose, on the lips, on the chin, then goes for his throat and neck. Bites and sucks marks on his pale skin. His toes curl with pleasure.

He can't help it, even though he doesn't want it to have this way, it's still Kuroo. The person he loves, and lives with. It's not too early for him either, he's ready for this. But just not this way.

He cries out when Kuroo bite him a little too hard on his neck.

"I'm sorry." Kuroo licks the place where he bite him. And sucks on it.

"I didn't intend to bite it this hard. I just can't control."

Kenma can feel Kuroo's cock hardening. He's rubbing it on his crotch. And he can also feel himself growing hard. His body is reacting on its own. It's wants what it wants.  
But he tries to be rational for the last time.

"Kuroo p-please, ah! Please stop."

"I'm sorry I can't. I want you I want you I want you. You said you love me."

"I do AH! But, but"

"No. I don't wanna hear anything else."

With that he rips Kenma's clothes out of his body. Strips him completely naked, not a single piece was in his body.  
He is not gentle. Not at all.Trying to be, but failing.

Kenma knows that Kuroo is gonna regret it when the morning comes, but nothing can be done. He himself is also to be blamed. He didn't try enough to stop him, cause the irrational part of him just wants Kuroo, nothing else. And that part gets the best of him. So he just let's everything happen.

Kuroo started to play with his exposed chest.  
Sucking on the right nipple roughly, and rubbing other one between his two finger. Kenma choke on a moan. He lifts his mouth from the nipple, a string of saliva hanging between his tongue the nipple. It's fully covered with his saliva, it's hard, red, bruised and swollen. And he goes for the other one, alternating.

"Ah! a-ah! Kuroo!"

Kuroo sucks on them even harder. Kenma's back arching at that. Once satisfied with what he has done, he moves and licks a long stripe from the middle of the chest to the naval, and stops there.  
Kenma's belly is not as hard as it used to be, when he played volleyball. He still has the abs, but it's soft not firm.

Kuroo press a hand hardly on his lower belly. The touch makes Kenma's head spin.  
He lifts the hand and started sucking on the belly button and the side areas. Making bruises all over. And then............he gazes at his length. Kenma's face heates up so much that he think it's gonna get burnt.  
His dick is hard and red, at it's full length. It's pretty average.

Kuroo licks the tip of it and Kenma shudders. He simmers the precum with his tongue. Spit and cum mixing together. And without any further warning he takes the whole length in his mouth and Kenma's eyes rolls back in his head. His head is getting dizzy.

Kuroo started bobbing his head up and down. Picking up speed really fast. Again rough. Kenma almost screms. Too much sensation in between too little time.

"Kuroo please no. Oh my. I'm gonna- I'm gonna cum. Stop!"

But he doesn't listen. Instead goes even faster.  
He is close, so he tries to push him away, but can not. Kuroo takes the full length inside his mouth instead. So he ends up cumming in Kuroo's mouth.

He is heavily breathing. Calming down from the excitement.

"What did you do with it? Don't tell me you've sallowed it."

Kuroo doesn't say anything, just gives him a smirk.  
Now he is pushing Kenma's leg apart. Exposing his pretty pink hole.

Shame suddenly engulfes him, he tries to close his legs, but Kuroo held them firmly. Not letting him to close them. And stare at it intensely.  
Kenma couldn't take it much longer, it's too embarrassing. No one has ever looked at him like that.

"Kuroo! Please stop looking!"

So he does. Instead of looking he leans down licks the hole. Kenma's body jerks up. But Kuroo's hands are holding the leg, so he can't close them.  
He tries to push the tip of his tongue inside and the cum mixing with the spit that he was holding in his mouth covers the hole as well as leakes on the bed.

"No! Ku-Ahh! ah! Stop! It's too thick. I can't take. Hurts hurts!"

Kuroo stops and looks at him. His brain is not really functioning well. He has barely any control. But still can understand what Kenma saying now.

"Kenma. You're not virgin, are you?"

Kenma feels the embarrassment. He is almost 23 years old. But he _is_ in fact virgin.  
How can you blame him. He has been fallen in love with Kuroo for way too long for his own good. He has dated a few people. But never has pass beyond kissing. He just couldn't do it. And now here it is.

"So what if I am. Are you gonna make fun of it now."

Kenma says in a quite angry voice. He knows he's being childish, but it's one of his insecurity, people judging him because he hasn't fucked yet.

"No! No. I'm not making fun, I swear. It's just I thought you are not. And if you are, I need to prepare you more carefully. Shit, I'm not functioning too well. What can I do."  
Kuroo is now talking rapidly. Trying to explain so that Kenma would not misunderstand him.

He hurriedly search the bedside drawer and picks a small bottle of lube. He has it. Just in case. Also takes out condom. Pours a generous amount of lube on his fingers and rubs it to make it warm.  
Sits himself between Kenma's leg, pushes them apart close again since he has closes them. And bends his knees close to his chest. He puts his index finger on the entrance.  
Kenma is tense. So the muscles in his body are also tense.

"Kitten, baby relax. Don't be so tense. I can't put finger in if you are this tense."

Kenma tries to relax. Kuroo is rubbing a hand up and down on his thigh to soothe him and kisses his forehead. He relax and Kuroo goes back to what he was doing.  
He pushes the index finger past the ring muscle of the rim. And Kenma cries out. Kuroo doesn't give him much time to adjust at the feeling. Soon he starts to push the finger in and out. The obscene squlish sound filling the silence of their room.  
Even though he has pour a generous amount of lube and the slide is pretty smooth, still the tightness of the muscle is still there. It can't be helped.  
He pushes the second finger in after sometime. And scream moan at that. Tears starts to form in his eyes. The stretch burns.  
He is now scissoring him open. And when the resistance becomes weaker, he adds the third finger. This time however, his fingers reaches to a specialty bundle of nerves. And Kenma's hole body trembles, his tries to push away from the fingers but can't. Tears finally overflow from the eyes, runs down the cheeks. He has never felt like this before. It's all new to him, and overwhelming.

Kuroo continuously massage that particular bundles of nerve. It's the fast time Kenma realising what prostate simulation is. It's driving him crazy. He can not think anything anymore. But he feels his lower stomach twisting with a warm feeling. He feels lightheaded. And without realizing he started to push onto Kuroo's fingers. Fucking himself open onto the fingers. Moaning loudly. Wants to chase after the euphoric feeling.

"Baby you are liking it now. Look at you fucking yourself on my fingers, on your own. What a little slutty kitty."

Kenma feels himself getting even more aroused by the filthy words. Hole tightening around the fingers. He didn't know that he has things for dirty talk. Well to be fair everything is new for him, since it is his first time.  
Kuroo gets more encouraged at that reaction. Showering him with all shorts of filthy words. Whispering them into his ears.  
Kenma is now totally dissolve into it. Not scared or stiff anymore. So Kuroo pushes the 4th finger in. And Kenma cries out harder. Kuroo kisses his tears away.  
He have to prepare him well. Otherwise he wouldn't be able to fit his 8 and half inches cock inside Kenma's delicate body. Not to mention it's not only long. In simple word it's a fat, bigass dick. Yeah what are you even expecting from a giant like him.

He continues to rub the prostate and fucking the hole open. He can tell Kenma is close. But he wonders if he can cum From just the ass. His cock is neglected, he hasn't touch it from the last time he has cum.  
Kuroo removes the fingers and Kenma whines, frustrated at the lose. His hole gaping on nothing but air. Kuroo laughs slightly.

"It's okay baby, I'll do something even better than that." He says in a soothing manner.  
He then licks a stripe at the now lubed up hole and pushes the tip of the tongue. This time it goes fairly easily. Kenma's body arches at that, and his one hand grips at the bed sheet and another on Kuroo's hair. He feels like he's going insane.  
Kuroo is now eating him out. Pushing his tongue in and out, making loud wet noises. And the noises only turns Kenma on even more. He's close, really really close.  
Kuroo puts a finger alongside his tongue and starts rubbing the prostate again.  
And that pushes Kenma over the edge. He cums totally untouched, all over his belly. Just from his ass. It's the 2nd orgasm for him. And they haven't even started the main thing.  
His body did sudders. Kuroo fucks him through the orgasm.

"T-too much. Stop."

Kuroo sits back up and removes the finger. His own erection is now totally visible. He's still wearing underwear.  
He gives Kenma some time to recover. And takes the time to strip himself completely. He reaches over and takes the lube, pours some on his hand and rubbs on his length. Kenma watching him with wide eyes. Gulping. Clearly didn't know how big he is.  
Kuroo takes the condom packet and tries to tear it up with teeth, but Kenma suddenly whines. Kuroo looks up at him.

"What is it Kitten?"

"Don't put. Don't wanna."

"You don't want to go any further?"

"Not that. I don't want you to put on condom. Do with it."

"But kit-"

"No buts! We know we both are safe."

Kenma is whining like a child. Kuroo can't deny if he says like this. And it's true, they're both safe. So he put down the condom and goes back between his boyfriends leg.  
This time Kenma didn't close it. He experimentally pushes a finger in to see if it's still loose or not. It goes pretty easily.

So here lines himself up. Pushes the tip onto the entrance. Teasing a bit. Stops and leans forward to kiss Kenma one more time. And pushes forward, only the tip goes inside.  
And Kenma see stars for a second. It's so big that only the tip fills like tearing him into two. How can the rest gonna go.

To make it worse, Kuroo now loosing all his resolves. Up-to this point he was patient, but now he seems to crumbling.  
He gives him a little time to adjust. And the next next thing makes Kenma screams with pain. Hot water running down his cheeks. He feels like he is split into two.  
Cause Kuroo has push the rest of the whole length in on go. It's so big and thick that he feels like he's stuffed to the brim. And he _is_. There's a bulge in his lower belly........... It's Kuroo's cock.

Kuroo let's him adjust by staying still. But the burn is so intense, it feels like he has been wounded. And then he fills it. A liquid, almost like water's consistency, running down his leg. It's not lube nor cum or spit....... Blood. He is finally one with the person he has loved and is in love with for years. Suppose there will be tears and blood.

Kuroo starts to move. He pulls all the way out but just the tip, and slam back in. Kenma's hole body moves up at that force and bed also moves.  
Kuroo has hit the post at the first attempt, as if he has fucked Kenma a lots of time before and knows his body too well. Kenmas toes curls, he fists the bed covers. Kuroo rise one his right leg and puts it on his shoulder, so that he can get a better access. He continues to thrust into him. Relativity slowly at first, but picking up speed soon. He leans down to kiss his beautiful lover. He is looking so pretty now, kiss sollown lips, blish out expression on his face. Tears streaming down his face. Moaning sounds leaving from his trembling lips. Purple spots and bites mark all over his body.  
He can cum just from.

The sound of skin slapping against skin is loud. His balls are hitting on Kenma's ass. He is fucking him faster now. Kenma's legs are around his waist and one hand tugging at his hair, another one busy scratching his back, leaving obvious marks and bruises. And he should, cause Kuroo practically hasn't leave any spot on his body clear. All marked up.

He feels Kuroo growing even bigger inside him, stretching him even more, he's going to pass out.

"Oh god! oh god!. Ku- aahhh! roo you are tearing me apart. It's SOO big. So- oh Shit! Big!"

He's now babbling.

Kuroo starts to hammering into him brutally, almost bouncing Kenma. Kenma's cock is rubbing between his and Kuroo's abdomen. He tighten up around Kuroo, he's close. So is Kuroo.  
He gives one last thrust, going balls deep, burying himself into the deepest part in Kenma. Kenma didn't know he he can feel anything this further down.  
Kuroo cums inside him. What cum fills Kenma up. He can feel it in his belly. That was enough to make him come. He comes all over his and Kuroo's abdomen.

Kuroo tries to hold himself up but falls on him. He is heavy, but Kenma let's him. Still hasn't pull out.  
He kisses Kenma's cheek.

"That was amazing kitten. You have been so good." He murmurs sleeply.  
Kenma suddenly feels his chest feels with joy. Maybe, afterall it wasn't a bad decision. Maybe Kuroo wouldn't regret it.

He pulls out, and rolls out off of Kenma. They should clean up, but both of them are too exhausted to do it. They drift off to sleep, hugging each other.

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Ahm*  
> So...........  
> I've done it. I've written my first ever smut in life. I don't know how well or bad this trun out. Please let me know. Let me know if it has done anything to you.......... You know........ Okay No? TMI? That's okay. You don't need to tell me. But do if you wish. WHAT EVEN AM I SAYING. IT'S FRIDAY FRIDAY. A FUCKING 'HOLY' DAY. AND HERE IM SINNING T-T. I'm going to hell.


	16. Let's take both of our souls and Intertwine.

The sun is bright in the sky. Illuminating it's brightness with rays of light. Providing warmth to those who are shivering in this cold winter morning.

Through the window the sunlight and the warmth also enters in Kuroo's room.  
The curtains were flying from the force of the cold air. And sun light finds its way through that. Showering the two body that are lying on the bed.   
All tangled up. Seems almost like one body.

Kuroo is hugging Kenma like a side pillow. His one hand and leg is over his body. And Kenma is also hugging him, his face buried in crook of Kuroo's neck. Breathing softly. Exhausted from the night.

Kuroo scrunches his eyes when sunlight become more intense. He opens his eyes slowly. And takes some moment to absorb, what is happening around him. Head is kinda feeling heavy. Realizing that he is holding someone. Even breathing air on his skin. Looking down only to find out its Kenma. And they're both naked.   
A horrifying flashback instantly hits him. This exact thing happend before. Where he.......

Kuroo sits up immediately, throws the blanket in the process, also wakes Kenma up.

"Kuroo?"

Kenma calls out sleeply, still lying down. Kuroo looks at him. The boy doesn't have any cloth in his body. Marked up all over the body. Skin colour has almost turned purple at the amount of biting and hickeys. Kuroo slowly looks down. His leg............  
........  
... There's a red stain, from his inner thigh to the ankle.   
His eyes becomes wide with fear. Realizing what he has done. He remembers Kenma telling him to stop. But he didn't listen. He has forced himself on him.

Hanayo was right. He is a monster. He thinks.   
Also the memory of the test results comes back to him.

This is it.   
He has done every single worse thing he could've done. And lost everything he has had.

Hurriedly he gets and picks up his clothes from the floor. Wearing them and proceeds to leave. Yes. The only thing he is good at. Running away from his crimes.

Kenma's heart felt at Kuroo's reaction. So he _is_ in fact regretting doing it this early. Not even 3 months have passed since they have starting to date. The decision was to wait 6 months. More than half way to go. He sure is regretting. Kenma thinks to himself.   
He fears that this will ruin their relation. They'll grow apart. So he runs after Kuroo..

"AH!"

**_THAD_ **

But falls down. He didn't realize how much wounded he was from the night. But a pair of hand is already there, picking him up, and putting him on the bed again. He still feels the pain.  
A pair of of eyes full of concern and guilt looks at him.

"What are you doing. Be careful when you walk. Will you?"  
Kuroo almost scolds him.

"I didn't realize- I can't walk..... "

"What?"  
Kuroo asks confusedly

"Hurts." Kenma says. Face getting dark red.

"To where? Did I break your legs too?" Kuroo asks, seems like he is ready to throw himself from the window.

"What? No. You didn't break any part of me. ............Probably."

"Probably? Then why did you fall. Tripped? There's - there's blood stain on your leg Kenma. I forced myself into you, did I?"   
Kuroo is getting more anxious as he says the words out loud. Almost hyperventilating.

"No. No! Kuroo, Kuroo listen."

Kenma grabs Kuroo's face between his hands. Forcing him to look at his direction.

"You didn't forced on me anything. I swear I was more than ready to do it. I have been since the every first time. The first time I had realized that I am in love with you. I was just waiting for you to comply. So please, please don't blame anything on yourself."

Kuroo calms down as he speaks. His eyes again getting bigger as Kenma tells him since when he was waiting for this.

But then again, he thinks back to, what exactly triggered him to do it. Tipsyness definitely made him bold but intentionally drank to get tipsy. Cause he wanted to kill the rational part of him, so that he can do whatever, in order to let out the pain, anger and frustration.   
Which led him to basically use Kenma, like an object. An object that can satisfy him, distract him, can absorb all his negative emotions.

He doesn't deserve it. Kenma does *not* deserve this, no one does.   
He deserves so much better than this. This is the absolut worst way to treat your partner.

Not to mention it was his First time. And he doesn't have to be a genius, to guess, why Kenma has waited for so damn long. It was most certainly because he loves his dumbass.   
And what he has done in return. Forced himself on him. It doesn't matter Kenma is his boyfriend and possibly was ready for it. The _way_  it happened is absolutely not acceptable. The poor boy is bleeding.

  
"How can I _not_  blame myself Kenma. It doesn't matter if you were ready or not. I should've never forced my way to you. You weren't ready for me to suddenly come to you drunk and corner you. Were you?"

Kenma was taken aback at that. He can feel the venom in Kuroo's tone. The hatred for his action is clear in it. And yes, Kenma does agree that things weren't in the way they wanted it to be, but it wasn't that worse either. Yes Kuroo shouldn't have take that big step in their relation, when he wasn't even sober. But Kenma himself also let it happen, his end was loose also. Then why should Kuroo need to take all the blame to his shoulder.   
Hell he didn't just pinned him down and penetrated him like an object. Even in that state of mind he was more than considerate.

"Kuroo I know you are blaming yourself a lot for this, and I won't tell you that you completely haven't done anything. But it's not also as bad as you are thinking. Will you let me explain properly? I think we need have a talk properly. But not like this."

Kenma looks at himself as he says the last sentence. He is still naked and dirty, all the cum, blood still on his body.   
Kuroo seems to just realized that. He didn't even clean Kenma after that. Is there any more mistakes out there that he hasn't made already. Possibly no.   
He mentally punched himself and without any word went to the bathroom. Turns on the tap to fill the bathtub. Hot water starts to pour in. Then adds a bath bomb. Wanted to add bath salt also, but Kenma is surely wounded and the salt gonna burn if it comes across to the wounds. Takes out a towel and runs it under hot water, while the bathtub was being filled. Drains the excess water from the towel and returns to the room.

Kenma is sitting there,confused. He sits beside him.

"Can you lay down please. I promise I won't do anything bad."

"Kuroo stop. I didn't say you'll do anything bad. Stop being paranoid of yourself."  
He says as he lays down.

"I don't trust myself anymore."  
Kuroo says in a small voice. And tries to pull Kenma's legs apart. But Kenma close them hurriedly. Kuroo pulls his hands back immediately. Afraid that he is scaring Kenma.

"See. You're also afraid. You don't trust me either, and you shouldn't really. I understand."

"Oh my God! I swear, if you say that one more time. Stop it already. And also, stop making things up in your head. I'm NOT scared of you. I'm just......... e-embarrassed."

Kenma says, looking away.

"What?"  
Kuroo asks. Puzzled look on his face.

"What what? You're literally pulling my leg wide apart. How else am I suppose to react?"

Kuroo doesn't know how to respond. It was so cute? Also arousal? Kenma is shy, but he already has seen everything, so why? He decides not to ask, there's a possibility of receiving a kick in the face, if he ask the question. So he opted for easing Kenma.

"I need to clean you Kitten. I should've done it right after we finished. It's not hygienic. On top of that you were bleeding, so there must be wounds, I don't want you to get any infection. Please baby, let me?"  
He says, placing a kiss on Kenma's left thigh. That, and the names of endearment makes Kenma to relax and he parts his legs. Lets Kuroo do the work. Kuroo notices the reaction Kenma gives when he uses the names. He smiles and takes the wet towel to clean.

But stops as soon as he sees between Kenma's inner thighs. Even though Kenma told him not to think things, he can't help but blame himself. Those wounds definitely do no look like love mark. It totally looks like wounds from torture. There's blood stain and the outside of the hole is really puffy, almost like teard. Did he even prepared him? But shakes those thoughts and begins to clean him up. Stared from the ankle, when he reaches the asscheck area Kenma gasps a little. Kuroo looks up and sees a painful expression on his face. Must be hurting.

"I'm sorry. I know it hurts. I'm sorry."

"Stop apologizing. You-"

"Please Kenma, at least let me apologize. Even if you don't hold grudges. For myself, please? I'm feeling guilty and the lest I can do is apologize."

Kenma sighs.

"If it makes you feel good, go ahead then. But just so you know, I'm not mad at you."

Kuroo goes back to what he was doing, and cleans Kenma initially. And cleans himself also. Picks Kenma up a in bridal style again, but this time carefully. Almost like carrying a infant. And puts him into the bathtub. Warm soap filled water engulfing him. Kenma sighs in relief.

"Wait a bit here. I'll be back." He says, placing a kiss on the smaller boys forehead.

He comes back to the room, and replaces bed sheet with a new one. It's totally ruined, definitely needs a cleaning. Takes it, the towel and their clothes to the washing machine's place, and puts them in the basket. Also strips from his pants and underwear. They need to be cleaned also. And goes back to the bathroom, cause he needs to be cleaned as well.   
But hesitates a bit, what if Kenma freaks out seeing him naked. But he wants to clean his kitten. He is too exhausted to do it himself properly.   
He enters the bathroom in a surrenderd motion.

"Can I join. I swear I won't-"

"I'm gonna throw this soap bar at your face if you finish that sentence. I'm _not_  traumatized by you. You can just touch me like you used to do, or if more if you want to you bottomless pot."

Kenma was getting redder as he was speaking. Kuroo doesn't say anything more, just goes into the bathtub and position himself behind Kenma. Back hugging him. Kenma just melts into his touch and lay his head on Kuroo's chest, closing his eyes.   
Kuroo suddenly remembers something.

"Kitten."

"Mnmm?"

"Did I...... Did I- did I....."

"Did you what?"

"Did I used condom or....." Kuroo says hesitatingly.  
Kenama's face heated up yet once again.

"I stopped you from using it. I didn't want that." He says in a small shy voice.   
Kuroo doesn't question why he stopped him, why he didn't wanted to use it. He knows Kenma is still really shy and would rather not answer the question.

"Did I cum inside or outside?"

"So vulgar. Can't you phrase it in a more proper way!"

"We've already done worse than that. And you are worried about phrasing it?"

"Kuroo!" Kenma whines. And Kuroo laughs.

"Okay okay sorry. But tell me, was it inside or outside?"

".........Inside......"

"Shit. Then you have to clean your inside baby. It's not okay to have that inside."

"It's not like I'm gonna get pregnant from it anyway."

At that Kuroo tensed up. Remembering what happened, and what Kenma yet to know.  
Kenma feels Kuroo's sudden stiffness.

"Kuroo? What happend? Did I say something wrong?"

He kisses the top of the blond's head.

"No baby, you didn't say anothing. Just, you do need to be cleaned. It's necessary. Can you do it by yourself? Have you- have you fingered yourself before?"  
Kenma wanted to disappear from embarrassment. Yes they have done far more than this, but _still_  it is embarrassing.

"N-no. It's always a little scary for me. So I-i, I've never done it on my own."

"O shit!" Kuroo panicked.

"What?" Kenma asked confusedly.

"You've never even touched yourself. And I. And l-"

"Not again. Kuroo you've prepared me beforehand."

"Doesn't matter! You know my size Kenma. And you're not a girl. It was anal. No wonder you were bleeding! God. A month is needed to prepare you, not a fucking night."

"You're setting a timer again. And a long one also."

"Yes I am. And I'm not going to break it this time. Cause it's important and necessary."

"So you won't touch me for a month?"

"Not that. I need to touch you to prepare you. I just won't.... Uh- you know.... Won't put my-"

"I get it. You don't have to elaborate." Kenma says hurriedly. Afraid of Kuroo's loose mouth.

"Then..... Should I- should I clean you?...." Kuroo says hesitately.

"Y-yeah."

Kuroo reach out between Kenma's leg. Kenma willingly opens his legs. Kuroo's hands parting the asschecks apart and a finger massaging over the hole. Kenma shivers, can't distinguish between pain and pleasure. He pushes one finger in, and it burns. Kenma let's out a whimper. Kuroo leans down and kisses on his lips.

"I know baby. It's gonna hurt. Endure a bit? And relax your body please. Otherwise it will be more harder."

Kuroo knows he needs to distract Kenma from it, otherwise he wouldn't be able to relax. So he grabs Kenma's length with other hand and starts to pump it slowly. Kenma let's out a moan. He starts to push the finger in and out. And when it was easy enough adds another finger, ease them by fucking into him. Kenma arches his back, head thrown back on Kuroo's chest. Kuroo starts to whisper sweet nothings into his ear.

"You are doing so well baby. So good for me. It'll be fine. You'll feel better."

When it's enough loose, begans to scissoring him, but Kenma suddenly closes his legs.

"No."

"What Kitten? I need to-"

"But water. G-going inside."

Ah! He's an idiot. They're still inside the tub. Although water will be needed to clean him up, but not like this.

"Ah, I forgot that we are still inside the tub. Let's go to the shower." Kuroo says, removing his fingers. Gets out of the tub and once again carries Kenma to the shower.

Kenma is facing the wall, back arched, hips on the air and legs spread out. Kuroo is kneeling down, between his legs. Scissoring him with one hand and pulling the checks apart with another. Cleaning the inside. Using shower head to flow water inside. Being careful, not wanting to hurt him even further.   
Kenma was already half hard. So Kuroo pumps him up and down and continues to clean. His legs becoming weaker. Soon white liquid covers the wall. Kenma cries out, almost falling, but Kuroo catches him before he could fall.   
Some times passes and his breathing finally becomes even.

"I thought it was supposed to be a cleaning thing." Kenma says pouting.

"I did clean you." Kuroo says, kissing the top of Kenma's forehead. "Just wanted to distract you from the pain and discomfort."

"It wasn't painful though."

"Don't even try to lie Kitten. Of course it did hurt. How can it won't? I think we should go to the hospi-"

"Okay enough. You stop there. We are not going anywhere. Go away now. Let me take a shower. "  
Kenma says, already shoving Kuroo out.

* * *

After cleaning up and eating a small breakfast, they sat together to talk things out.   
Kenma starts this time.

"Okay. So, I know that there's obviously a reason, as to why you drank yesterday. And I think that reason also made you insecure about our relationship? That's why you kinda did what you did."  
Kuroo nods, confirming that he's right.

"Well, we'll talk about what that later. First we should talk about what happend between us. I know you are feeling guilty, without knowing my side. So let me tell you from my perspective. Okay?"

"Okay."

"Listen, you were, not in your complete sence. But you weren't 100% gone either. You _did_  corner me, but also were ready to take everything back if I did forbid you properly. I, from my part, also half assed when I was "stopping" you." Kenma makes a quotation mark with his hands in a mocking manner. Implying that he wasn't even trying truly.   
"As I said before, I myself wanted it to happen. Maybe in not in that way. But I did want it. And about the fact that, you might have try to let out your frustration out through it, it's okay with me-"

"No." Kuroo says firmly. Kenma tries to protest but Kuroo stops him.

"I have to stop you here Kenma. No it's not okay. It definitely is not okay. Not towards you, not towards anyone. Don't forget who **_you_**  are as an individual." Kuroo gets closer to him, softly cupping his face in his hands.   
"Baby I know you love me. But You should not lost yourself in order to do so. If our relation is making _any_  of weaker as a person, then we are not doing things in the right way. Do you get what I'm trying to say?"

Kenma smiles and puts his hand on top of kuroo's.

"Yes. I do. I'm sorry. I shouldn't have lost my senses of judgement."

"And I shouldn't have lost my common sense. What I did was wrong. And I apologize."

"You are forgiven."   
Both of them smiles at that. Kuroo bump their foreheads lightly in a manner of adoration.

"Now I think you should tell me about what happened yesterday."

Kuroo's face kinda fall at that. Smile is no longer there. Instead a shadow of seriousness is there.

"You...... You won't leave me right? I swear I didn't do it intentionally." Kuroo says in a small shaky voice.   
It's strange how, a person who was talking so maturely, now talking like a scared little child. So Kenma tries to leave the adults world. And sooth both of their souls by singing a song in Kuroo's ear. He hugs him and sings, cause he knows something big is coming. It's not only for Kuroo, but for himself also.

> ~ _When it comes to you_  
>  _there's no crime._  
>  _Let's take both of our soul_  
>  _and intertwine_.~

Kuroo huffs and smiles. His heart beat is becoming even once again. Kenma pulls back and looks at him. Waiting for answer.

"Hanayo is pregnant. And it's my child."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm soft uwu. I'm really soft right now Also I just discovered that I actually really like writing fluff. Lol. After ALL the angst and smut, now I'm a fluff sucker. [rolls eyes at myself.] anyway, thank you for reading.


	17. House Of Cards

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi. So I had exams. My mid semester just happened. That's why it took a long time to update. Enjoy.
> 
> [Also listen to House of cards by BTS, when you are ready the last part.]

The room was already cold enough. Since they did not light the fire place. But for some reason Kenma is feeling more cold now. He's sure that he has worn warm clothing and there's a blanket over him. Still feels a cold iceline is running down his spine.

Like those dry leafs that are sucked dry by the extremely harsh weather and is now lifeless, falling of the tree and emptying it, he feels that emptiness inside of him. As if all the memories of them being together is crumbling down, turning into nothing. And that voice that he has been surpassing for _all this_  time, is coming back again. Whispering those cursed sentences again. He tries to surpass them again, he really does. But can't. It's now too loud to surpass.

> _"......a better future, a **real family**. His own **own**  child. He can have them **all**. You're the only obstacle. Step aside. Make the path so he can **go**......"_

All of a sudden his vision was blurry. Didn't realize why it is blurry. Then he feels Kuroo's palms on his cheeks, cupping his face and whipping away those tears that are trying to roll down his cheeks.  
He looks up to see Kuroo's face. There's various kinds of emotions going on, on that face of him. A mixer of concern, fear, guilt, and maybe hurt.

Kenma wants to speak. Want to tell him something. A lot of things actually. But he can't form any word. His throat is oddly sore, too broken to form any shot of word.

Instead of him, Kuroo speaks.

"Kenma ....... I know .... I know, how you are feeling. I myself didn't expect it either. And I swear Kenma I haven't hide _anything_  from you. I-I didn't knew about it when I went to Takayama to meet you. I swear."

Oh no, that's not it. Kenma thinks. He is not doubting Kuroo or anything. He knows him better than to think that.  
It's just.....all him, and himself only. All those hesitation, doubt is coming back.  
The thing that held him back from confessing in the first place.  
_"But homosexual couple can't have children. A total waste. They are missing the best thing of their life."_

And yes, it is true it's a blessing, having your own biological child. But there's alternate to that also, it's not the only option. Kenma has thought through all of it, rationally. And has overcome all the doubts.  
..............  
Or at least he thought he has had.

He doesn't doubt Kuroo, not at all. But he _does_  doubt himself and their......... relation.  
Yes the one thing he should have believe with all his heart and soul.

He didn't. There's always been demurral, in the back of his mind. And instead of addressing it, he has been trying to run away from it. In a hope that it will eventually go away with time.

It didn't. It's still is there. Just waiting for the right time to show up. And the present situation couldn't be better for it.  
He, actually has never thought that any of them will have their biological child in the first place. It's just too real. Too much.

"Kenma?"  
Kuroo is looking at him desperately. Searching for an answer.

"I'm not."

"Huh?"

"I don't doubt you Kuroo. It's just- it's-. Uff how to phrase it!"

Kuroo looks kind of amused at this. Kenma never struggles to convey his thoughts. It's true that he can't hold a conversation properly for a long time. But when it comes to, telling what is needed to be told, he's always on top of it. Never crumbles like that.

"It's okay Kitten, it's okay. We can take it slowly. After all this is something, neither of us even though we have to face for real. Take your time to think through it."

Ah, the way Kuroo always reads his mind.  
But he _needs_  to talk about everything. About his doubts, insecurities and-...... and the child. If Kuroo gives him time to let all this sink in, he is afraid that the voice that is getting louder with each passing second, is gonna engulf him completely.

"Nono. No. I don't need time. Please listen. I actually have to say a lot of things."

".... Are you sure? We can always-"

" No. Not later. Now. Now please."

Kuroo furrow his brows slightly, seems to be confused, to see Kenma this desperate.

"Okay, go on. I'm all ears."

"Are you happy with me?"

What. That's not what he meant to say. What kind of question even is this. Of course Kuroo gonna say yes. He should've asked Kuroo what he wants to do with the baby. He's begin totally selfish now.  
Even Kuroo seems to be taken aback by the question.

"What? Why is that question Kenma? Of course I'm. Can't you- can't you just tell?"  
He does a weird hand movement between them. Trying to convey his message strongly.

"You won't leave me. Will you?"

Not again. That's not what he should have said.

" No. Definitely not! What the- WHY would I!?!"

Kuroo seems desperate almost, and frustrated.

"Then- then, what you'll do with the baby?"

Kuroo didn't miss the way Kenma is saying "You" instead of "We" now.

"Kenma, if I need to, I'll definitely take full custody of the baby. I know it's still really early for us to have a child, but.... you-you wouldn't want it?"

Kuroo is looking at him sheepishly. Almost pleadingly.  
And Kanma is suddenly lost for word. He hasn't take it to consideration yet. But of course he wouldn't refuse to take care of the baby.  
Hell, why are they even thinking about this right now? they should be thinking about Hanayo right now. Hate her or love her, she is the one who is carrying the baby. She has the maximum authority to make decisions right now.

"Kuroo I think you are forgetting something. Shouldn't you be thinking about Hanayo right now?"

" What?"

"I said the priority should be Hanayo, not me."

_Slow down. Not like this. He's gonna misunderstand. We are gonna end up miscommunicate and fight. Not the time_

"How is Hanayo is the priority?"

Kuroo says in a calm voice. But you can very clearly hear the up coming strom hidden under the calmness.  
  
"What do you mean how. **She**  is the one carrying the child. Like it or not **she**  is the one who's gonna decide what will be our future. If-

Kenma gets choked up.

if we'll be able to call it 'our' future or not."

"Kenma!" Kuroo whisper shouts. Can't believe the thing he was afraid of is happening.

"What do you mean, we can't call it our future?! Of course we can. Why-"

"let the reason clear to you?! She is pregnant with _**your**_  child. That's _**your**_  responsibility damn it! You can not just run away from it."

" When I ever said I'm gonna run away from it! I said-"

" You said we are gonna rais it together. And forgot about the person who is actually carrying the child? How can you say that?"

"Are you being serious right now Kenma?"

No he's not. The whisper inside of his head is far too strong. And pushing him without his consent.

"It's HANAYO! Are you forgetting about all she has done? Are you forgetting that _this_ situation is also being created just for her doing!"

Both of them are far too heated for a normal conversation. Kuroo is now standing up from the rage. They can't carry on like this. This is not what was supposed to happen. They were suppose to talk about everything slowly, rationally.

"It doesn't matter. You cannot just cut the mother of the child out like this!"

"Mother my ass. Tell me which mother in this world is willing to and _is_  playing with their unborn child?!"

"How is she playing? Don't just make things just because you hate her!"

_Stop stOP STOP! Kuroo never tells make up stories. You know him better than that!_

"Kenma what's wrong with you! I'm telling make up stories? How can you say that"

Kuroo sounds totally heart broken at that. And why wouldn't he?

And instead of correcting himself and apologizing, Kenma gets up angrily, ignoring the pain in his lower half, and storming into his room, closing the door behind.

"Kenma!"

Kuroo calls after him, but he's too heated to answer that.

Not even 15 minutes earlier he was ensuring Kuroo to go ahead and tell whatever it was happening. Telling him, he won't leave his side no matter what. And he himself believed that. Not knowing out of everything _this_  will happen.  
He still believes in Kuroo and willing him to support, stay by his side.

But the thing is, it's not him that is talking or taking actions. It's that cursed voice inside that has taken over. And has eaten the best of him. Now he can't do anything but be controlled by it.

  
"Kenma! Please open the door. I'm sorry. But don't just walk away. We _**need**_  to talk. Specially in this situation. Kenma!"

"I don't think any of us is ready for talking right now. Leave it alone for now please!" Kanma shouts back.

  
And it's true. Any more words between them and they'll probably end up murder someone.  
Thankfully Kuroo's phone rings at that time. And he prays to all deity that it's anyone but Hanayo, and the entity seems to be listening to him. Cause it's from his office. Even though he thought he'd take the day leave, it's urgent. So he doesn't urge Kenma further, rather leaves for work.  
Kenma sigh in relief. Didn't realize actually how stressful it was. Thinking that it is for the good. He'll clear his head in the meantime and they'll get over this argument and overall this situation. Being oblivious of the fact that he has mistaken this silence as the silence after a strom. Didn't even realize it was actually the silence before the big storm.

* * *

 

  
He can't believe he's actually sitting across this person. Sipping on his cup.

_**Bad decision** _

He hears a voice telling in his head, but decides to ignore. It's too late now. And he has seen something that has made things even more real (worse).

The person he is facing now seems _so_ different from, all the deeds she has done. No one will believe you, if you say she is the same person who has blackmail a person for months and take every advantage she could. And now is pregnant with the said person's unplanned child.

  
Hanayo has called him right after Kuroo left for work. He doesn't know how Hanayo got his number, but didn't ask. And when Hanayo called him and asked him to come meet here, he was about to refuse, since you know she has done **_some_**  things. But couldn't refuse since it's not only about them anymore.  
Also since Kenma isn't someone who gets manipulated by people easily. He only believes in what actually is happening. He has faith in himself.

Or at least that is what suppose to happen.

  
"Why have you ask me to meet here? What is so important that couldn't be discuss over the phone?" Kenma says in a clam and slow manner.

They're currently sitting in a setting that is different than the most other coffee shop. Their sitting table is separated from other tables by partition. All the other tables as well set in the same manner. It's a really private place. He wonders if Hanayo has choose this place on purpose. Probably.

He sees Hanayo opens her mouth to speak but stops suddenly. Seems like she has noticed something. Kenma's hand subconsciously goes to the place she was looking. And, oh, how can he forget. His almost hole body is cover in marks that Kuroo has left on. The weather is still cold and he is wearing sweater, but the marks on his throat can still be seen. He tries to cover it up. Doesn't quite understand the certain feel that he is feeling, after Hanayo seeing that mark.  
Why is he feeling happy? And kinda proud even? Why seeing envy on Hanayo's face makes him feel like he has own some short of game. Exactly like when he used to play. Isn't that childish? But he doesn't care anyway. Lets the feelings wash over him. From this morning enough shit has happened, and he has already made more than 1 dumb choices, so he can't be bothered by this now.

In the meantime, Hanayo has gathered herself enough to start talking again.

"Yes, indeed. This is something that couldn't be talked over phone." She says in a soft voice, sighing slightly.

Kenma kind of looks at her properly. Trying to figure out if she is really as sincere as she sounding like. Or at all, matter of fact.  
He can't tell. He really can't. She is like a totally new person compare to the last time he saw her. From get up to her attitude, everything is different. Instead of extravasated clothing and makeup, she is wearing a really normal clothing and minimal makeup. The outfit is is so simple, it almost seems like a outfit you'll wear at home. Guess her baby bump making it hard to choose a very outgoing type of outfit. But Kenma definitely is not judging her. Not at all. It's just makes her look more believable? Can't tell if it also is her planning or not.

"Then go ahead, and tell me whatever you wanted to talk about."

Kenma says, taking another sip from the cup.

"Umm, has Kuroo-San told you about it?"

She says, putting a hand on his bump. Indicating the baby. Kanma doesn't miss the way she is calling Kuroo by his last name, not the first one. Like she did it last time.

He nods only, confirming that indeed Kuroo told him about it. But doesn't mention the disaster that happened right after that. She doesn't need to know, definitely not.

"Well, I want to talk to you about this actually. That's why I asked you to meet."

"But why me? Shouldn't you talk to Kuroo instead? He is the father after all. I'm not."

"But he won't listen to me. That's why I need your help."  
She sounds restless, helpless almost. And Kenma does not like that at all. He doesn't like it when people pleads to him. He just doesn't know what to do in this kind of situation.

"What can I do to help you anyway? I don't think I have any say to this. It's totally between you two."

And he is right, only telling the truth. Even if he wanted, he possibly couldn't have done anything about it.

"Kanma-San, please don't say that. I know I've done enough things in the past to be treated badly, trust me I know. But-but my child."

To kenma's horror, Hanayo was crying.  
A soon to be mother is crying because she is concerned about her unborn child. Who in this planet Earth would judge her now? How can you? If you even try to apply any logic here, you'll look like an asshole. Kenma doesn't have any choice but to believe her.

He tries to console her, and make her stop crying. Cause honestly he is starting to feel really bad. It's a good thing that they are in a private set up like this. Otherwise people would for sure stare at them. Thankfully she stops crying. Kenma tries to arrange his words properly, trying his best to not to hurt Hanayo by any means.

"So...... Have you- have you talk to Kuroo about this? I mean I assume you have told him about all this just the other day. So have you got the chance to talk?"

Kenma asks. Speaking of that, it reminds him that out of any other day Hanayo has specifically choose Valentine's Day to tell Kuroo the news. She really is making it hard to believe her.

And as if hearing kenma's thoughts, Hanayo speaks.

"Yes indeed. I've told him the news yesterday. And I know what you are thinking. That out of any other day,why that day."

"I mean it's not a invalid question now is it?"

"No, absolutely not. Anyone would question that. And I don't know how believeable I'm. But to be honest I did it because I couldn't hold it anymore. Yesterday's special day honestly was my breaking point. All of that was the result of my flimsyness."

"So what do you want **me**  to do?"

  
"I want to give this baby a proper family. And I know it's totally wrong of me to say, but please, give him back to me."

...  
...  
...

When they finished talking and was the time to leave, Kenma's head was already heavy with many thoughts.

If he saw the reflection of Hanayo, when he was leaving the Café, he could have seen the curved smile on her face. Not so sincere and innocent. But pure blish of winning a dirty game.  
He missed it, along with the chance of getting out of this mess.

* * *

 

  
"Kenma, Kenma are you seriously gonna keep doing this? We haven't talk for 3 days already. Come on, please open the door."

There's no response from the other side. The door is still locked. Kuroo sighs.

"Kenma I've apologized multiple times. Even after that I'm ready to hear whatever you wanna say. Just please open the door and come out."

"...... I need some time more. I'll talk when I feel okay."

Finally there's an answer. But Kuroo's heart ache from hearing the tone of kenma's voice. It's harsh, definitely from crying. Kenma is crying just outside of the door. And here he is standing, so close to him, but unable to do anything. He almost has a thought of breaking the door and going inside. And hugging the soul out of his boyfriend. But doesn't do it. If Kenma wants to take some time, so be it. He can not just force things.

"Okay then, let me know when you want to talk."

He says, going back to his room.  
The one thing he really does want to know about is, what happened between him and Hanayo. He knows that they have met that day, but doesn't know exactly what they talked about.  
Well for sure he can main topic of their conversation, but beyond that, nothing else.  
And that is what killing him. Why oh why she had called Kenma to meet? It's kind of scary to think what she might have told him.  
He has tried to contact Hanayo, but her phone was on voice message. He even went to her house but she wasn't there. All these things making him even more concern. But the only option he has right now is to wait.

* * *

* * *

 

_Stop thinking about it! It's stupid. It's bullshit! No no no NO! STOP!_

_**But is it though? Doesn't everything finally starting to make sense right now? Look! It's for the better. Why can't you understand! Don't be so blind and selfish. It's for the better. Don't you remember what she said**_.

>   
>  "Kenma-San, all the things that I've done in the past is all because I love him. I want him. I know, I know it was really wrong of me doing so. But I-I was desperate. I _really_  love him. And the baby wasn't my plan I swear. But now that I have it..... I want to give it a real family. With the person I love. I truly do love him. And-and he himself will get a **_proper family_**. His **_own_**  child."

**_His_ own _remember? A_ real _family_**. It whispers again. It's killing him.

  
"And about what you what said about the fact that he doesn't love me. When you are building a family, love isn't the only thing you need. Think about the people who gets married arranged. Don't they fall in love along the way? All I am saying is that he'll fall in love eventually. But first I _need_  him. But _you are there_."

Those words stab Kenma both in the heart and brain. Making the toxic voice in his mind even stronger.  
He is now almost under it's mercy.

**_You hear her right? The only thing in the way is Y_ ou. _Love isn't the only thing that is needed. Family is more important. Move away. Let him have his family._**

  
"Shut up!" Kenma cries out loud. Chocking on a moan that just escaped.

He is lying on his bed, half naked. Three fingers buried inside himself. Opening himself loose. A single tear rolling across the face.  
He removes the finger, ignoring the way it feels so empathy. Wipes his hands clean with the tissue. He's only wearing a shirt. A big shirt, nothing else. ............. Kuroo's shirt. The shirt is almost covering his knees, almost.

He rolls off of the bed and opens the door. Straight goes to Kuroo's room. It's dark. He is sleeping, of course. It's late.  
Kenma slowly walks to him, climbs on the bed. And suffles into Kuroo's blanket. Climbs on top of him. Knees either side of Kuroo's chest. Sits on him, and stares at him. Eventually he wakes up.

"Kenma?" He says in a sleepy and confused voice.

"What-what are you doing here,like this?" He gesture the way Kenma is sitting on top of him. Yet to register that Kenma is half naked, only wearing his long ass shirt.

He tries to get up but Kenma pushes him down. Forbidden him to get up.  
He leans in and kisses him. Kuroo is confused at first, but reciprocate him soon. Opening his mouth, and letting Kenma take the lead. Kenma deepens the kiss. Kuroo's hands comes up to rest them on Kenma's waist. And he realizes that Kenma isn't wearing anything down there. Totally naked. He gets surprised and pulls back from the kiss.

"You are not wearing anything. Only a shirt-" He looks carefully at the shirt. It's his shirt. When did he even take the shirt.

"It's my shirt....." He finishes.

Kenma sits straight up.

"Yes, and yes. Now fuck me." Kenma says calmly. Like it's nothing.

But Kuroo almost chock at the words. Unable to comprehence if this is the same person who has lost his virginity not even a week ago, by him. And haven't have sex since them. How can he be so up front.

"Are you by any chance drunk Kitten?"

"Why would I be? Can't I ask my boyfriend for sex? You don't want it?"

" What? No, I mean yes. Why would I-"

Even before he could finish his sentence, Kenma was gone from where he was sitting, and is now pulling his pj off, grabbing his length. Kuroo was almost shocked at Kenma's behavior. Why is he doing things like this? And before he could think any further Kenma is already pumping his length up and down. Trying to make it hard.

"Ah! Kenma. Kenma, listen. We haven't talk yet. I think now is not the time for it. And besides I told you we are not having sex fully, for at least 2 month."

Kenma looks at him with something in his eyes, Kuroo can't really tell what is.

"I don't care." Is all he says. And goes back to what he was doing.

But this time gives a kittenish lick on top of the head. Kuroo almost jerks away at the sudden wetness and moan.

"Don't get up. Just lie down there. I wanna ride you." Kenma says when Kuroo starts to get up yet again.

Kuroo doesn't even know how to feel. All of these are so hot, from Kenma's attitude to the way he is trying to make him hard (and of course succeeding). And the way he has dressed up. Everything. Everything.

But at the same time the way they're doing it is not right at all. It's really comical at this point, their sex life that is. Up to this point The only 2 times they're about to do it, every time it's either out of hatred, sorrow or anger. The real way, and purpose is never there.

In the meantime Kenma has already started to bobbing his head up and down on Kuroo's cock. He is fully hard now. Kenma is taking as much as he can. Almost chocking.

"Don't go too far." Kuroo says in between moan.

"Also you need to be prepared. Let me." Kuroo says reaching for the bedside table.

"I've already done it."

"What?"

"I've already prepared myself. And also cleaned myself."

Kuroo doesn't know how to respond to that. But his dick seems to know, cause it twitch at that and gets even harder.

  
"How big will you get?" Kenma asks amused.  
Kuroo laughs.

"Maybe more than that. That's why I'm telling you, let me prepare you further more."

"But I want to suck you. I didn't last time."

Kenma says so easily and innocently that Kuroo almost cum. Almost. Does he really not know what he is doing by saying things like this? Or is he just this slutty naturally?

"Ok, well do it if you want. We can do 69 position."

Kenma seems to like the idea. He release the cock with a pop, and Kuroo almost lose is compulser at that.

"Come here." Kuroo calls him.

Kenma goes back to where he was. But this time sits oppositely. Back towards Kuroo. He lies on top of him. Reaching for the cock again. And exposing his hole to Kuroo in the process.  
Kuroo just sucks in a breath, seeing the view in front of him. Kenma was telling the truth. He infact has prepared. He can see the lube even on the outside. Still, there's nothing call to much preparation. He reaches out for the lube and pour it on his fingers and warms it up. Pushes the first finger experimentally. It goes inside without any resistance at all. He can feel Kenma's moan, it vibrates on his cock and sends him pleasure. He puts another one in and starts scissoring. Finds the bundle of nerves that sends socks of pleasure to him. Kenma moans louder. Kuroo keeps thrusting. And sooner he adds another finger. Stretching him even more. And the fourth one. Which makes Kenma whimper. And Kuroo thinks how this tightness and wormth will feel around his cock. Well Kenma's mouth is already hot and wet, but inside is even more.

"Enough. I want it inside." Kenma says wiggling his hip.

Kuroo doesn't resist, cause Kenma is enough prepared. He removes the fingers, and sees the hole gaping over nothing. He isn't seeing it for the first time, still it makes him amazed.  
Kenma moves over and repositions himself. Position himself over Kuroo's cock. Kuroo looks at him, amused. He holds the cock and lining it to his entrance. About to try and sink in, but Kuroo holds him.

"Wait. We are gonna use condom this time. It's not good to come inside. You're still pretty raw."

Kuroo says reaching over the drawer once again to grab condom.

"Yeah, it's no good. A total waste."

Kenma says suddenly, surprising both Kuroo and himself.

"What?" Kuroo asks surprised. Holding the condom in hand.

"Nothing, just hurry up."

"Wait kitten. Why so impatient."

He says, rolling the condom over his length and lubing it up. Kenma settles on top of him again. This time lining and pushing the shaft inside. He grimacing his face from the sudden stress.  
Kuroo puts his hands either side of his waist to hold him.

"Slow down. Don't rush. It's a lot to take. Literally."

Kenma slows down. Easing himself into it. Pushing inches by inches. Both of them moaning at the sensation. Finally push it all the way in.  
It feels even deeper than last time. And Kenma doesn't know how is that possible. Maybe the position.  
After taking it all the way in and taking some time to adjust, he starts to move. Riding him, bouncing up and down. He leans forward to kiss Kuroo. Going from his lips to neck. And suddenly something riled up inside him. He starts to bite Kuroo's neck and digging his nails in his flesh. Kuroo moans.

"K-kenma, what happened? Are you doing this for any particular reason baby?"

"Mine." Kenma says in between biting. It's muffled, so Kuroo couldn't hear it properly.

"What?" Kuroo asks.

"Mine. Mine! MINE. MINE! YOU'RE MINE. IT'S OUR HOME. IT'S A REAL HOUSE. IT'S NOT PLAY HOUSE. ..... **hic**  our home isn't a sand castle. I didn't made this house out of cards. It's not gonna just fall apart.... **hic**."

Kuroo holds him and sits up.

"Kenma, tell me what happened? What the hell she told you." He says, weeping the tears away and placing a kiss on his cheek.

"Let's talk first, we can do this later." He says, almost pulling out. But Kenma cries out, and tightens around his cock.

"No. No! Please don't. Please, I want you. I wanna feel you. Wanna mark you. Want to get marked up by you. And-and I know I can't give birth but please I want you come inside, without the condom. I know it's a waste. But please." He's desperate

"Kenma what are you saying. I also can't give birth. Why are you taking about waste here. Do people have sex only to make child? She-"

"Don't talk about it, don't talk about her. I just want you. Want to feel you deep inside. Please just fuck me. Everything else later."  
His little dirty talk seems to work on Kuroo.

Cause he's now pinning him down and on top of him. He pulls back his dick out and rips the condom out. And pushes the bare dick inside.

The rest of the time they sepnd by violently marking each other. And roughly fucking. Cause for the love of everything, Kuroo is a weak man when it comes to Kenma, and Kenma himself was asking for it.

By the end of it both of them were proudly and clearly carrying the proof of their love-making (debatable). And due to kenma's request, Kuroo doesn't pic the topic again, leaves it for tomorrow. Only cleans them and puts the clothes back on. Tugs Kenma inside the blanket, and finally sleeps.

He didn't tell Kenma then, but no their house isn't made of cards. It's not gonna fall apart this easily.

 

.......................

At least that's what he pray for.

 

 

 

 

 

 


	18. Saudaded Of The Ephemeral

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was heavily inspired by YakuLev_Trash. Her fic Haikyuu Petals's a particular chapter, where Kuroo's backstory came. I liked the chapter so much. And from then I started to make the plot (Lol plot. I can't...). So thanks to her. Go read her fic, it's so so so much more better than this one.
> 
>  
> 
> [ I tried to add a link to her fic, but failed. I'm so useless.]

It's the same thing all over again.

Here he's again. Sitting across the person, he would rather not be around with. But there wasn't many options to begin with.

At least he did his best to delay this, for 14 days. And in these 14 days, he and Kuroo has been living like nothing has happened at all. Avoiding the big elephant in the room. But apparently it has to stop. And it did, when Hanayo called him up, and made it clear that she isn't happy with the current situation. Of course she is not. Who would be? Being pregnant with a person's child who doesn't even care about you. Not only that, but he is living with his boyfriend, happily.

Although, one thing he knows for sure, Kuroo wants the child. But he certainly is not working according to his want.  
To be honest no one knows what to do. And dealing with Hanayo is not the easiest thing in the world.

But one thing for sure, he won't fall for Hanayo's trick anymore. One time was enough for him to realize what he was doing wrong.  
He has realized how utterly stupid it is to think about leaving Kuroo. And for a person like her, no less.  
And the one thing left is...

"What do you want? Just say it clearly." Kenma says in a calm yet strong voice. And sees Hanayo looks up, from where she was probably looking at one of his hickeys.

"Pardon?"

"I said what you want? About this whole situation."

"I thought I've already told you? The last time we met, we have talked about it, right?"

"About what? That I'll leave Kuroo, so that you can get together with him?"

"...Yes?"

" You really think that's gonna work? How stupid do you think am I?"

Hanayo is clearly surprised by Kenma's way of talking. She hasn't seen him talking this sternly. So she tries to calm him by acting like the innocent girl.

"Kenma-San I didn't mean to say it that-"

Too late.

Kenma hold his hand up and signal her to stop.

"You don't need to break down what you mean by it. I'm capable well enough to get it. But I think you didn't realize that, the person you need to talk to with isn't me, but someone else."

"What? I told you-"

" I think I also told you that I'm not the child's father here. Whatever. I realize you won't talk to him by yourself, so I asked him to come today."

Hanayo doesn't even get to react to that. Cause the moment Kenma finishes his sentence, Kuroo enters the Café and makes a beeline towards their table. He shortly greets them and sits down beside Kenma.  
It's almost ridiculous how, time changes things. Things can take a total 180 turn. Like now.

Last time, Kenma was the one to sit alone, opposite of the table.

  
"Let's get things shorted out. It's been a long drama. Things need to end." Kuroo says, not beating around the bush at all.

"What? What is needed to short out? If you want the baby you obviously need to listen what I want. You have to marry me." Now Hanayo was talking like her real self, not caring Kenma is here, and she might need to put up a mask.

"I don't. I really don't. And you know it. _You_  decided to keep the baby without even informing me. You didn't inform me that you are pregnant. It was all one-sided. And now you are demanding for a forced relation? You know I can take this shit to court, to short out properly. Do you really want it?"

" Are you trying to threaten me? I'm the one who's gonna get the advantage, you know that right? **_I_** ** _'m_**  pregnant with a child, not you. And it's your fucking child. So you have to take responsibility."

"I know. And of course I will take responsibility, and custody after that. I'll pay for all the expenses till the birth, and after that I'll take the baby in. But won't put up with your bullshit. _You know_  that is gonna happen when we go to court right? They won't force a marriage, definitely not. Also when they will look into your history, they definitely won't let you have the child's custody."

Hanayo is visibly burning with anger. Ready to rip someone's throat. Her plan is crumbling down. She suddenly stands up and proceed to go.

"Wait. Where are you going. We are not done talking."

"I'm done. I don't want to talk anymore." She says, and before Kuroo could say anything further, she leaves.

"That did not go how we wanted it to go. You should have talk a bit more patiently." Kenma says with a sigh.

"I wanted to. But every time she speaks all my resolve vanishes."

"So what's now?"

"I'll try to talk to her later I guess. Let's go now."

 

* * *

 

  
A couple of days later Kenma receives a package, that is sent addressing Kuroo. He doesn't open it, waits for Kuroo to arrive. When he comes back home they open it together.  
To their surprise there are lots of ultrasound picture of a baby? Also a DVD. They found letter from the box also.

They both take a look at the photos. It is the first time they are seeing the baby's ultrasound. And it just makes Kuroo wanting to have the child even more. It's much more real, now that he has seen the pictures. But before playing the DVD they opens the letter.

> _Thought you would like to have the last remaining of your child. Have them. Since she won't be here by the time you read this_.

Both of them sit there, not knowing what to do. Did she _**really**_  did it? It can't be real. A person can't really be that crul, can they?

"Play the DVD, Kenma."

Kenma hesitates for a second. Not sure if it a wise decision to play the DVD. Cause God knows what's in it. She is beyond imagination.

"You sure?"

"Yes."

 

And, surely. It was a bad decision. Kenma couldn't bear anymore. Tears threaten to escape. He could only imagine how Kuroo is feeling.

It is a recording of the ultrasound of the baby. They can hear her heart beat. They can see her movement. Her tiny hands and legs. Knowing very well what has happened to this unborn soul.

Eventually Kuroo broke into tears. Shaking uncontrollably. And cursing himself.

"I'm. I'm the reason my child has to die. I'm the fucking reason. I killed her. I KILLED HER."

Kenma is immediately by his side, holding him tightly, to prevent him from shaking, as well as to console him.

"No you didn't. You haven't done anything Kuroo."

" Yes. Yes, I haven't done anything to save her. If only...... If only had I listen to what Hanayo wanted me to do....only......."

"Stop it Kuroo. You yourself know that nothing would change it. She was only using the child to get what she wanted."

"Still..... still Kenma...."

At the end Kenma couldn't hold back his tears either. They sat there. Holding each other, so beyond helpless. The video still playing.

 

  
_I love you, I love you_  
_Like a fool, like soldier_  
_Like a movie star_  
_I love you, I love you_  
_Like a wolf, like a king_  
_Like a man that i am not_  
_You see, i love you like this_  
_You see, I love you like this_

_Je t'aime, je t'aime_

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So..... I'm sorry.......
> 
> The next chapter will be Epilogue and last chapter.


	19. Euphoria

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So..... It's the Epilogue. I don't know how successful I was executing the finishing. Okay Let's talk at the end note.  
> But before that some info.
> 
> 1)The Birthday Date, 18th February (You will realize what I'm talking about while reading) isn't a random date. 18th February is Jung Hoseok aka J-Hope from BTS's birthday. As I mentioned before I'm trash for BTS. Also Hoseok's personality is bright and cheerful, which totally matches with the person's birthday in the fic. So....
> 
> 2) Whileing the chapter I realized I made a mistake-ish? I accidentally gave the same name, to two different person. At this point I was almost done. So changing everything would've been a hassel. And seems like it wasn't worth it. So I kept it.
> 
> That's it. Read now. ^_^

It's already middle of February. Winter is in its full form. But it'll start to warm up eventually.

Seems like the new year celebration was just the other day. And it's already 2 months into the new year. Vacations are over and people are back in their office again whether they want it or not.  
Which means waking up early in the cold morning.

But for them, they have to wake up early in the morning, whether there's office or not.

_~WUAAAAAA~_

Here it is.

Kuroo wakes up immediately. He throws the blanket out, and ignores the shiver that runs through his hole body. He makes a beeline towards the room, that formally belongs to Kenma. The room, that has been transferred into his treasure room. Where he keeps the light of his life.

A light, that is getting more and more bright as the days are passing. A light that has erased the darkness of the past. Has made the bond between him and Kenma even stronger, tie them together and made them a _Family._

_~Uuuuaaaaa~_

"Yes yes. I am here."

Aa soon as he appears in front of the crib, tiny tiny hands start to make grabby hands. Jumping a little and almost falling down, but before that could happen, a pair of big strong hand catches the tiny bundle of energy.

Kuroo pickes his baby up and nuzzles her. And she giggles.

"Aren't you a little too energetic this early in the morning, huh?" He nuzzles her again, she only giggles in reply.

"Let's get you changed first, then we'll have breakfast. Okay?"  
She makes two types of noises, one sad, another happy.

Kuroo chuckles at that. She hates getting changed, but is eager to eat. She starts to wail again when she gets changed. Kuroo makes it fast and picks up his sulky baby.

"It's done. It's done. I'm sorry. Let's go eat now."

He isn't going to wake Kenma up just yet, but as soon as he is passing their room she starts crying again. Throwing her hand towards his and Kenma's room.

"Pa pa pa. Paaapa."

"But he is still sleeping."

"Noooooooooooooo. Pa pa."

Kuroo sighs.

"Okay okay. Let's wake him up. You must be really missing him."

"Mish pa pa."

Kuroo chuckles again. For him this child is the cutest child in the world.

He puts her down on the bed and she starts crawling towards Kenma, who is still wrapped up in a cocoon. She starts to lightly slap Kenma's face, and his face scrunches up. He slowly opens his eyes, sleep still heavy on them.

"PA PA." She brightens up, just like her name.

And, all of Kenma's sleep is gone in an instant. He untangles from the blanket and picks her up, brings her inside the blanket.

"Hika-chan. You are up already." He kisses her cheeks and she giggles.

Kuroo stands there, smiling from ear to ear. His chest swells with warmth and happiness. Even if he has seen this interaction many times before, it still makes him as happy as the first time, if not even more. And he knows it will keep making him the happiest person on this planet in the upcoming days also.

"I didn't want to wake you up yet. But Hikari was crying for you."

"It's okay. Have you fed her yet?"  
As if to answer his Hikari's tummy starts grumbling. Both of them laugh at that.

"Hope you got your answer. Can you look after her when I make her formula?"

"Sure." He smiles at Kuroo. Kuroo kisses Kenma on top of his forehead before leaving.  
Or at least tries to leave. Because Hikari starts to wail again. Displeased by the fact that only his Papa got a kiss. They laugh again. And both of them kisses either side her cheeks. And Kuroo goes to the kitchen.

"Wow Hika-chan, you are really are a jelly little bean, aren't you."  
Kenma playfully complains and tickles her a little. She breaks into giggles yet again. She's a really happy child. Always giggling. And bright like a sunflower.

They are glad. They really are. This little sunflower has changed their life completely. Saved them from that neverending maze of regret and pity.

  
They can still recall those days. 5 years ago, it was one of the hardest things they had to go through. The truma of losing the baby broke Kuroo completely. Kenma tried, he really tried his best to stay by Kuroo's side. But that incident twisted him completely. He wasn't himself anymore. He couldn't trust people anymore. Things were so worse that, they even thought about breaking up.

Yes. Thought.

"Da da dadada."

Kenma chuckles. Their daughter is really demanding. Already missing her Dad.

"What is it? You don't need me anymore? You want Dad now?"

Hikari makes a unpleasant face at that.

"Pa pa da da pa pa pa da."

Kenma picks up what she was trying to say. Their little sun wants both of them together.

"Is that so? You want both of ours attention? Let's go then."

  
Kuroo has just finished making the formula when Kenma enters the kitchen with the baby.

"Give her to me. You should go and start getting ready. You have to go, right?"  
Kenma makes a face at that and whines. Kuroo just smiles at that. He takes Hikari and starts feeding her. She's eating eagerly.

"I know you don't wanna go, but nothing can be done, right? At least I'm with her. You don't need to worry."  
He hugs Kenma with his free hand and kisses his forehead.

"If only......"

If only. If only in the family register they were registered as a family. If only the country could have allowed them to adopt a child 'together'. If only, Hikari wasn't only 'Hikari Kuroo'. If only......

"Kenma.... We've talked about it, didn't we?"

" Yes. Yes we have." Kenma says simply.

Yes, they have talked. About every possible thing about the adoption. They've taken the decision after considering all the pros and cons. Kenma is still doing his PhD, so it would have been a bad choice if, Kenma adopted the baby. Because he couldn't take the parents leave, like Kuroo is taking now.

But he isn't upset about that at all. He is, happy in fact, that Hikari is Hikari **Kuroo**. The only thing is that, they can't legally be parents together. It's either Kuroo or him.  
In the future, they do want to have another child. And that child will be adopted by Kenma. They've decided that together. But again, it's always one of them.

"Kenmaaa...." Kuroo sighs again.

"Stop thinking about that useless thing. Yes we can not be legally a family on the family register. So what? Will that stop either of us from loving Hikari? Or is it that Hikari won't love one of us? Kenma, **we ~~~~ ~~~~**can not get married either, does that mean we don't think we are husbands already?" Kuroo gives a cheeky smile and wiggles his eye brows. And Kenma's lips tug upward a little. Also a little blush creeps up to his cheeks.

"Shut up."

"UubuUuu." Hikari clearly isn't liking her parents flirting.

"Hehe. She doesn't approve."

"Who will? You are too cheeky."

"Okay. Okay I am. But please go wash up now, or you'll be late."

"Mmmm 'Kay."

 

* * *

 

Kenma turns on the shower and lets the hot water run on his skin. And his mind brainstorms about what Kuroo has just said. And on a second thought, he is right.

  
Marriage is beautiful. Being the registered guardian of your child is wonderful. But the most beautiful thing is being able to love.

The first humans, who loved each other and made a family of their own, did *they* needed anything other than that? We humans have gotten civilized over the years and have built these rules. Which has happened to be only for the majority. The minority has been left behind. No need to worry, we will get even more civilized and will include those who are left behind. And for the time being, just hold on to the love and trust.

Why wouldn't he? They are blessed in so many ways. To think that their families have actually accepted them. Kenma's family didn't make any fuss. They expected them warmly. It was Kuroo's family that was a bit hard to get through. But theyhad melted down totally when they adopted Hikari. And also, they have so many supportive friends. Sometimes he even forgets that they live in Japan. A country where their relationship is a taboo.

How can they remember, when he is surrounded by so many big hearted people? It's hard to remember on Christmas day both of their families celebrate together with them, with their little sunshine in the middle of the attention and affection. It's hard to remember when their friends say they are envious of their relationship, of their sweet little family. It's hard to remember, when they had welcomed the new year, together with their daughter for the first time. It's hard to remember when they are so lost into their own world.

"Kenmaaaaa~"

"Coming."

 

* * *

* * *

 

"Stop making the face already. Both of you. I've raised kids before, in case you guys didn't know." She gives a look at Tetsuro and Kenma.

"But 'Kaa-san." Tetsuro whines again. Unwilling to leave their daughter.

"It's just for 2 days! Do you really not trust your mother? I've raised you and your brother. Go have fun, just the two of you. It's the first time since Hika-chan was taken in that you guys are going somewhere. What's the problem?"

 **That**  is the problem. It's the first time that they are going for a small vacation/relaxation without Hikari. Yes it's only for 2 days, but..... Initially they wanted to take Hikari with them, but taking care of her and traveling isn't easy. And since the weather is still cold, they don't want her to catch a cold.

"But-"

"No buts. I'll probably take care of her better, than you."

"No you won't." Kuroo says. Clearly offended. His mother chuckles at that.

"Don't be so offended. All I am saying is, you two don't need to worry. Just go and enjoy yourselves. You guys need the break. And you're not even going that far. It's just near Tokyo. Come on!"

They both sigh simultaneously. Mrs Kuroo is right after all. They know it, yet.......

"Ahh! new parents." This time their mother sighs. "I know it's hard to let out of your sight, specially when you are a new parent. Trust me I know. But you are leaving her to a person who is more experienced being a parent. Now go or else I will have to kick you guys out."

"Are you seriously gonna kick your son out of his house." Kuroo says while pouting.

" Yes, I will. Will kick both of my sons out, if I need to. Hikari will cry if she sees you leaving, so go when she is still sleeping."

"Yes, I think we should go Kuroo." Kenma says finally.

" Yes you should. Also Kenma, you still call him Kuroo? You know I'm a Kuroo also."  
She teases. And he blushes. It's not like he is still hesitant to call Kuroo by his first name. It's just...... he's been calling him 'Kuroo' for so long now, that it will be more akward for him, if he calls him by the first name. Well at least it is true, when they not doing anything.......it is true until Kuroo makes him forget about everything and scream out his first name.

He blushes harder thinking about it.

"Well I'm still not used to it. And I call you mom anyway. So...."

" I know, I know. I was just teasing. Ok then. Have a safe journey and have fun." She urges.

" You are basically kicking us out." Kuroo says, still pouting.

"No other option left. Have fun!"

And with that the door is closed. They look at each other.

"Guess we are off now." Kuroo says.

"Yeah. It's cold. And we are standing for out for too long."

Kenma says, shivering a little. It's not that cold now, but Kenma absolutely despises cold, so it's too chilly for him. Specially this early in the morning. Kuroo just wraps his hands around him and tugs him closer.

"Let's get going then."

  
They start to walk towards the station. They'll take the train to the Onsen hotel they'll be staying there for the next 2days. It's 13th February today. They'll be staying there till 14 February.

 

* * *

* * *

 

"This way Sir. This is your room. Let us know if you need anything."

" Sure. Thank you." They exchange a bow and the guide leaves.

"Wow! It's pretty big. And you've choose the Japanese style one." Kenma says, looking around.

" Yeah, since we are living in a modern apartment, I thought it'll be a good change. I'm pretty tired though. It's been a long day."

Well it has. They've been outside the hole day. Looking around the place, having their own little date. They check in the hotel after having dinner outside. Tommorow is 14th February, and it'll be a lot crowdy outside. So they thought it's best to look around today.

"Yes it has. I wanna sleep."

"Hehe. But let's go to the onsens first. Hey look, I found the Yukatas. Let's change."

"Do we really have to go now. Can't we go tommorow?"

"Don't be lazy. We had to take a shower before going to bed anyway. Come here, let me change your clothes since you are tired." Kuroo approaches him with a mischievous look in his face.

"No thanks. I'm perfectly capable of doing that on my." Kenma takes the Yukata from him.

* * *

 

 

" I thought there will be a lot of people. It's practically empty." Kenma says as they soak into the water.

" Well it's pretty late so."

"Yeah they probably are sleeping."

"Or fucking."

"Kuroo!" Kenma slaps him lightly on the arm. Kuroo chuckles.

"You still get shy at these. When we doing so much worse than this, almost everyday." He laughs.

" Will you stop." He hushes him. Looking around to make sure no one heard.

"Literally no one is here. And even if there was someone here, who cares? We are together. Couples fucks, it's no news to people."

"So vulgar-"

Before he could finish Kuroo moved close to him. Too close, to be exact. Bursting his personal bubble.

"You are too close." Kenma says slowly.

" You think?" He smirks.

  
"What are you d-" The rest of his words were interrupted by a pair of lips, on top his owns. He is shocked a little, but not surprised. See this one coming.

He wants to push Kuroo away, but his whole body seems to has something else in mind. It's responding on it's own. But manages to finally control it. Pushing Kuroo a little and urging him to let him go out of his tight embrace. Kuroo pulls out from the kiss, but doesn't let him go. Still holding him closely.

Being this close, Kenma notices something...

"You are hard." He says, can't help the blush that is creeping up to his cheeks.

"Can you blame me?" Kuroo says, slightly panting.

"L-let's go back. It's late anyway, we have been soaking for too long." Kenma says, pulling Kuroo by wrist.

* * *

* * *

 

Both of them were lying, trying to catch their breath.  
Kuroo gets up after sometime, to get a towel to clean himself and Kenma. But Kenma stops him, pulling him back and demanding to cuddle him. Kuroo just smiles. It's nothing new. Kenma gets adorablely clingy after sex.

"Wait a bit Kitten, I need to clean ourselves." He says and places a kiss on top of a very unpleasant Kenma.

After cleaning himself he goes back to the room and cleans Kenma up.

".......You know you came inside me. What's the point of cleaning only in the outside." Kenma says while pouting.  
Kuroo chuckles.

"Weren't you the one who didn't want to use anything?" Kuroo teases.

"To which, you agreed with too much enthusiasm."

" 'Course I did. I'm more than willing to do so. And we will do the proper cleaning in the morning."

"What do you mean _We_. We are not taking shower together."

"We are."

Kenma hits him lightly on the chest.

"Cleaning yourself after having sex without condom...... It can be really an inconvenience sometimes. Also my back and ass hurts sometimes." Kenma says sighing. "You'll never know."

"Let's switch then sometime." Kuroo says it simply. As if it's nothing.

"What?" Kenma says, eyes wide.

"Switching. You topping and I'm the bottom."

"Are you serious? Aren't you straight?"

Kuroo laughs.

"I'm Bi Kenma. Have you forgotten? And you definitely can not call a person 'Straight', when they are dating someone from the same sex."

"But are you really okay with it? Have you ever bottom before?"

"Well I haven't. But why wouldn't I be okay? I mean it's not fair that I am topping all the time right?You are also a male Kenma. Also you've given your virginity to me, so I also want to give you mine. I mean, if you don't want then-"

  
" I do." Kenma says, a little too fast and enthusiastically. He can't believe how kind of a person Kuroo is. He isn't cocky at all.

"Okay then. Let's try it sometime. I'm done cleaning. Go to sleep.'

"Come cuddle me first." He's being demanding again.

"Haha. Let me put the towel back first."

Kuroo finishes up and they went to bed.

 

* * *

 

The next morning, surprisingly Kenma wakes up first. And he gets to see the rare sight of Kuroo sleeping. Cause it's him who always sleeps late.  
Kenma couldn't take his eyes off of the sleeping figure. So so peaceful. Kuroo looks mysterious, almost surreal, when he is sleeping.

It **_is_**  surreal to him, how Kuroo has came into his, like a wild tornado. And has became a bright Sun, which is constantly lighting his hole life, giving him energy and warmth when needed. A Sun-. Kenma gasps. He almost forgot.

He gets out of their futon, and grabs his bag. Rummages through it. He pulls out a velvet box. It's bright orangish yellow velvet.  
He opens it and stares at it with blissful and nostalgic eyes. It's really been due for a long time. He takes out the pendent and went up to Kuroo, who is still asleep.

  
It is the same sun pendent that he wanted to give Kuroo, exactly 5 years ago, in this day. But couldn't. Cause Kuroo was so drunk and...... Kuroo still regrets that night to this day. Even though Kenma has repeatedly told him not to.  
Leaving that aside, he needs to give the pendent to it's rightful owner.

He puts it on Kuroo. The Orangish yellow stone is practically sparkling in the morning sunlight. It's looks beautiful on Kuroo, the sun is right in the middle of his exposed. He couldn't help himself but place a kiss on Kuroo's sleeping face.

"Kenma?" That wakes him up. He blinks sleepily.

"Ah, sorry I wake you up."

"No it's okay. But are you okay? Why are you up already?"

"It's not like I never wake up early." He says, slightly offended.  
Kuroo chuckles.

"I didn't mean it like that. But you-" He pauses. Noticing the piece of jewelery, that is on him.

"What is this?"

"A pendent."

"That I can see. But where did it come from?"

"Where else it can come from Kuroo. Obviously I bought it." He tries his best to say it in a non bothered way, but a blush creeps it's way to his cheeks.

"But I thought we decided that, we won't be giving each other gifts in this Valentine?" Kuroo says, a little amused and clearly happy.

"Well..... It's- it's not this year's gift."

"What?"

"I've bought it a long time ago actually. And I mean to give it to you, but somehow never get the chance."  
He definitely doesn't want to, bring back that night's memory once again and ruin the mood.

"Oh. But why have you bought it? Is there any reason? I mean it's beautiful. Bu-"

"Don't you remember?"

"What?" Kuroo blinks. Confused.

"This." Kenma points at the pendent, that is hanging on his neck. "You've given this to me, on our first date. When we were in Takayama. I've wanted to give you something similar to wear." He says, almost embarrassed.

"Like a couple's thing, huh?" Of course Kuroo takes the opportunity to tease him again.

"Shut up." He hits him on the chest.

"But Sun though? Did you just buy it cause you like it? Or trying to match the Moon and Sun concept?" He snickers cheekily, which earns him another swat.

"I'm not that cheesy. Of course there's a reason."

Kuroo stops laughing.

"What is it?" He asks seriously. And Kenma blush again, for the nth time.

"I'm not telling you."

"Why not? Please Kitten, I want to know. Please." He pleas.

"Why are you being so stubborn? It's not that important."

"It _i_ _s_. I want to know, what was going on in your head, what were thinking about me, when yoilu were buying it. Pleaseeeeeee."

  
"Okay okay. I'm telling, but if you laugh or make fun of me, you are g-"

  
"I get it. I won't make fun of you, so go on."

Kenma hesitates a bit, with the blush still on his face.

"You- you are like the sun to me..... " He starts slowly "You know how gloomy I'm. I'm always looking for a place to hide, from anything and anyone. You were the one who first pulled me out of that state. You have always encouraged me to do new things. You've gave me strength to do so. You are like a source of energy to me. The source of my light. All in all, you're basically a human form of Sun to me. That's why......"

Both of them are silent. No one is saying anything. Kenma looks at him sheepishly.

"....Kuroo?" The expression Kuroo is wearing now is unreadable.

And instead of responding, he gets up and makes a beeline towards his bag. Dugs through it, until finds out what he was looking for. Kenma stares at him confusingly.

"What are you doing?"

Kuroo doesn't answer. Instead he comes back and formally sit in front of Kenma. A small velvet box in his hand. Kenma's eyes widen. It can't be what he thinks it is, right?

Kuroo looks right into his eyes, never been more serious. And starts to speak.

  
"I know it's really anticlimactic and a mess. But I couldn't hold back anymore. I apologize at first."

And he opens the box that he was holding. In which a beautiful ring is reflecting light. Kenma's breath hitches. He starts to speak again

"I haven't even prepared a speech before, so nothing pleasant or exceptional gonna come out. All I know is that you've been there when I needed you the most. I've made so many mistakes, but you've forgiven me and gave me a second chance. And even after that I've made so many more mistakes. And again, you've forgiven me. You've accepted my flaws and changed me for the better. As cheesy as these might sound, it is the truth. So...... I just- you-..... I really want to spend the rest of my life with you Kenma. And I probably still make mistakes in the future, and might fail to treat you well, also we probably can't get married in this country at this moment. Despite all this, when can, let's get married? Will you- will you be my husband?"

  
It's ridiculous. It really is. Here they are, sitting across each other, half naked, still haven't get rid of their morning breathes. And Kuroo's bed head hair at it's best form. As Kuroo said before, nothing about this situation is romantic.  
But if you ask Kenma, he will say otherwise. He will not ask for anything else, won't change a single thing. The tear, at the corner of his eyes is the prove.

"K-kenma?" Kuroo is waiting for his answer. Looking anxious. Why is he looking anxious? Does he thinks Kenma gonna say no? Kenma chuckles through his tears.

"Yes. Yes. I'll be you husband."  
He says, offering his hand to Kuroo. Kuroo let's out the breath that he was holding, a huge smile breaks into his face. He slides the ring onto Kenma's finger. It's perfect and beautiful. He embrace Kenma in a tight hug.

"When did you buy the ring? Did you really buy it cause you wanted to propose on Valentine's day?"

"No actually. I wanted to propose in the 18th February. But..... I really couldn't help myself."

"The 18th? But that's.."

" Yes, Hikari's 1st birthday."

"Yes, it's her day. Why were you trying to steal the spotlight from her?" He teases.

"Well I wanted to propose you in front of everyone. Both of families and friends will be there. So I wanted them to be there when I propose."

" That might have been a little embarrassing......"

"Why would it be?"

"Because of all the cheesy line you were saying."

"Hey! They weren't that bad."

"But the overall situation is. We both are half naked. Still haven't brush or take shower...."

"Ah! Doesn't that mean you still have my cum inside? I just proposed you when you still-" Kenma again smacks him.

"Way to ruin the moment." He says, getting up and going to the bathroom.

"We were going to take bath together." Kuroo complains.

"It's your punishment for being a potty mouth."

* * *

* * *

 

"Oh my God! Why didn't you guys tell us before!!?" Bokuto exclaims.

"They are telling us now Bokuto-San" Akaashi deadpans.

"Akaaaashiiii. I know that. But they could've told us _**before**_ before."

"I think they were waiting for the right opportunity. Like today. When all of us here." Says Hikari. Bokuto Hikari.

Indeed she is right. They haven't tell anyone about the proposal. Not even their parents. They've waited for Hikari's birthday to come. And now everyone is here. All of the were surprised at first, but congratulate them nevertheless. Some of them are sulking about the fact that, they didn't get the privilege to know about it sooner. Which includes, unsurprisingly, Bokuto, Oikawa and, surprisingly, Tsukishima. Yes, even Tsukishima is sulking. But it does make sense they guess. When Akaashi proposed to Tsukishima, the first person he told about it was Kenma. So.......

But it's okay Kenma guess. Cause Tsukishima just complimented his ring.

And the most surprising thing amongst all is Kuroo's brother. Who was the only one who was totally against their relation, even he has accepted their relation now. Also he is now holding Hikari in his arm. They can't be more happier.

"Congrats. Even though you don't need it from me." Oikawa says. The amount of salt mixed in that sentence. Kuroo can't help but laugh.

"I'm sorry. I seriously wanted to tell you before I propose. But didn't, thinking, what if Kenma rejects me?"

"Are you being serious? You really thought Kenma gonna reject you!?" Oikawa's expression tells that, how ridiculous, he thinks it is.

"A possibility."

"Why am I even surprised. You are always exceptionally dumb, when it comes to your love life. Turns totally blind, even though everything is so clear." He says dramatically.

"I absolutely am not willing to hear that from you." He says, while looking towards a certain person. A smirk on his face. "Hypocrite."

"Shut that. It's not the same." He doesn't need to see who Kuroo is referring to. Already knows.

"Oh really?"

Before they could argue any further, it was time for cutting the cake.

Hikari is exactly in the middle of everyone, and both of her parents are on each side. A picture perfect family. The first birthday of their child. They blow the candle with her, and cut the first cake. Hoping and wishing for several birthdays to celebrate in the future.

 

 They have found their Blυε Lεαƒ.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally finished. I can't believe it. I'm happy that at least I've finished it. I know there's so many mistakes and I could've done better...... But, it's my first time writing a long story. So..........
> 
> Anyway. Thank you for staying with me. Specially "KonaCake". Your comments really helped me keep going.
> 
> Let me know your feedback about this. I know the Epilogue wasn't that well writing.... but I tried my best.  
> Please let me know your thoughts and critis. I'm willing to learn. And If you have any questions,you can ask.
> 
> Also I have a idea about what I want to write next. Maybe there's a hint in this chapter also? Who knows? (JK. It's not that hard to find). But if you have any suggestions, tell me.
> 
> [I also write BTS fanfic. Check them if you want. Also suggest me anything you want me to write. I'll consider it.]

**Author's Note:**

> It'll be appreciated if you comment about how you like it or not. Or any suggestions or ideas. ILY <3.


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